Chapter 12 (1/2)

Chapter 12.

In high school, Shin Kim realized for the first time how scary an emotion could be. Since being little boy, swimming was part of his life and he had no doubt that it was going to be with him forever, like the air he breathed.

It was just a fact, nothing more nothing less.

It would’ve been a lie to say the training was easy, but the satisfaction he got from his achievements was more than enough to keep him going. He felt almost blissful at certain moments.

But an unexpected accident caused him to lose over half his lung capacity.

It was a hellish time for him during the recovery and a long time after. He developed a sudden hate for water. He even began to fear it.

His high school had an indoor swimming pool and smelling the chlorine everyday at school was a torture for him. There were more than a handful times when he had a panic attack and ended up fainting on the ground. After the accident, Shin swore that he would never let anyone or anything become such a huge part of his life. He didn’t want to waste his emotion and energy anymore.

This decision made him feel much lighter, like a burden had been lifted off his shoulders.

And from then on, his social life reflected the change in his life. He never again became too attached to anyone. He neither liked nor hated someone wholeheartedly. Just a lighthearted acquaintance was perfect for Shin, and it was also a good disguise to hide his intention. He could make friends or date someone without having the responsibility of a real relationship. He didn’t have to put any effort into it.

People liked spending time with Shin Kim. But if someone approached him for a serious and meaningful connection, Shin ran away in disgust and fear. He was afraid. He hated showing his scars and pain to anyone. He also hated seeing other people’s pain.

Just a shallow relationship. That’s all he wanted. No sharing of feelings, no deep connections.

Shin sighed as he stared down at his cellphone. It wasn’t a big deal to ask his co-worker Woojin to have lunch together. But strangely, Shin found himself hesitating.

It wasn’t that he was worried Woojin might reject him. In truth, Shin was worried about himself and what this could mean for him.

The more time they spend together, the more Shin would want. If they ate lunch together, Shin would want to spend time outside of work. If they did that, Shin would want to touch Woojin. And if he did that, Shin would want to have sex with Woojin.

Whenever Shin saw Woojin, he got the feeling that Woojin was gay. The fact that Woojin refused to have lunch with Chief Seulgi Kim… How he didn’t socialise with anyone at work… This was similar to how Shin’s gay friends lived their lives as well.

But his friends usually had extravagant nightlives.

“Hmm… Let’s not think too much of it.”

Shin was disturbed by himself for contemplating so much about having a simple lunch. Perhaps it would’ve been healthier to explore this feeling, but Shin ignored it for now.

He just wanted to have lunch with Woojin Choi, and that was all. And there were things he wanted to ask as well.

Did he eat the rice porridge? Was it good? Shin didn’t know why he was curious about these mundane things, but he was.

Shin finally texted Woojin.

-Assistant Manager Woojin Choi

Shin immediately went back to work. He had many tasks to finish that day. He also wanted to distract himself. Shin assumed it would take at least a little while till Woojin can check his phone and reply.

Shin decided to work on the weekly report and other minor excel files. He also had to finalize the paperwork for press release.

But he began to feel anxious immediately. He couldn’t help checking his phone again and again, and every time he did, he saw that his message still hadn’t been read by Woojin.

‘What’s going on? Why isn’t he checking my message?’

-Assistant Manager Woojin?

Dammit! He sent another message. As soon as he pressed “enter,” he realized that this was a bad idea. Why was he acting so impatient?

It had only been ONE MINUTE since he sent the first message! What an idiot he was.

Just then, like magic, the message he sent became marked “read.” It felt like hours, waiting for Woojin’s reply, but in fact, it was only a few seconds.

-Yes, Mr. Shin Kim.

-Do you have any plans for lunch today?

Dammit again! Shin sent a message immediately after Woojin’s message arrived. Now he was going to look desperate to Woojin. Shin closed his eyes in frustration.

-No.

-Do you want to have lunch with me then?

It seemed that Woojin was the type who replied quickly to messages. Shin began to feel nauseous with anxiety.

1 second, 2 seconds…

But there was no answer from Woojin. When he didn’t get an immediate reply all of a sudden, Shin became confused. His last message was marked ‘read,” so why wasn’t Woojin answering back?

1 minute passed by, followed by 15, and 30 minutes. Finally, Shin closed the messaging app.

‘Is he ignoring me?’

Woojin was a friendly easy type, but Shin was certain Woojin had been treating him with special interest.

Woojin definitely didn’t like getting involved with others. He avoided it at all costs. More than once, Shin witnessed Woojin shrinking when someone offered to shake his hand. Woojin also rarely left his office during work hours and seemed to dislike talking to anyone.

But that night they drank together… Things were different. Woojin Choi was different. Woojin may claim that he was too drunk to know what he was doing, but that had to be a lie.