11 Bleed (2/2)

”You two will not be running anything for a while. You can't run until the fox body is fixed anyways. I will repair that out of my own pocket. It's the least I can do for the sacrifices you've made for me”

He walked us to the front door and out into a truck waiting for us.

”I will have my people watching you at all hours of the day. This Ricky situation is tricky and getting worse by the day. I will figure out how we should deal with him. Until then I don't want you two to leave town. I'd prefer if you didn't leave your houses, but I understand how unreasonable that request is”

When I was dropped off at home it was well into the night. My parents were already fast asleep. I came in walking like I was in a trance. The house was dark and quiet. Deafeningly quiet. Finally, I was alone and that was exactly what my mind was waiting for. With absolutely nothing else left to focus on it wondered.

In the dark living room I could see in vivid detail the flash from the muzzle. Like I was back in the garage again. I could feel the kick back on my left hand again. A small twinge of pain flexed in my wrist.

My head kept playing the video over and over again. Watching the man's head bounce off the SUV's seat started to lose its impact after the tenth time. I wasn't scared anymore. I wasn't angry anymore either. What I felt was a feeling very familiar to me, but also hard to put into words.

I never liked to say I had depression. Despite the medical diagnosis I didn't like saying it out loud. I felt like it called to much attention to myself. Because of that I just hid it. Dealt with it myself. Never said much to people about it. To my knowledge the only people aware of the issue where my parents and Jess.

The depression thing had almost become a non issue by the end of the summer. While I was still in a slump I felt like I was pulling out of it somewhat. I was finding passion in my cars again and that was way better than where I was right after Sara was done with me.

Now I felt that familiar feeling again. A deep tired feeling that lingered in my body. Deeper than just the skin. A tiredness that sunk right into my bones. An exhausted feeling that came paired with a self-loathing kind of sadness. The combination was made worse by that little demon on my shoulder. He spoke little curses like he always did. However now he had more ammunition.

Killer

He spoke softly. Quietly. In my own voice, but not from my throat.

Killer. Killer. Killer

Finally broken from my trance I started dragging my feet with me to my room. A tired smile rose on my face as the familiar feeling settled into its old grooves in my brain. Despite how horrible it was I couldn't deny that there was comfort in my old habits.

I fell onto my bed. The frame of it groaned in protest, but it was lost to the dark room. I laid there looking up at the celling. Dark and shapeless I watched the darkness surge. It twisted its self into fantastic phantoms keeping my attention for a solid thirty minutes before I passed out.

The night sort of ended for me. I don't remember sleeping at all. I just blinked and suddenly it was morning. A dull vibration from my jacket pocket marked the change. All in an instant there was light in my room filtering in from the half-closed blinds.

I moved in a sort of dream like state to check my phone. It was a text from my savior. When I read the name, I said it out loud and like a charm it snapped me back.

”Jessica Song”

Suddenly the demon on my shoulder was all quiet. Thinking became a lot easier then.

”I've been in town almost four days and I haven't seen or heard from you. You better text me or something right now Jack I swear”

Her text brought a smile to my face. The last bit of humanity I could cling to lingered in her. For a moment I felt bad for Johnny. I didn't know if he had someone like this in his life. Then again, I don't think Johnny ever had problems like I did so it might not have been an issue for him.

I hit the button for a call and pressed the speaker to my ear.

I learned something important in that garage in Chicago. I learned we all bleed. But I also learned to count on my friends. Johnny had my back in the fire fight and Jessica had my back in my mental battles. At the time I'm sure Jess never understood what she meant to me, and looking back now I know counting on another person to keep me alive like that was foolish. It was the same mistake I made with my ex.

However for the time being living for Jessica was better than the alternative which was not living at all. We all bleed, sure, but sometimes we have friends to hold the rag for us. Jessica was damn good at holding my rag.