177 176. Battle to steal the true darkness.txt (2/2)

I don't want to be in pain anymore...

But that's it!　I have memories!　Memories of being a brother and sister living in the original world are in my head!　I can remember that!　It may be a given memory, but it's what I believe!　Only those memories, only those memories of living in my former world, are going to be nice to me!

How can you say that when it's not your memory?　But that too (・・・・)!　Memories in that boy's memory!　And 'The Original World (・・・・)', that's mostly a funny story too!　Is there really such a 'world'!　It's a fairy tale. Not another world!　You don't hear that word in the theater these days!　Who's going to guarantee that impossible otherworldly thing!　A boy who has never been there is going to guarantee it!

The gap between sword fights - in that momentary moment, I'm thinking.

Ah, ah, .......

Maybe there is no ....... There's no such thing as another world.

Because, including me - no one in this world has ever been to the 'original world'. I'm the only one who insists like a child.

So, in truth, there is only this world, and there is no other world that you can dream of as the 'original world'.

If you ask me, it's true.

A world with science instead of magic?　If you think about it from the common sense of this world, it's an impossible existence. It is impossible for me to prove the existence of this world. The Jewelcrus was not born in this world. I just felt like I was living there.

My friends who listened to the stories of my former world on the ship may have been laughing inside.

Such a gentle, convenient, dreamlike world, no wonder they called it a delusion.

The words I squeeze out next are also unreliable.

''Ah, ah!　Yeah, I know: ....... I know!　There is no guarantee!　There isn't one, so you're going to go and check that too!　I've decided I'm going to see everything for myself!

That's right. To make sure.

That's why I kept aiming for the deepest part of the labyrinth.

Whether it's ”there” or ”not”, I knew that I had no choice but to go for it. Either way, I knew that I had no choice but to go for it.

I was shocked when it first occurred to me in 'parallel thinking': ....... It was like a pit in my stomach. At that time, I even suspected that this 'other world' was a world in the distant future of the 'original world'. Because of my increased status and my wasted thinking ability, the possibility of a possibility was something I thought about with an open mind. Some of those possibilities were obvious, like not having a sister or not having me.

So I've been trying not to think about it: .......

I've told myself that it's not a good idea to think about it, and yet, .......

'See for yourself, huh? Well, that's great. I'm sure you'll be able to find out if there is an alternate universe and also a yotaki. You will be able to find a lot of people who are not in the same boat as you.　What will the boy do when he's sure there's no one anywhere to help him?

You don't have to push me so hard, you don't have to tell me, I know.

It's all a bunch of bullshit. You don't really think so.

I already know that there is no you-taki in the original world. The mission is lost, and I know that the Jewelcruise has been destroyed.

I've long since surpassed my limit.

It's only natural.

There are many reasons.

There are many reasons -- parallelism is always on.

It makes the world go very slowly.

So it's easy to remember.

After all, we were stuck from the beginning.

There was no way to realize that 'magic power' is 'poison', so there was no way to stop Apostle Sith and the resurrection of memories. There is no one to pay attention to that. No one can help you. As soon as you build up your magic power, you'll be a monster, and by the time you realize it, it's too late. But this is why my parallelism is predicting an unpleasant future and making me feel trapped. There were many other things that were hard for me to deal with. Every day I felt like there was a hole in my stomach. The skill '??' The ”??” skill made a mess of relationships. I can't help but feel uneasy that the memories of the Ancestor Kanami will erode my personality. The signs of disintegration appeared around the time I met Heili, and it became decisive when I was hit by the Aide's magic. There was no doubt that I was already broken at that point. Just like Haili's prediction, collapse is also collapse. In addition, Dia and Rustyala collapsed as well. Maybe those two were also casting a lot of magic on themselves. That was broken by Ayd's state recovery spell. Dia's spell to keep Sith at bay was lifted, and Rustyala's spell to keep her love interest at bay was lifted. Maybe Lastiara's would be able to break the other magic as well. I didn't ask because I couldn't afford it, but I think it's probably Saint Tiara related. This is how my precious companion became an 'apostle' and I didn't have time to whine about it. And yet, Heili is proud to say that I am not Aikawa Uzumi. I know that. I knew it was coming, so I must have done a good job of it. Somehow, I managed to keep up the bravado in front of Haili--not Hain-san. But what awaited me at the end of that strength was Palinclone's ”World Dedication Squad”. That must be a direct link to the 'something' from a thousand years ago. That's where I was shown that Yotaki, more important than life, was going to die. I was also shown the reason why I'm not Aikawa Uzumi. It was possible that Palinkron was showing me a false memory - but that memory is definitely real. I know how it works. I know how it works. The World Hurricane dropped a past memory, so it's the inextricable truth. In other words, my most important premise, that ”Aikawa Yotaki” was definitely dead. And I would lose the foundation of my life. I lost everything that supported me at the edge of my life. I lost my support and even myself, and I have nothing left. It's only natural that I want to die. That's to be expected.

Yes, you do.

I don't know if I can be sane.

Can you be sane?

”If Yotaki is nowhere to be found ......, what are we going to do, because ......?

'Oh, yes, boy!　If I can't find him anywhere!　What if you keep searching all over the world for proof of the meaning of your life, and you still can't find it anywhere!　You get nothing, nothing left, nothing meaningful, and you end up not even knowing your own name - that's how it could end!

Oh, shut up.

I don't want to hear anything else.

Either way, whatever it is, it's not going to change anything.

So shut up--!　Both Palinkron and I (...), both shut up--!

You are so annoying!　I'm prepared for that!　Even if there was no Yotaki here, 1,000 years ago, in the original world, or anywhere else, I will continue to look for it--I have no choice (・・・・)!　Either way (・・・・・・), it doesn't change what we do!　You'll just have to be prepared for that, dammit!

'You know it's pointless and you're looking for it!　You're not going to be prepared for that, for no other reason than to be so prepared!　That's called desperation, boy!

What's wrong with desperation: ......!

You don't have to tell me that!

I don't even know what's going on anymore!　You don't even know what's right or what to do!　You don't even know who you are!　You'd be crazy not to be desperate!

'Oh (...)!　So (...), now (...), you and I are going to fight (・・・・・) you (・・・・・)!

I couldn't talk back anymore.

Finally, I acknowledged Palinclone's point and, screaming, I swung my sword with all my might.

The Palinclone catches that flash, which is similar to an eight-strike, with both blades.

And with that impact, Palinclone retreats far back.

When a large distance is left, I breathe with my shoulder.

It's hard to breathe.

I have more energy than I have left, but I'm out of breath. My lungs aren't getting enough oxygen. No matter how many deep breaths I take, I can't regulate my breathing.

I clenched the flesh of my chest with the hand that wasn't holding the sword.

If I didn't grip it so tightly that blood oozed from my nails, I wouldn't be worried.

Palinkron pointed at my face.

'Boy, you're crying, ......?'

When I suddenly wiped under my eyes, large tears were stinging my eyes.

I hadn't noticed them because of the pouring rain.

I found the tears spilling out in rags and I shuddered and spat out the words wildly.

'Then what the hell is ......!

...... No, it's nothing. It's just that it's over. ...... Yeah, it's over...

Palinkron's muttered voice seemed strangely distant.

He said he was using ”Dimension”, but it was hard to hear.

Along with the tears that spilled out, my body's strength was released.

The tension that had been building up in my body melted away as I realized that I was crying.

My head feels lightheaded.

The tension has been broken because of the question and answer with Palinkulon.

I can't be strong and hold back tears because none of my friends will see me. I can't even fight to look good. I can't move because there's no point in being desperate .......

Oh, what am I going to do? .......

Even my purpose is fuzzy. I have to remind myself quickly .......

First of all, ......,.

--What skills should not be used are '? and 'parallel thinking'.

That's right.

I had to suppress ”parallelism.

I've gone too far out of control. I had to restrain myself more: .......

If I use such skills, I'll stop being human .......

No, it's too late for that: .......

Let's see, the next one is ......

--The first objective, to defeat the palinklons.

Yeah. I'm fighting right now .......

But even though I know why I'm fighting, I can't remember anymore why I have to defeat it .......

I can't remember what they did to me and how angry I was.

There's so much going on, it just feels like a minor thing anymore .......

--the second of my objectives, to help Dia.

In other words, to help my people. I'm doing it now .......

I'm standing in front of Maria, fighting for my life. I have to get her into The Connection soon .......

I want to help her if I can.

But the truth is, I was the one who needed help .......

--the third objective, to help my sister, Youtaki Aikawa.

My sister ...... and Yotaki .......

Ah, I knew it was the best one.

Although many things have happened, this is still the best wish. There is no way to go wrong.

No, even though I know it's not exactly right, I can't help but make a mistake.

Oh, I want to see you.

I want to see Yotaki.

It doesn't matter if it's a stranger to me or an ingrained feeling, it doesn't matter.

Seeing her is the ”end”. It's the end (the goal). I will be freed from this pain.

I want to go back to my old world and live in peace with Yotaki. I want to return to my normal life. I don't want to live in this fantasy other world, I want to live in the lukewarmness of the present day.

That's all I've lived for, and that's all I've fought for in hope.

The reward for that--I want it now.

But I know.

And I can't get that reward, no matter how hard I try. Forever.

I've been told I'm not Aikawa Uzumi. They said I couldn't live as a brother if I helped them.

I managed to argue with that.

Then he was told that ”Aikawa Yotaki” was not alive. I was told that there was no one in this world to help me.

I tried to endure that too, but ......, there was no way I could bear it.

It was also a strength that I endured the fact that we weren't siblings in the first place. It's not just a matter of time before you're able to get your hands on a new one.

The existence of ”Aikawa Yotaki”. If it's overturned, it's no longer possible. ......

Nothing you do will be meaningless .......

And I'm no one.

I don't even know myself, so nothing I do will bring any emotion to my mind.

It's terrible.

I can't believe that the only way forward is to go on forever, fighting a battle that has no goal and no meaning .......

It's too bad that after fighting and fighting and fighting, what's waiting for you is 'nothing': .......

That's not even a painful thing to fight and win .......

I don't like that .......

I don't like it, I don't like it, I don't like it .......

I can't be strong anymore .......

I want to stop (・・・・).

Yeah.

I want to end up losing.

I want to stop living because everything is pointless. And I want to rest. But because of the skill ”? ?” is blocking that path.

Just as Maria fears. No one will help me, so I was going to ask Palinkron to help me. He was cutting back because he didn't feel that victory meant anything to him. I was willing to lose the battle.

Now that I don't have a strong opponent, I can see it clearly.

This is my nature by nature. If there is no one to look good to, this is what would happen sooner or later. When I first started exploring the labyrinth, before I met Dia in the Valt, I used to whine in my mind every night. I still remember thinking endlessly before I went to bed.

I didn't want a pep talk that said, ”Hang in there,” but a reassurance that said, ”Enough is enough. I wanted the reassurance that ”Enough is enough”.

And there was probably only one person in the world who could provide that.

And probably the only person in the world who can provide that for me is my enemy, Palinkulon.

Only the guy has that achievement.

When I think back, since I came to this other world, Palinkron is the only one who has given me 'happiness', 'peace of mind' and 'salvation'. I'm sure you'll be able to find out more about this as well. Even though it's a fake, he has certainly given me that.

That's why I've come so far.

If only I could fight against Palinkron and lose, even I, the Jewelcruise, could be happy.

I've come to the center of the world with that hope in mind.

I want you to help me.

I'm in pain.

I can't stand the pain. So, I need your help, even if it's the end.

Anyone. Ally or foe, friend or foe.

I don't care what it takes to save me from this meaningless life.

I don't want to be in pain anymore. So, I need help.

Somebody please help me now.

I need help.

Help me, help me, help me .......

--help me .......

”-- Yeah (...), I'll help you (・・・・・・・).

A voice came from close by.

It was a very audible voice, like a light shining into the darkness.

Only six words. Hearing the words 'I will save you', my body lost its power like a puppet with broken strings.

And then I thrust myself to my knees, covered my eyes with my hands and cried like a child.

'Ugh, ugh, ugh ......, ughhhh ......'

So you don't have to be strong anymore.

Palinkron's words were too warm and comforting.

He knew he had to fight, but he couldn't resist.

Palinclone whispered.

It was like an older brother nudging his younger brother.

The boy isn't as strong as they think he is. Status strength is a sham. Growing up is a misunderstanding. People don't change,” he said. You can only live within the limits of your soul. And I am the only one who understands that. I'm the only one who can see the pain and suffering that that boy is going through.

He continues to console me, and finally, Palinkulon concludes.

”-You've worked hard to get here, boy. You're done. You've lost. And it's over.

It was a word I could only hear from my enemy, Palinkulon.

He told me it was over and I was relieved, but I was also filled with emptiness.

At last, I've lost. It's over.

I wondered a little bit about what would happen to me now.

But it didn't even matter. I didn't want to think about it anymore.

I've given up on the idea of a happy ending.

Bad or dead, as long as it's over, I'm not complaining.

I can't kill myself because of my skills and my friends. If it's a game of killing each other and Palinkron kills me, so be it. Even the salvation of death is enough for me now. Of course, it will not be easy to kill me in this situation. If that's not possible, then I'd like you to erase my memory again. If I can't think about anything, brainwashing or whatever. I don't care what--!

Whatever it is, I want it to stay put.

Palinkulon. You're the only one who can do it.

I'm begging you.

I was hoping that you'd defeat me again like that day--

”-- but the boy fought well enough. I won't say all of them, but he got us what we wanted in his own way. So I've got to give the boy something back too, ....... That's right: ....... -- ”I'll let you meet 'Aikawa Yotaki (・・・・)' (・・・・・・・・・・)?

What?

It was too abrupt. It was too unexpected, even if I was using 'parallel thinking'.

So I couldn't understand the meaning of the word and was dumbfounded with my mouth open.

''Haha. Don't make a funny face. I'm saying that I'm going to start reviving Aikawa Yotaki now, right?

Palinclone saw how upset I was and reiterated.

It would mean the end of all my otherworldly battles.

Not just the salvation of death, but the salvation of my wishes coming true--.

It was the best happy ending ever presented.