Chapter 124 - Stella 6 (1/2)

Parenthood comes with many responsibilities, sacrifices and obstacles. You need to have a strong will and overcome the situations with your abundant endurance. With an unbreakable determination anyone can achieve their dreams.

Being a parent is simply not easy. I was not confident enough to have a child. My parents were not abusive. They provided me a good life. Although the way I grew up, I had this mindset that I can never be a good mother.

But that's the second issue. My first fear was hospitals. Yes, I am very much afraid to undergo any operation or physical pain. Ever since my childhood, I hated injections. The smell of blood makes me vomit. I feel so tensed. My body shivers seeing the blood.

So, I decided to never have kids. If only I was born as a man, my life would be much better.

But now my life is tied up with Theo. I can't be selfish. He will become a great father. I can't steal his happiness for such foolish reason. No matter how painful it is, I am ready to have children.

As soon my mind was set I stopped taking my pills. It didn't took me long to conceive. My journey to motherhood kick started. It wasn't easy at all. In fact it was harder than I imagined. There were times when I went through mental breakdowns from the physical pain. I would go to bathroom, lock myself there to hide from Theo. I didn't wanna show him my crying face.

I would wake up in the middle of the night and vomit. My throat would feel like being pierced by needles. Eyes would get overflown by the salty tears. Then a hand would come to soothe my back.

” There, there.” He would mutter softly under my ear, giving me the sense of relief. His sturdy hands held me tightly as I  kept on puking. The sight was disgusting to me yet he stayed there, every time.

I came back after washing my mouth. Theo was on the bed, waiting for me. When I laid on the bed, he took my foot in his hand. It made me confuse.

” What are you doing?” I asked, turning my eyebrows into a frown.

” It's a good massage. Close your eyes and try to sleep.” Giving a mellow smile, he replied.

” You don't have to do th-” I was cut off in the middle.

” Uh ah uh! Just close your eyes.” With a mild aggressive tone, Theo shut me up. It was late and I don't want him to stay awake any longer. I couldn't argue with him. He continued to massage my foot gently which was relaxing. It made me fall asleep.

Theo tried all shorts of things to help me out during my pregnancy. Meanwhile I was getting cranky. Despite of being treated with such care, I was loosing my composure. I may not get a proper sleep at night but I can still rest all day. My mom and mother-in-law was there for me. But Theo, he was going through a tough situation. At night he had to wake up, thanks to me then in the morning he has to go to work. There was no time for him to rest. The dark circles under his eyes are getting deeper. All because of me.

” You should sleep in the other room for now.” I gathered up some courage and finally said it to Theo.

” No.” Keeping his eyes on the ŀȧptop screen, he flatly declined.