Chapter 188 - My CO Stash #88 - Keeping my Values in this World is Harder than Expected by Erithemaeus (IshuzokuReviewersXOregairu) (1/2)
-First Interspecies Reviewers fic I've read~ It's really tragic that Funimation completely canceled the anime... F in the comments!
*Our favorite pessimist Hachiman in a world where many different humanoid species exist and prostitution is bloody legal!
Sypnosis: When you're at your wit's end with nothing but an angel with a broken halo as your sole friend, there's nothing that you would do in order to get out of being stuck in a succu-girl brothel.
Yes, I am retarded, and I probably inhaled something that I probably shouldn't.
Rated: M
Words: 20K
Posted on: forums.spacebattles.com/threads/keeping-my-values-in-this-world-is-harder-than-expected-oregairu-ishuzoku-reviewers.825207/ (Erithemaeus)
PS: If you're not able to copy/paste the link, you have everything in here to find it, by simply searching the author and the story title. It sucks that you can't copy links on mobile (´ー｀)
-I'll be putting the chapter ones of all the fanfics mentioned, to give you guys a sample if you wan't more please do go to the website and support the author! (And maybe even convince them to start uploading chapters in here as well!)
Chapter 1.1-1.3
(1.1) Somehow, my search for something genuine became more complicated
”Hikigaya!” I glance up from the griddle, meeting my (technically) boss's gaze. It was... harder than expected, even after a month of living here. Not that there was something wrong with my boss -- she was objectively a beautiful woman, even by my standards -- but my eyes always strayed to her wings and her clawed feet. Once more, I reminded myself that this was all real. That I hadn't been in a coma and all of this isn't just some form of a fever dream. I'm still working on it as best as I can. ”Two more orders of steak with potato sides!”
I nodded, watching as my boss went back to serving the ridiculously-packed establishment. Those wings were distracting for someone like me, who grew up in an insular human village. Or so my cover story went. Nevertheless, it served as a solid excuse, but even I knew that I could only gawk at my boss for a few more times before someone filed a complaint against me.
Blinking and glancing back to the griddle, I flip the burgers with the dispassionate enthusiasm that one my age would give to something like work. While I had burned a few orders during my first days in working here in my boss's establishment, it only lasted for a week before I can cook passable foodstuffs. Besides, I was sure that the food that I cook was nothing more than a side dish compared to the amount of alcohol this establishment's patrons go through every single meal. Therefore, there really wasn't much need for effort to put into the food that I'm currently cooking. All I needed to do was follow the recipe and make sure that whatever I cooked wasn't burnt. Easy. Simple. Less work than actually trying to make these meals taste good.
”Hikigaya-san, table seven's orders please?” I was just about done with said orders as Crim appeared by the window with an empty tray. Once more, I tried my best not to gawk once more while shuffling the orders towards the empty tray, letting the angel move on with their job. Really, Crim's existence just proved the existence of a higher power here. The main question however, is if they would be so willing to send me back to Chiba. Probably not, in my own (twisted) opinion. If they knew where I came from, they might not just let me leave for their own entertainment. At the very least, sticking by Crim was the first step that I need to accomplish if I wanted to go back home. All I need to do is just ask Crim if they would be willing to take me up to Heaven once their halo's healed.
Whenever that happens. Until then, I have nothing else to do but to earn my keep in my boss's establishment.
Somehow, I can't help but sigh even as I rummage around the cupboards for the beef.
---
”... And that's the rush hour done.” My boss said, splaying out her arms behind the bar counter as she gazed out on the crowd of humans and... other species currently in the establishment. There were a lot of them, I admit. And bog-standard to boot. Your typical fare of elves, halflings, dwarves, and human-hybrids all interacting with one another, bickering over drinks and the like. It's hard to think that I'm slowly getting used to all of this after a month. ”Ugh, I hate lunchtime...”
My hands freeze in the process of drying a plate, turning towards my boss with a raised brow. Avoid staring at the wings... or the legs... or that well-endowed damn it Hachiman. ”It's about two hours past noon, though.”
”You do know that this place is close to the S_u_c_c_u_b_u_s District, right?” Crim pipes up from beside me, washing the plates with ease due to their wings. ”The employees usually get off around this hour since most people are either sleeping in their homes or doing something else. That way, they can eat their lunch and have an early dinner too.”
My eyes narrow. ”... And how exactly do you know that?”
I could feel my boss's gaze lock onto Crim as well, even as the angel freezes and the faucet continues on running. The angel's wings twitch, their eyes glancing to the side as if finding an escape, but I made sure to glare at her with my eyes. Crim was trapped, and between my boss's inquisitive gaze and the... effect of my own eyes, he quickly folded.
”... Stunk told me all about it.”
”Of course he did.” I mutter under my breath, swearing at that scruffy-looking bastard and wishing that I could smack him in the head. What was that perverted idiot thinking, perverting a literal angel? Heaven wouldn't take that lying down, you know? Besides, what if engaging in... illicit activities lengthened the amount of time that it took for Crim's halo to heal? It would mean a longer amount of time spent before I can get back home!
Not to mention that Stunk and Zell would be delayed in their future 'conquest' of Heaven. Idiots, the two of them. And they call me a prude for trying to protect Totsu-- I mean Crim's innocence? Hypocrites. Hypocrites, the lot of them. They're both going to hell when they die. Considering that actual demons exist and all that.
WIth a huff and a shake of my head, I return back to drying my dishes, tuning out my boss's conversation with Crim as I focused on getting my tasks done. That, and finding ways to subvert whatever plan that Stunk and Zell were up to now. As much as I hate to admit it, their peer pressure is too strong for even an angel like Crim can stand. I usually went out during the times where that Stunk and Zell were here, but it didn't stop them from coming at an earlier time than expected.
”We're back!”
… Case in point, now. I curse under my breath and stuff the last of the dried plates into their respective cabinets, turning towards my boss while making my way towards the back door. ”Boss, I'm going out for a bit.”
”Hm?” My boss turns towards me, then turns towards the newcomers. Her eyes sharpen while scowling at both Stunk and Zell, strolling straight towards the board with smug grins on their faces with a roll of paper tucked beneath their arms. ”Ah. You can go then. I'll have Crim get you when they're gone, alright?”
”Thanks.” I eke out, quickly undoing the latch on the backdoor and stepping out of the pub. Locking the door behind me, I face the empty alleyway and sigh in relief, leaning against the door for a few seconds before power-walking towards the alleyway's entrance.
”Looks like Stunk was right, after all. You'd be a fine rogue, Hikigaya.” I freeze, a figure about the height of my knee cutting off the entrance. Beady eyes, shifty demeanor, a halfling, acquaintances with Stunk... Kanchal, if I do remember. ”Give up, Hikigaya. You know you can't stay a v_i_r_g_i_n forever.”
Damn it. I don't even have Crim to save me this time around.
I woke up to the sight of the two most frightening individuals that I had met in the entirety of my life. In fact, they were even more scary than Yukinoshita Haruno given that they could easily force me to do their bidding and I wouldn't even have the illusion of choice. Stunk was an accomplished adventurer, really obvious given the fact that he had slain that demon a month back with just a few simple swings. On the other hand, Zell is an elf. And if my pop culture knowledge about those broken individuals were concurrent to this world's rules, then I best stay on his good side.
Still, to think that they would be so desperate enough to have Kanchal drag me back into the pub... I can't help but lower my opinion of them even further.
Inwardly, of course. No doubt that they'd beat me up if I say such a thing out loud.
”Not even a minute in and you're already badmouthing us, huh? As expected of Hikigaya.”
”Stop reading my mind.” I snap back, rubbing my wrists as Kanchal cut off my restraints with a paring knife. Not that I was planning on fighting back, and it wasn't as if I can just run away from them. Still, I was a bit annoyed that they somehow still saw the need to bind me in restraints until they can finally get me to talk. Even if I threw myself at them, I wasn't really going to do much aside from being a minor annoyance.
”Why wouldn't I?” Zell replied with a smirk, green eyes boring into my own. I was suddenly reminded that no matter how old he looked, he was someone who had at least two centuries of experience than me. He could've just easily read my expression without even resorting to magic. Not that I wouldn't discount actual mind-reading, though. Two hundred years is a pretty long time to learn the ins and outs of magic. I think. I'm just going off on conjecture here. ”Besides, the way you think is kind of interesting, to say the least.”
I take it back. Stunk was just an idiot who wants a good lay. It was Zell who was the real danger here, what with being an elf and all that. In any case, I need to get off this line of conversation before I get cornered again. This time, it was less of a physical cornering, but more of a metaphorical one.
... Help me, Crim. Save me from these l_u_s_t-fueled idiots.
”So, why'd Kanchal drag me off here, anyway?” I ask in a monotone, ”Like I told you guys for the past month, I'm not going to a s_u_c_c_u_b_u_s joint with you.”
”Ah.” Stunk replied, his shifty eyes widening whilst stroking his chin. ”So you're too embarrassed to be seen with us, and instead you've been sneaking off to the succu-joints whenever we aren't here?”
”Hell no.” I quickly shot the idea down, rising up from my seat before being pushed back down by Kanchal. ”Look, I'm not going to a s_u_c_c_u_b_u_s joint whether you like it or not. I'm not going there now, tomorrow, until the day I die.”
The pair frowned. I sighed and scratched the side of my head. This was really sharing up to be a chore. ”... Look”, I began, ”I'm thankful to you two for saving Crim and I from that demon, but there's some other way that I can pay you guys back aside from accompanying you to a s_u_c_c_u_b_u_s joint. That's all I'm asking for.”
Stunk snapped his fingers and pointed at me. ”Ah. You got a girl back at home, don't you?”
More like a little sister and some friends, but it fit the bill enough so that I can latch onto that excuse without being incredibly shifty. ”Yeah.”
”You must be those types of guys then, huh? Those that save themselves for their bride first.” Zell sighed, having gotten to the completely wrong conclusion. I let them however, seeing that they wouldn't stop pestering me about all of this if I just went along with the flow. At the very least, it solved the problem of being forced to enter a s_u_c_c_u_b_u_s joint along with them. ”Still, consider it from time to time, will you? Girls like men with some experience, after all.”
Really? Then do tell as to why your still visiting brothels even though you're over two centuries old. Go on, I'll wait. Don't just frown at me, Zell. Answer my question.
”Well, we're all but done here if that's the case, then.” Stunk replied, rising up from his own seat and patting down his cloak. ”If Hikigaya doesn't want to go to a succu-joint since he has someone waiting for him at home, then it's fine. Although...”
I sigh and ready myself for another long-winded question and answer session, only for Stunk to ask me a tame one instead. Surprisingly. ”How are you earning money here? If you've been living on the streets...”