Chapter 64 (1/2)

“Well then, Charles.”

After I had seen His Highness’ unsightly show of being dragged down the corridor, I abruptly turned around.

Standing before me was of course, Charles. Still the fear and nervousness I usually felt in front of him was gone. My heart had never felt so light.

It’s alright, with my heart lightened I think I can manage this somehow.

Sure, Endo’s a useless idiotic bastard without a single redeeming quality, but for a genius like me I could use that to my advantage. This was my only chance to fix the complicated situation we were in.

“I have something to tell you.”

“……What is it?”

Without looking away Charles wiped away the tears from his big blue eyes.In the light coming through the window Charles’ blonde hair seemed to shine.

Go on, say it. Right now is your once in a lifetime opportunity to clear this up. Say it. Just speak Christina Noir!

Spurred on by my inner voice I opened my mouth wide and-

“What nice weather it is today Charles!”

Yup.

I was mistaken.

Just how deep into my unconscious was the urge to run away ingrained.

I didn’t want to say such a thing, and Charles didn’t want to be told such a thing. That much was obvious. Only in front of Charles did I become such an idiot, even then I still knew that.

Even Charles eyes’ seem terribly displeased.

“That’s right. The weather is nice. ……so?”

“Ah, no, that’s not it. That’s not what I wanted to say, ah…..”

“Yeah, then what did you want to say?”

“Urk-”

My heart jumped as his voice dropped several degrees.

I’m not used to facing Charles when he’s like this, it’s making me jumpy. I’m too conscious of him, and too worried about his reactions. Even though I know that’s why I keep getting caught in this vicious cycle, I don’t know how to escape it and not knowing just makes me even more impatient.

I start to panic. It’s better if I run away than to have our conversations turn so cold. These helpless thoughts come out and I lose my voice.

“…Chris?”

His calling my name returned me to sanity.

His voice cracked a little as he said my nickname, I could feel his uneasiness.

I’ve been driving myself crazy over pointless worries. I’m not the only one annoyed at my indecisiveness, Charles is in the same boat. I have so many things I want to hear from Charles.

But now is time for Charles to hear my side. Charles has never run away from me once, and he’s never tried to force the conversation.

So there’s no reason for me to be so confused.

“……”

I take a deep breath.

That breath fills my lungs and circulates through my body. I gradually manage to return my breathing to normal and oddly enough my heart also calmed down.

“Sorry”

I finally said the words I’d been holding onto for two years.

If I could say that, then the rest was easy.

“To avoid you all this time, I’m sorry I selfishly ran away. It doesn’t mean that I’ve come to hate you, Charles. I can’t say it well, but that’s definitely not what’s going on”

“…okay”

“It’s just, I don’t really understand it myself. EVen now I still don’t understand. But I know I’ve been acting like a fool. …..I kept running away, I’m sorry. I can’t apologise enough.”

“Yeah, that’s enough.”

In the middle of my words Charles squeezed my cuff tightly.

“Even if you don’t explain everything, I think I basically get it. Since it’s Chris, I had a feeling it was something like this.”

“I see”

“But, I was scared I was wrong. Not knowing was so scary…..you can be such an idiot sometimes Chris.”

“What?!”

I puffed my cheeks up in frustration at the most unthinkable comment in the world. I, I –

I am a genius. I ran around the mansion freely at age one, could speak at age three, had read every book in the study by five, was praised as the perfect lady at my first ball at seven, realized my first love at nine, and now at eleven I could finally face that love. I am such a perfect lady that I have never received a complaint.

But only this time, I won’t complain and apologise instead.

“I’m sorry.”