Chapter 268: Historical Archive (PThok & The Great Ice Cream Raid) (2/2)
P'Thok just nodded, his mind spinning. Controlling egg production? It's crazy. It's insane. It's impossible... but what if it isn't? What if it can be done?
”Sir! I've got it! They left that part of the database unsecure! There's hundreds of recipes!” his warrior searching InfoNet said excitedly.
”Download it all! We are indeed lucky, men,” P'Thok said.
”The hold is 90% full, sir,” the one watching the robotic loading systems said.
”Sir, we need to know something,” the one tagging inventory to be loaded.
”What?” P'Thok asked.
”Where does 'milk' come from?” the warrior asked.
P'Thok turned to the lead female. ”Where does milk come from?”
”Cows. Moo-moos,” the Terran said. She tapped the notepad. ”Those.”
P'Thok stared. There were millions of the brown furred four legged herbivores on the planet. Of course! It made perfect sense!
”Stop loading!” P'Thok said. ”We need to save room!” he turned to the human. ”Input the care and feeding of moomoos.”
The shift leader was completely confused as she did it. Complying with hostage takers was the best way to survive a hostage situation, but what they wanted was so confusing. She handed the small datapad back.
”Signal the teams! Withdraw to the ship. We must carry out an additional mission!” P'Thok said.
When the two watching the window counted that all the Treana'ad were aboard the ship, P'Thok busted out the window with the butt of his plasma rifle and had his men climb out. He looked at the Terrans.
”Thank you for your cooperation,” he said, then raced off at top speed for the ship.
The Matron watched as P'Thok entered the bridge, exhaling smoke from his legs.
”Find a large grouping of these creatures,” P'Thok ordered, tossing the image from his datapad to the main viewscreen. ”Set down, quietly, near them. They are easily startled and weigh as much as warrior.”
”What are those?” the Matron asked, exhaling blueberry cream, which seemed to calm the bridge crew the best.
”Moomoos. They are the animal that produces the substance known as 'milk', which is mammary gland nutrient fluid. It's the secret ingredient to ice cream!' P'Thok said excitedly, taking another drag off his cigarette.
”Located. Not far away,” the pilot said. He looked back. ”We're setting down.”
”We'll collect some males as well as females,” the Matron ordered. ”I shall have several old grub hatcheries converted to habitats for them!” she could imagine the envy of all the other Matrons, including the local Hive Queen if she built lavish moomoo habitats to ensure the production of ice cream.
”As you command, Matron,” P'Thok said, still thinking over what the human had said. She wasn't consumed by breeding frenzies, she could control her urge to breed and give birth. Treana'ad society, since the dawn of time, had centered all around breeding cycles.
Wars had been fought over breeding grounds.
The majority of males were fated to die at the mandibles of females.
Controlling breeding, as insane as it sounded, as impossible as the concept seemed, could break that cycle that dominated Treana'ad life.
And P'Thok knew he'd really really like to keep his head uneaten, especially with the Matron's spoken desire to mate with him.
”I must go command my men,” P'Thok said. The Matron waved idly, exhaling smoke, as she imagined the incredulous rival Matrons who would gnaw at their own bladearms with envy at the lavish habitats she would construct.
The ship landed with a bump and the rear cargo hatch lowered. The moomoos paid no attention as the Treana'ad warriors rushed out to meet them and stopped.
”Get on the ship,” P'Thok ordered, waving his plasma rifle at the moomoo.
The moomoo opened one eye, looked at him, and closed its eye again.
”Sir, the moomoo is ignoring my commands!” one of his men said, rubbing his wings in agitation.
P'Thok stared at the mammal. It was huge, massing maybe even more than a warrior. It was heavy with muscle, a thick furry hide, a large head, and a ring in the nose. It was studiously ignoring him and he realized with surprise that the creature was asleep.
Curious, he reached out and grabbed the ring. It was warm and slightly slimy and the moomoo opened its eyes.
”This way, moomoo, this way,” P'Thok chittered, gently tugging the ring.
The moomoo followed.
”Emulate me, men,” P'Thok ordered. He led the moomoo onboard the ship, then rushed out to another one. And another. And another.
He sent ten of his men out to grab the large bales of grain, something called alfalfa and yellow ones called 'hay', and then approached one of the even larger ones with horns. He grabbed the ring and said ”follow me, moomoo, follow me.”
The large moomoo's eyes opened, it glared, and suddenly rushed forward, slamming into P'Thok and knocking him into the air before stopping, passing gas, and going still again. One hoof pawed at the ground for a moment.
”Sir!” one shouted, leveling his plasma rifle.
”No, just stun it! Get a graviton loader, we'll carry it and put it in a stall,” P'Thok ordered.
They had nearly all of the moomoos loaded up when P'Thok heard a human shout.
He turned and saw a human with a rifle.
”CATTLE RUSTLERS! BOY, CALL THE SHERIFF!” the human yelled, leveling the rifle and firing. The round whizzed by P'Thok.
”Men, retreat! We must hurry before the Sheriff arrives!” P'Thok called out, imagining a huge warmech with a star painted on its chest.
He and his men rushed back onto the ship, one pulling a grav-dolly with an unconscious mean moomoo on it.
The human chased them, waving his rifle and firing shots that kept missing.
Once aboard P'Thok slapped the com button. ”Lift off! Hurry! The cops are coming!”
The ship lifted off even as the cargo ramp slowly raised.
P'Thok breathed a sigh of relief as the ship screamed into space, breaking orbit and vanishing into jumpspace. He slumped in relief as he lit a smoke and sought out the Matron.
She was just finishing a small bowl of ice cream, the room full of the scent of bubblegum.
”Matron, our raid is even more successful then we thought,” P'Thok said.
”Oh?” The Matron signified interest. She had to admit, P'Thok was quite handsome. She fluttered her wings and gave him a coy look, feeling like a young matron again.
P'Thok checked his notepad. The Terran had put information about 'birth control' on it, including describing it, describing the mechanism by which it worked, and even the different brands and types, many were confusing and obviously intended for mammalian biology.
”Keep an open mind, as you did about ice cream and smoke,” P'Thok said. He handed her the notepad. ”Another human secret I wrested from them with guile and cunning.”
The Matron looked at the data and suddenly stopped. She exhaled bubblegum scent slowly then took a deep drag off of her power smoker.
”The concept is insane!” she blurted out. ”But... but... how did we never think of this? How did we never think of any of this?”
”Would you do it if you could, Matron?” P'Thok asked, tensing to run out of the room if she took offense. ”I mean, if you could break the tyranny of the birthing chamber, would you do it?”
The Matron nodded. ”Yes. It consumes a Matron's life. This... this seems so impossible, yet so simple. An impossible concept, an easily achieved medical research project.”
She sighed wistfully. ”To be freed.”
”Then accept that notepad, Matron, with my undying awe at your presence,” P'Thok said, backing out of the room.
The Matron didn't even notice, puffing absently on her power smoker and reading the articles downloaded from the Terran InfoNet and the testimony of a Terran Shift Leader, an obviously important and grand station.
To be free... she thought as she ship raced for the space station.