Book 8: Chapter 6: Looking for something to be passionate about. (1/2)
After passing through a street lined with accessory stalls, they came to a street lined with bustling bars. On the other side of the open door, visitors can catch a glimpse of a minstrel playing lute, men drinking and singing merrily, and women leaning over to pour a drink. As Monica was looking at that scene absentmindedly, Felix looked at her.
”Are you hungry?”
Monica shook her head, but then Felix turned his attention to the end of the street.
”Then, shall we proceed straight to our destination store?”
There was no hesitation in Felix's steps. Apparently, he had done deciding on what kind of store he plans to drop by.
”…Um, what kind of store are we going to?”
”That will be for you to see when you get there. But I'm sure you'll like it too.”
Evidently, they had to walk a bit to get to that store.
What kind of store it was exactly for a member of the royal family like Felix had to sneak out of his dormitory to visit, Monica wondered. Judging from Felix's behavior in the House of Madame Cassandra, he seemed to be accustomed to visiting brothels. She even saw Felix waving in a friendly manner at a young girl who was standing in front of a store when she was saying, ”Baron!” to call him out.
”Baron” was probably just his alias in this place.
While at school he looked so well-behaved, his conduct appeared unrestrained and carefree—is that how the royal family behaving, she wondered.
Even so, Monica couldn't shake the small feeling of discomfort in her heart for some reason.
”Your… I mean, Eig.”
”Hmm?”
”… Are you having fun when hanging out at night?”
”Do I look like not having fun right now?”
Felix blinked his golden eyelashes, which didn't match his black wig, and tilted his head slightly.
Monica hesitated just a bit, then opened her mouth.
”You appear to look like ‘having fun.'”
At Monica's words, Felix closed his eyes once, then opened them. For a moment, the expression on his composed face disappeared and was replaced by a smile on his face as if he had given up on everything.
”Maybe you're right.”
Felix affirmed Monica's words vaguely, tilted his head up to stare at the sky. Even the stars at night in this brightly lit city don't look too pretty, he still squinted a little, trying to find it.
”…A friend of mine once told me.”
Still looking up, Felix muttered quietly.
”‘I wish you could find many things you can be passionate about that you like, you enjoy, not for anyone else, but for yourself.'”
Every time Felix uttered each of those words, his white breath blended into the darkness of the night. Just like a fog.
”Since that day, I've been searching for all this time, whether it's things I'd love, I'd enjoy, or I'd be passionate about.”
”…did you find it, in this city?”
”I did. And it was the place where we're heading to.”
That answer alone had proved how little interest he really had in the glamorous nightlife. Maybe strutting proudly through the exciting nightlife and spending time with beautiful women was not something he wished.
Still, among that many forms of entertainment, he was looking for things he'd be passionate about while pretending to enjoy it, even it was just for appearance… but somewhere in the back of his mind, he let out a sigh and thought, ”This is not what I want”. Nevertheless, for the sake of his friend's wish, he was still looking for ‘something that he'd love.'
”Sooner or later, when I become king, I will lose my freedom. When that happens, I won't be able to hang out like this… so only this time I can be ”me”, even if only for a short time.”
Monica bit her lip and wondered if she should express the doubts that were welling up in her heart. Depending on the circumstances, doubting his reasoning could be considered disrespectful—and ending up with her head decapitated would be a natural thing.
Still, Monica wanted to know the truth. What was Felix really thinking?
”…Do you still want to be a king, even though you know you'll lose your freedom?”
”Do I want to be a king? …I guess you're a bit wrong about that.”
Felix shook his head slowly then looked down at Monica. The expression drained from his composed face, and his jewel-like blue eyes lost their sparkle.
”I have to be king.”
Yes, being born into royalty and aiming to be king is a natural thing—a feeling that Monica will never understand.
The topic of the succession to the throne is a very delicate one. So having someone doubt him might lead him to get an insult saying that he's not fit to be a king.
That's why Monica bowed deeply to Felix.
”I-I'm sorry for asking you such a rude question.”