Chapter 53 - Shatterpoints (1/2)

Freedom! Something sought by many to the point of risking their lives to obtain and yet also something taken for granted by many others who did not know how lucky they were to experience it as something natural.

- ”Do as you wish when you will it and how you see fit”- said a voice inside Rey's head who wondered why he was thinking about freedom in the middle of a deadly battle against a knight of Ren who was overpowering her. Maybe it was a way that her brain used to prepare her for death- ”Is there any sweeter feeling than having the power to do what you want without shackles?”

For Rey, someone who had been shackled all her life, there was not higher dėsɨrė. Since she had memory, she had always been a slave in Jakku at the service of the selfish wishes of Unkar Plutt. Even when she could manage to free herself from the Crolute, by becoming an independent scavenger, she still depended on him to get food and other articles since he was the only link of the barren planet with the other camps and outer space colonies. Even though she convinced herself she had gotten free, she was still a prisoner of the desolate and barren world which was impossible for her to abandon and shackled to the hope that her parents would return for her someday.

- ”Destroy your shackles...”- said the voice in her head as an unnatural anger built up from her core- ”your parents abandoned you...”

Once she had met Finn and Han, she could finally abandon her prison world and visit new worlds. She still remembered the marvelous sensation she felt the first time she entered Hyperspace and how touched she was when she saw a green planet full of life and beauty. After that, Han offered her the opportunity to wrk with him and Chewee and even though she wanted to hide it, she wanted to jump and dance in glee. There was nothing else she wanted, she wanted to be like Han... get her own ship and go to all the corners of the galaxy without restrain.

- ”They took him from you”- said the angry voice in her head- ”they took that future from you!”

Rey cried for Han's death, not only because he had trusted her and protected her, but because he was willing to teach her and take her under his wing and give her a future where she could live on her own. They took that from her and even though it was not the Jedi way, she wanted to destroy the First Order to get revenge for that act.

- ”You feel stuck, don't you?”- asked the voice and the anger rose even more- ”it's not what you imagined”

When she started her training, the way had been very smooth and she had been able to master the basic teachings in the Force in no time, so much that she had left Finn behind. She was exhilarated for this and when she managed to enter the Officer's academy with Finn, she had been like a fish in the water, especially in the enginneering areaand when there was nothing she loved more than flying a Starfighter. Everything seemed to be going her way. She finally felt her shackles were breaking completely. It was then when she reached the point where she was now. She could not advance due to the darkness she had found inside herself. She knew that if she wanted to advance, she had to enter and face that darkness in her ocean of the Force. However, she was scared... she did not know what wuild happen if she went there or if she could return at all.

- ”Try meditation to explore deeper with caution”- had told him Luke who had always encouraged her to touch her own darkness in a steady and cautious way- ”You can also increase your lightsaber training.”

Even though she knew his suggestion was well meant and she had tried in earnest, it was not helping. Every time she wanted to meditate, she would find the same dark place no matter how she approached it, as if it were a mandatory point she needed to pass to acquire more power and the lightsaber training was also something she felt unconfortable with. Her whole life, she had used a baton to train, so the switch to a lightsaber was very unnatural. She had found data about double edged lightsabers but the process of creating them were more difficult than the already rare single blade lightsaber. This made her extremely frustrated and she was angry at herself for her own weakness and her inability to use her full potential. However, there were also darker thoughts plaguing her mind from time to time and she could not get rid of them.

- ”Jedi code is a shackle... free yourself from it”

She was grateful for all Luke had taught her, but at the same time, she still felt that somehow she was being held back by the Jedi code.

- ”You chose this path”- reminded her own voice inside her head- ”You can still let all go behind”

Even though, she knew that Jedi and Republic rules were necessary, she could help thinking that they were also very restraining. Sometimes, she imagined... what would it be to just forget the rules and the control.

- ”Yes... yes... ”- she heard the voice which seemed to be in a maniatical glee- ”just let go... give yourself to the anger and emotions you have...”

If she could just let herself go off and vent all her frustrations and anger, she may be in a better position to deal with them later. Just once... it doesn't have to be with anyone... the knight of Ren n front of her... yes... he would be perfect.

- ”You know he wont be your opponent if you do...”- said the voice as if it were next to her- ”stop limiting yourself... only by embracing the darkness can you go deeper into the Force...”

- ”He's trying to kill me anyway... he doesn't deserve her control... He talks about power...”

- - ”Use your anger... unleash your fury”- said the dark voice in her head and for the first tme, Rey simply let herself go- ”stop holding back... make him submit!”

Rey found herself once again inside her vast ocean and as usual she was in front of the great darkness. She saw her own figure which had yellow eyes and who was grinning at her. Her own dark version extended her handinviting Rey to take it. Rey once again doubted for a second but seeing her enemy was overwhelming her, she knew she would lose and die.

- ”Just this once”- she said and grabbed the dark Rey who grinned even more widely and pulled her to the unknown darkness that she had avoided so much.

The fear and coldness soon became a thing of the past, instead of fear, she coud feel exhalaration due to the amazing power she could access... instead of coldness now she felt boiling in strength. Finally, a mental peace she had never experienced before surrounded her, it was as if she belonged here and this was her natural state.

- ”Huh?”- Rey was forcefully taken out of that marvelous place she was enjoying and became aware of the annoying presence in front of her once again- ”you...”

She felt even more anger since this pathetic and feeble insect had interrupted her amazing experience. His Force Lightning which had hurt her as if daggers were slicing her open, now felt as if multiple flies were annoyingly stepping on her. She had never used Force Lightning before, but she had seen Luke create one as he explained the process and how to counter it. He also showed them a different version of his which did not use the Dark side, but that was not important.

- ”I'll show you power”- she said and she started to wield her anger and frustration and use them as fuel to create a Force lightning on her wn which easily countered and reflect the attack of her enemy.

- ”You're supposed to be a Jedi!!”- he said while screaming in pain and desperation as he saw his attack being overpowered- ”you're not supposed to use this attack.”

- ”Oh! and who decided that?”- said Rey with a sarcastic tone as she enjoyed the expression of shock and horror in the face of the knight of Ren - ”Since you spoke about real power I just wanted to show you what it means to me!”

For some reason, Rey felt elation seeing her enemy powerless in front of her. He tried to fight back by making objects fly to her and trying to escape. This caused her to grin ever more widely, did he really think he can escape from me like that?

- ”Foolishness!”

She noticed the lightsaber the Knight of Ren was using and made it fly to her hand while evading the object thrown at her and reached her prey extremely fast.

- ”How slow can he be?”- Rey thought while igniting the red lightsaber and cutting off her enemy's arm.

She could have easily kill him but there would be no fun at all. He still needed to pay being so cheeky and all nosy in front of her. So, she made him float and making sure to enjoy his horrified expression she started to slam him against a metallic container that was smashed due to the strong impact. Rey knew he was finished but she decided to make him scream a little more. Maybe she should cut a leg now, or maybe twist it. She decided to go for the other arm and slashed with no hesitation.

- ”Rey, stop!”

A familiar voice called her as the lightsber on her hand stopped by Finn's who had prevent her from slicing her prey one more time. When she saw him, her thoughts started to get messy and confusing. There was a part of her which wanted to immediately apologize for doing something against the Jedi code, while the other wanted to punish Finn for interrupt her fun.

- ”What's wrong with you, Rey”- asked Finn while Rey tried to put her emotions and ideas in order- ”He's already defeated, you know you can't go further than this.”

Finn tried to put his hand on her shoulder but she immediately shake it off and jumped back to take distance.This made him have a shocked expression at her reaction and she could see his confused expression which only added to her internal turmoil.

- ”That boy will only hold you back”- said the voice inside her head- ”take him down and you will get a power you can oly dream on...”

- ”No...”- said Rey recovering her own self while feeling the comfortable and wonderful sensation of before dissapearing.

Before she could do anything else, she felt someone behind her who used an incredible strength to make her hit her head against the ground. The terrible pain made her let the lightsaber go and stunned her for a while. Once she recovered a little, she noticed she was pinned down and could not move at all. She was totally out of her ”Force ocean” as she called it and now that she could think with clarity again, she could only feel horro at what she had been doing, especially her thoughts about hurting Finn. She felt a terrible shame and guilt crawling all over her.

- ”Why did I react that way? What was I going to do?”- wondered Rey with desperation- ”what is that voice? What am I?”

(...)

Finn was in shock by Rey reaction. He had been separated from her and the knight of Ren due to a surprise attack. He tried to return as fast as he could but he was held off by some stormtroopers who started to shoot at him. After he dealt with them, he desperately went to help Rey imagining that the knight of Ren would be too much for her alone. However, he had found that Rey, not only was not having trouble, but she was dominating on the knight of Ren with ease. However, Finn knew that there was something wrong. Rey was grinning in a way that brought a chill to his spine. He knew he had to stop her when he saw her about to finish him off after being already defeated. She was enjoying this too much. He tried to calm her down but she not only rejected his gesture, but she started to look at him with dangerous eyes and for a moment he thought she woud attack him. Celine approached and pinned her down. He thought Celine was being too rough but it seemed to work and he could see Rey returning to her senses after that.

- ”I...”- Rey said with a confused look.

Noticing the change in her attitude and movements, Celine examined her and loosed her grip but not completely.

- ”Are you with us, again?”- asked Celine who seemed like she wanted to knock her out to avoid problems. However, Rey nodded sheepishly and Celine let her go allowing Rey to stand up.

Rey was shaken and Finn tried to get close. Hwever, Rey took distance and avoided his eyes. Finn understood that she should be having very mixed feelings so he decided to give her space and speak later.

- ”Just who are you?”- asked the knight of Ren who could not organize his thoughts by the radical changes in the girl in front of him.

- ”We'll be the ones making the questions”- said Finn and shot a paralized shot which stopped the dark user for good. Even so, The young padawan tied him very tightly using carbon-rope so he could not escape.

Meanwhile, the short skirmish between Phasma's forces and the First Order's loyalists had already ended except for some stubborn subjects who seemed decided to go down fighting. Leia, however, decided more that this would only go against her purpose.

- ”The battle is over and we have your commander in our hands. Surrender and your lives will be spared!”- shouted Leia with such command in her voice that the surviving stormtroopers could only obey while throwing their weapons and rising their hands.

- ”Impressive”- said Phasma after hearing her potent voice.

- ”Nothing that any politician could not do”- said Leia with a diplomatic smile- ”I hope you have a transporter for the prisoners.”