Chapter 41 - Title at the bottom* (1/2)

(Annie's POV)

(At the girl's dorm)

It's been more than 2 hours. Why is Mikasa still not back?

I got more irritated as time keep passing by.

A strange feeling of insecurity emerged within me, giving me a bunch of discomfort around my body.

My index finger keeps tapping on the desk, and occasionally, I would scratch my head. My mouth was biting the nails of my other hand as I keep shaking my legs. My brain can't help but think about the countless possibilities, and none of them turned out to be good. My stomach would churn around and making me feel nauseous. My body temperature dropped a bit lower than usual, as if the blood was drained out of my body, giving me a pale appearance.

Am I sick?

I turned down to look at Historia, who was sleeping right under my bed. She also had a bit of discomfort on her face, but it was evident that her symptoms were very mild.

I don't understand. Why am I feeling so restless?

Is it because of Thana-kun?

Creak*

The door was finally opened, and Mikasa finally walked in.

I jumped down and approached her quickly.

My hasty action made a lot of noise, thus drew others' attention onto me. I didn't care, though. I needed an answer.

But what am I going to ask?

Do I just say, 'Hey Mikasa? How was your confession'?

I don't even know why I'm so irritated, but I am pissed for some reason.

”Mikasa...”

I stopped speaking after saying just her name.

I can smell the scent of Thana-kun's body odor all over her body. Have they gone that far?

Impossible.

Thana-kun isn't that kind of guy. I know he won't do such a thing until she is older. But I... don't know anymore.

”How... far have... you gone?”

I tried to stay as calm as possible, but once I began to think that they have already done 'it', I just couldn't keep my composure. My voice started to crack, and I couldn't speak without sounding like I was crying.

Is this what jealousy is?

Now I know that it's true; that you will never know what is precious to you until you lose it.

Ironically, I already knew that I was fighting a losing battle, and yet, I was still persisting until now.

I am not weak.

I was just... too late into the race.

My heart aches.

It's painful... It's like my heart is made of glass, and now it's shattered into pieces. And while I'm bleeding, my heart is no longer whole.

I have lost, and that is the reality.

If only I have the courage to flirt with him more.

Maybe if I have tried a little harder during the training, he would have been prouder of me.

If only I were more talented... then surpassing Mikasa wouldn't have been a dream.

Yes... that was if only those weren't ifs. But the reality is, I have already lost.

I couldn't stand being here anymore. I'm just merely making a fool of myself by being here. I can hear snickerings going around. I can feel Historia's look of concern on me. And most cruelly, I can feel the sympathy coming from Mikasa.

I'm tired.

Mikasa just stood there silently without a word.