Chapter 2 - My SI Stash #2 - Unexpectedly, I have become Hikigaya Hachiman by minhmap859 (Oregairu) (1/2)
-Inconsistent and a very lazy author aside, this has a really good Self Insert that makes you ask questions! Very intriguing, highly recommended!
Sypnosis: A story born from the combination of a certain antisocial and disillusioned high schooler and a pathetically apathetic college student, both hell bent on finishing their own shitty chapter of youth, stubbornly set in their own way like a bull on a warpath. Or something. I mean, this is a shitty summary. Perfect fit for a shitty self-insert fic, don't you agree?
Rated: T
Words: 30K
Posted on: fanfiction.net/s/12761010/1/Unexpectedly-I-have-become-Hikigaya-Hachiman (minhmap859)
Chapter 1: Unexpectedly, I have become Hikigaya Hachiman. How terribly unoriginal, cliché and...wait, what was the the right word again?
Existential crisis. The bane of middle-aged men stuck in a dead-end career. That strange, unknown feeling that pervades your mind like a snake coiling around your heart, squeezing for all its worth your raison d'être, reminding you so fondly of your inevitable mortality and how everything you did will be all for naught in the end.
But, or me, its that fleeting moment of awareness. Of what? Everything, I think. The absurdity of life, of me, of that feeling that I don't belong here, that this is not right and things will never be alright…
”…Tell me, Hikigaya. Do you recall what I said about the topic for this essay was?”
…and that is okay. I'm okay. Even though I'm now a character in a light novel series, even though everything I thought I had understood about the nature of reality is breaking down right in front of my eyes, even though nothing makes any f_u_c_k_i_n_g sense anymore, i'm still me. Just in the body of a certain Hikigaya Hachiman, with all his knowledge and memories.
Or is it?
What defines ”me”? Body? Mind? The patterns of my atoms? Nah, they are all of Hachiman.
Thoughts? if I'm thinking with his brain then how can his thoughts be mine to begin with? Memories? All the fleeting agony?
”…Hikigaya?”
…But then, they have all become one. As crazy it sounds, I am now him and he is now me, and I'm not sure which end is which.
Still, considering that I'm currently residing in his body, I guess I should refer to myself as Hachiman now.
A harder, better, faster, stronger Hachiman.
…Batman?
”…HACHIMAN!”
…Hachiman it is, then.
”Yes, ma'am?”
”Pay attention to me, damn it! Stop glazing all over the place with your rotting dead fish eyes!”
”Sorry, was thinking about..stuff.”
”'Stuff', huh? Does this 'stuff' of yours include anything to do with this essay, Hikigaya?” Hiratsukasensei, if I recalled correctly, glared at me. ”I'm giving you one last chance to explain yourself, Hikigaya: what is with this pointlessly condescending paper and how could you have thought ending it with a death threat was, in any form or way, a good idea?!”
”The essay topic was ”Looking back on high school life” right? I did share my thoughts about high school life and I did finish the topic with a satisfying conclusion. I wrote what you ask, so therefore I am not at fault here.”
”No you ARE at fault here you idiot! This paper looks more like a death threat than an essay! I'd expect you to reflect on your personal experience, not…whatever you call this!” Hiratsuka-sensei cried out with more then a little force behind it. If I was the Hachiman before, I would probably be intimidated into stuttering like a bloody idiot.
But I'm not.
”Well, you didn't say so.”
”…What?”
”I mean, if you said so in preference to the topic, I would have followed it in a heartbeat.” I paused. ”Yet you didn't. I ain't a psychic, madam. I can neither read your mind nor your memory card.” I took a breath and look at her agape face ”…Nor reverse your control input, but that is beside the point.”
”…Don't get smart with me, kid.”
”Well, it is true that I am just physically a kid…compared to you, that is.”
But then, all the smart talk I have about mentality and whatnot died down in my throat the second after I realized my mistake: Hiratsuka, in all her glory as the Christmas-cake to topple all of Christmas-cakes, is very irrationally s_e_n_s_i_t_i_v_e about comments made on behalf of her age.
”…I'm very sorry.” I said to the certainly not fuming mad face of a certainly violent but and certainly not old teacher whose fist is just millimeters to my face. ”Let's just forget this, okay? I will rewrite the essay, so just sit down, please? Violence is not the only answer, y-you know?”
Still fuming, Hiratsuka fumbles around with her front pocket and pulled out a cigarette, tapping its filter hard against her desk like how old geezers would do and then lit it up with her cheap 100-yen lighter. 3 long drags after, the now less angry but probably still as violent teacher glanced at me with a calculating look on her face.
”Say, Hikigaya…you're not in any club, right?”
”Yup.”
”…Do you have any friends?”
”Acquaintances? Maybe. Friends? Nope.”
”Okay, so..girlfriend?”
”Nope.”
”Good! Let's do it this way! Firstly, rewrite your essay.”
”Okay.”
”Secondly, you will have to join the Service club as punishment for hurting my feelings!”
”Okay.” Sheeeeez...Knew this would happen one way or another.
”W-wait no, you were supposed to say 'objection!'! Now my supposed cool speech is ruined!”
”Okay.” Yup.
”Stop saying ”okay”, damn it!”
”Okay.” This is fun.