Chapter 39 - May 1st Benefits (1/2)

***

“Yes, but the thing is, you’re going back with me this year.” Yu Dong continued, spreading her hands. “I was going to announce the break up this year then take you back next year.”

“Then wouldn’t I have to be hidden away for a year?” Xia Feng didn’t want that. “I would rather face your parents now and take the blame.”

Yu Dong couldn’t help but laugh. When she glanced at her watch, she realized that it was almost 9:00 p.m., so she turned to Xia Feng and said: “I have to go to work.”

“Go ahead.” Xia Feng knew that Yu Dong was going to record the New Year’s show on top of tonight’s broadcast, so she had to leave early.

Xia Feng watched Yu Dong leave before going to the first floor to pick up a watch they had previously ordered for brother-in-law.

The watch store and the jewelry store were all adjacent to each other, so as he headed towards the watch store his eyes strayed to the jewelry store’s window.

Xia Feng stopped and looked at all the shiny jewelry thoughtfully.

……..

“Good evening everyone, this is FM9666, welcome listener friends to Midnight Phantom; this is your DJ Fish Jelly.” Yu Dong pleasantly said, “Today is Fish Jelly’s last live broadcast before the Lunar New Year, so I’d like to wish everyone a happy new year.”

For a while, all the messages blinking in Yu Dong’s computer were all wishing her a happy new year.

Yu Dong smiled. Although it didn’t fit the currently pleasant atmosphere, she still went ahead and picked up a letter: “For the start of tonight’s program, this Fish Jelly wanted to read a letter from a listener friend. However, this letter wasn’t written for Fish Jelly, but for the listener’s lover who had passed away.”

“Hello Fish Jelly, I’m a single mother who often listens to your broadcast. My lover died around this time last year. I once promised that I wouldn’t love again after him and that I would raise our son on my own until he grows up. But…I’m going to marry another man in the near future. I feel like I can’t face my late husband and I hoped that he would condemn me in my dreams, but I don’t even dream of him anymore. Is he looking down and blaming me? Blaming me for breaking my promise, for breaking our love.”

“I have lots of things I want to say to him, but I don’t know where I can say them. I heard that midnight was the time ghosts often visit our earth so I hope that through this platform, he’ll hear all the things I wanted to say to him.”

“Honey, how I wish time would go back. Even if time could only turn back to when you were already dying, I would still be able to hold your hand and see my reflection in your eyes. But people can never turn back time. I’ve heard people say that if you love someone, you must love all of them, including their tears and suffering.”

“But I’m just a worthless person that can’t support her family. After you left, I realized just how much you protected me. After graduating from university, I was already safe under your protective wings. I was warm and comfortable as you shielded me from the wind and rain. Now, I can’t even do a cashier’s job well.”

“A few days ago, our baby became ill, and I didn’t even have the money to treat him. I took the bill and cried in a corner of the hospital corridor as I clutched the paper between my shaking hands. I was so scared, and I missed you so much.”

“I couldn’t help it. I called him. You should know who he is. He rushed over in the middle of the night, helped my pay the medical expenses and brought us home. He didn’t ask for anything excessive, but after that, I knew I couldn’t raise our baby alone.”

“You know he likes me, but I liked you. Now you’re gone, and he’s still single.”

“I was weak, cowardly and incompetent. I asked him, can you still like me after seeing all of this? If you still do, I’ll marry you.”

“When I asked him this, it was raining heavily in Shanghai. Was that you showing your anger?”

“Soon, I’ll marry him. Before the Lunar New Year, I’ll become the wife of another man. I promised you that I would only wear a wedding dress for you in this lifetime, so I told him we would only get the certificate.”

“I think that when I die, I won’t even be able to see you because you’d be in heaven and I’d be in hell. But I think hell would still be preferable compared to seeing disappointment and sadness in your eyes.”

Yu Dong finished the whole letter and looked at the tear spots that littered the page. Yu Dong could clearly see how heartbroken this woman was.

Yu Dong put down the paper and said: “I don’t know if the owner of this letter is listening to tonight’s broadcast. I don’t know if anyone has ever said the words I’m about to say to you. But I just wanted to tell you….”

“Getting married again isn’t your fault.”

“Starting new relationships isn’t your fault.”

“If you one day fall in love with this man, it isn’t your fault either.”

“Go and walk on bravely, keep your head held up high. You haven’t done anything wrong.”

When Yu Dong finished, many messages blinked through her computer, all encouraging her to start a new life. Many understood just how difficult it was to live as a single mother.

Far away in a rented house in Shanghai, a young woman was crying as she held onto a picture.

“Mom, are you crying?” Her 4-year-old son suddenly appeared in the living room.

“I got up to pee.” The child replied.

“Mother will help you.” The woman put down the picture and went over to hold the child’s hand.