Chapter 133: Rent-a-Prophet (1/2)
It was evening, and he was high on love!
So thought Victor Dalton, as he worked on a new mixture in his lab, his heart full of happiness. He had never been so productive, so energetic, so thoughtful! The warmth in his chest had fueled him through the day, finishing years-long research projects in hours while he awaited for Vainqueur’s summon.
“I’m so happy!” Victor shouted, out of nowhere.
“Me too!” his [Fetch] clone replied with the same enthusiasm, while Lynette dusted the pocket dimension in the background. In time, it would count as a magical inn, with all the benefits that came with it. “We should share the word!”
“Yes!” Victor looked in the screaming souls in his [Harvest] scythe, wielding it with one hand and his new potion with another. “I’m so happy! I’m so happy I could release all of you, even if I never will! But I could!”
Nothing could ruin his day!
“Mortal!”
His body shifted from his private dimension to another, but instead of finding himself in front of Vainqueur as he expected, the [Reaper] faced angry deities.
The marble temple around the Vizier reminded him of the afterlife antechamber, with which he had grown accustomed to after his repeated deaths. However, this place was clearly part of heaven, if Victor could trust the golden clouds and shining light all around him. A giant map of Outremonde had been drawn in the middle of the room, its borders shifting on their own.
Two giants, one of them Mithras, and the other a shining knight whom Victor recognized as Leone oversaw a gathering of mortal heroes.
“Vic.” Kia nodded at him, dressed in full armor, and backed by what appeared to be a small band of elite adventurers. Victor recognized the dark elf sorcerer he had met at Vainqueur’s Bragging Day, ‘Kevin.’ “We need to discuss—”
“Kia, I have a son!” Victor shouted, interrupting his friend. “I am so happy!”
“Oh, congratulations,” she said, happy for Victor, but not as much as the father himself.
“His name is Armand, and he pees everywhere!” the Vizier gushed over his progeny. “But he makes that giggling sound and he’s so adorable, that I always forgive him!”
The Paladin wasn’t sure what to answer, while the deities and crusaders looked at the scene with confusion. “Okay…”
“We have more pressing matters to address, mortal,” Mithras spoke up, his voice grim and imperious.
“More pressing matters, speak for yourself!” Victor replied, before frowning behind his helmet. “Wait, how could you summon me in your planar realm in the first place? I thought you needed to claim me first for that.”
“We rented you for thirty minutes,” Leone replied, without elaborating. While Mithras was simply neutral, the goddess didn’t sound happy to see the Vizier.
“You are here at my chosen’s behest, Victor,” Mithras pointed a finger at the Outremonde map, “to see how we can handle this.”
The Vizier looked at the map, realizing that it was fully animated. Thousands of tiny dragons flew from all corners of the map towards the Mistral continent, converging towards its shores.
“That’s a lot of dragon miniatures,” Victor said, before connecting the dots. “The Conclave worked!”
“More than sixty thousand dragons and their lesser cousins are making their way to Prydain, with most of them expected to reach the island in three days,” Mithras explained.
“Everywhere, chaos and confusion have spread,” Leone replied, summoning dozens of phantom pictures. The gathering watched scenes of humans, beastlings, and elves screaming in fear, as dozens of dragons flew over their cities. Drakes, wyverns, and zmey followed their greater cousins, nabbing cows and goats while at it. “Most countries believe the end of the world has come, and tensions are at an all-time high.”
“Meanwhile, Prydain remains completely shrouded from our divine sight and divination,” Mithras added. “We ordered a crusade against Mell Odieuse, even before her attack on the V&V Empire revealed the existence of her ‘light arrows.’ Now we’ve hastened it.”
“King Roland Gardemagne and Barsino of Barin agreed to lend their support,” Kevin explained. “We put back together the Shining Crusade and called every elite adventurer who participated in the final battle against King Balaur. All in all, the entire civilized world is arrayed against Prydain.”
“Sixty thousand dragons,” Victor muttered.
“Yes, and dragons,” Leone said, clearly not happy at all with this development. “If the fomors do not destroy the world, their hunger will. They devastate the countryside on their path, devouring all cattle they find!”
“We were already forced to send all dwarves underground, for the world’s own safety,” Mithras said. “Outremonde will not survive a dragon drunken riot.”
“This Conclave was a disaster,” Leone complained, clearly more of a hardliner than her fellow, “The dragons already caused such disorder, but something of this magnitude hasn't been seen since the godwar!”
“Odds favor us, but as Mell Lin pointed out, a cornered rat will bite a cat,” Kia cleared her throat. “Odieuse has fortified her dominions, and if she is willing to launch five of them at once, then she probably has a large stockpile of nukes. Why she hasn’t used them to devastate our shores yet is worrying.”
“Oh, it’s okay, we are going to sink the island after we are done leveling it to the ground,” Victor replied casually. “We will drown their arsenal like Atlantis.”
His solution was met with confused silence.
“My friend Jaja woke up his master Dagon, and he is very good at destroying civilizations,” Victor explained cheerfully. “We hit the Mell clan from everywhere, and then we sink their entire stronghold. Problem solved, and my kids will be safe.”
“This seems disproportionate, not to mention irresponsible,” Mithras said.
“It’s the only way to be sure.” Victor suddenly stopped though, as he remembered something important. “Kia, most of my kids are monsters and half-demons. You’re not going to go [Paladin] on them once this is over, are you?”
“What do you mean?” The knight frowned, as the atmosphere turned positively oppressive, “Why is the temperature increasing?”
“Because, Kia, you are my friend, but they are my kids. They come first, and I will do anything to protect them.” He looked at her with the fires of Happyland in his gaze. “Anything.”
Charisma check successful!
“Vic, I owe you one for the curse of Seng thing,” Kia reassured him, although deeply disturbed alongside all the people present. “I’m not going to discipline your children without picking a fight with you first. You have my word.”
“Oh good,” the Vizier replied, calming himself. “Because I am a dad first, and a friendly soul-stealing warlord second.”
“You will not threaten my Claimed in our presence!” Leone's voice boomed, her eyes shining with burning wrath.
“Why, you want to harm my kids?” Victor glared back.
The goddess seemed surprised by the defiant response, and a little offended. “No, of course not. I am a knight, I do not harm children.”
“Good for you, because if anybody threatens them,” Victor ominously looked at the shining Heaven around him. “I would be very unhappy about it.”
A short silence fell on the gathering.
“Get it?” Victor asked, the lack of reaction bothering him. “Happyland, unhappy?”
“Kia, you are friends with this loon?” Kevin asked his teammate.
“He’s usually nothing like this,” Kia replied, embarrassed. “I don’t understand what’s going on. He sounds bipolar now!”
“Fatherhood drove him mad,” Mithras said, nonplussed. “His karma was already all over the place, but it is getting increasingly difficult to keep track of it.”
“This already happened in the past?” his own Paladin asked him.
“Countless times.” Leone looked at her fellow deity with a frustrated ‘I told you so’ gaze, but the sun god ignored her. “Kia, Victor, you will work on your very platonic friendship after the world is saved from devastation. We will coordinate to assist the dragon’s assault in three days, but until then, we must ensure order among the civilian populations and protect Mistral’s shores from fomor retaliation.”
“The magical shield designed by Furibon to protect his castle could be extended across the coast or at least major cities,” Kevin the mage coughed, slipping the last discussion under the rug, “if we could reverse-engineer it.”
“Why haven’t you asked him directly?” Victor asked the deities.
“Unfortunately, the lich is under the protection of Deathjester, at least for the duration of that… that loathsome dungeon contest,” Leone spat.
“Which is where you come in,” Mithras explained. “Use your Claimed privileges to intercede on the world’s behalf. We will also need your help to pacify the dragons and prevent things from getting out of hand.”
Why did everyone always hand him over the dirty work?
“Also, how far are you into developing the plague’s antidote?” Kia asked.
“Oh, I have it already!” Victor showed them the potion in his hand. “I had to rough up Mell Lin’s soul to make him confess, but it was worth it!”
Kia’s face deflated, but Mithras’ eyes instantly shone up. “Then give it to me, Victor,” the deity said, “I will have my church distribute it to the population for free. I have the religious infrastructure to spread such a cure quickly.”
“Vainqueur wanted to commercialize it, at an overpriced rate,” Victor pointed out, ignoring the offended responses. “You know what, I can give it away, but under one condition.”