Chapter Fifteen (2/2)
Kuldunaat stood on the bridge of the Gentle Mercy of Untaraa with his hooves braced and his coat expertly manicured. His hooves shown, his sash of leadership glittered with medals, his feeding tentacles were plump with confidence, his jowls mighty and pendulous. His six eyes, two in back, two to the sides, two in front, were clear and focused as he waited with confidence for the First Communications Technician to tell him a message was waiting.
The four scanning techs, all of the First Class Order, were still staring at the screens, plying their scanners and displays for the smallest iota of data, the faintest wisp of ion trail, the faintest ping of jumpspace energy.
On the display was a fleet. It annoyed Kuldunaat, High Executor of the Unified Executor's Fleet, that the ships on the display outnumbered him.
It was most vexing that over half of them were larger even than his flagship.
”Harumph, put them on screen, they've waited long enough,” He intoned, his tendrils trembling with amusement as he lifted his crest into an authoritative position.
The screen switched from showing those strangely arrayed ships, so different from the elegant and overwhelming line of his ships, to showing a bridge full of...
...of primates.
And not halfway civilized primates, but ones with forward facing eyes, almost furless except for what was on their heads. Two had no hair on their heads but instead their scalps were smooth and gleamed in the light. They all wore uniforms, stark uniforms made for utility rather than to properly show a being's rank and position.
Not a sash to be seen.
The centered primate, a bald one, simply stared at Kuldunaat. To his right one of the primates was smirking, hair around his mouth as he crossed his legs.
”May we come in?” The bald one asked.
”Harumph, I think not,” Kuldunaat said. ”Who am I speaking to?”
”Admiral Krempin, Terran Confederate Navy,” The being said. Rather than continue on with his species, his rank, and his position, he simply leaned back and waited.
”Why are you here?” Kuldunaat said.
A small window opened up, crackling into being. A figure wearing a set of armor with thick plates appeared. It was obviously female, a mix of primate and feline, and her eyes were replaced by swirling spirals. Little animated fists waved over her head and steam shot from the cracks of her thick plated armor.
”DOKI DOKI DOKI!” the little figure squeaked.
One of the primates that had first appeared touched the panel in front of them and the strange window vanished.
”Apologies. Some of my troops are over-stimulated at the idea of assisting you,” The bald primate said.
The one with hair on his face smirked wider.
”Why are you here?” Kuldunaat said, harumphing again.
”To render assistance. Are you a representative of your government?” The primate, Admiral Krempin asked mildly, as if he was inquiring about the weather.
”I am the High Executor of the Unified Executor's Fleet, the most learned and powerful Kuldunaat. And why do you think we need assistance?” Kuldunaat asked.
The words ”DOKI DOKI DOKI” danced at the edge of the viewscreen, with ”WAAAAAAGH!” floating up from the bottom and ”FOR THE EMPEROR!” streaming down the other side.
The same primate as before made a motion on her board and the sets of symbols vanished.
”Again, pardon. My troops are eager to assist,” Admiral Krempin said again.
The smirker smirked harder. He was really starting to get on Kuldunaat's nerves. It was like he knew that when Kuldunaat was a child he had stolen a schoolmate's lunch and eaten it before blaming it on another.
”And again, I ask of you, what makes you think we need assistance?” Kuldunaat asked.
Twelve thousand light years away an inversion charge turned a city of 250 million into ash.
Over a period five minutes.
The city's screams were recorded and broadcast onto GalNet.
”From what we have observed and learned, you have a Precursor problem,” The Admiral said.
The smirker kept smirking. Now Kuldunaat could swear he could see the slightest suggestion of a hint of bared teeth.
He was really yanking on Kuldunaat's tendrils.
”The Precursor's have been dead for over a hundred million years,” Kuldunaat scoffed.
”But their war machines are not,” The Admiral said, making a basic primate shrug. ”Right now, they're massacring your people.”
”That is baseless foundless panic inducing rumors! That is disgusting anti-Executor propa...” the High Executor cut off as the female feline-primate hybrid, reduced to a cartoon, ran onto the screen.
The Admiral held his hand up and stopped her by placing his palm against her cartoon forehead. She flailed against the air like she was actually there and trying to strike at him past his hand.
”DOKI DOKI DOKI WAAAAAAARRRRGH!” the little cat-hybrid shrieked in a high pitched voice that made Kuldunaat and most of the rest of the bridge crew wince.
The Admiral turned slightly, pursed his lips, and blew.
The little hybrid in the heavy ornate power armor with overly thick plates tumbled off the screen.
”For a rumor they seem to be burning your systems at a rapid pace,” The Admiral said. He stood up, leaning forward slightly, and the smirker's smirk got smirkier. ”You let them get a foothold and now your systems are infested.”
His eyes got intent.
”May we come in?” He asked.
Kulumaat opened his mouth to deny this annoying uncivilized brute when the door to the lift opened up. A dozen Savashan rushed the bridge, waving small arms taken from the security armory.
”YES! YES! COME IN! WE REQUIRE ASSISTANCE!” One screamed. ”HELP US!”
”That's good enough for me,” The Admiral said, leaning back.
A cartoon version of the Savashan, a lowly Janitorial Technician Fifth Class, appeared on the screen, lifted up in celebration by cartoon heavily muscled green primates with overly large tusks, the green primates wearing stuck together metal plates painted red and yellow and firing weapons into the air in joy at the word WAAAAGH appeared over the Savashan. They paraded the Savashan back and forth as dozens of little armored cat/primate hybrids ran around him waving tufts of multicolored plastic strips and throwing hearts and sparkles into the air.
The screen went dark.
”HOW DARE Y...” Kulumaat started to say.
His bridge captain, an Inhamahn , smoothly drew her pistol and shot Kulumaat in the back of the head.
The last thing that appeared in Kulumaat's darkening vision was the face of the smirker.
Smirking.
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TO: ALL
GO GO GO GO GO!
-------NOTHING FOLLOWS---------
MANTID FREE WORLDS INTERNAL MEMO
oh god