Chapter 122: Slimonies (1/2)
This was probably the most awkward breakfast in Victor’s life.
He and Chocolatine stood at each end of her kitchen table in embarrassed silence, neither of them willing to address the elephant in the room.
“So… did you enjoy Samhain?” the werewolf tried to make conversation, but only made both of them cringe.
“Sort of,” he replied, shifting uncomfortably on his chair. “It was enlightening.”
“Oh.”
You have taken weak [Psychic] damage from the awkwardness.
Yeah, at least the last rendezvous had been refreshingly direct.
He had just left a meeting with Isabelle, his demonic mistresses, and all of their assorted lawyers. The exhausting session had ended with a settlement, although one that left the Vizier less than pleased.
“That’s an agreement I signed for most of my progeny.” Victor finally mustered his courage, showing Chocolatine a document. “To make it short, I recognize all of my children as trueborn, although my daughter with Isabelle Maure goes first in the inheritance order. Isa signed a separate agreement with the other fiends, with all their children being guaranteed a place among Braniña’s corporate board once she becomes a demon CEO in exchange for specific concessions. I agreed to pay alimonies, child support, and provide housing in my mansion.”
“Alimonies?” Chocolatine said, refusing to look at the document. She had never cared about legal technicalities.
“Yeah,” Victor sighed. “There was a clause in the summoning contract saying that if I were to ever impregnate members of the Demonic Harem by accident, I become their exclusive employer. Which means that I must pay a ‘perpetual concubine retainer fee’ until I die for the fourth time.”
“This sounds like a nuptial agreement,” Chocolatine said, clearly frustrated with this.
“They didn’t use the term, but yeah.” The financial penalties were so high, that the lawyers had suggested suicide and revival as a cheap alternative. “They say it’s to guarantee that all new children will ‘belong to the hero of Happyland’, but truthfully, they’re just ripping me off.”
And his troubles weren’t done. He still had to visit Haudemer to do a paternity test there.
The werewolf seemed angry, but for what he expected. “I can’t believe you married demons first!”
“I thought you were okay with an open relationship?” Victor frowned.
“Yes, but…” She crossed her arms, embarrassed. “I would have loved a pretty fur dress.”
Victor sighed. “Choc, I am telling you this so you know where I stand about us.”
The werewolf remained awkwardly silent.
“If…” Damn, why was it so hard to speak about the subject?! “If you decide to keep them, I will legitimize our children and take responsibility.”
“If I decide?” Chocolatine cut him off, uncomfortable with this conversation. “Vic, don’t say that. The two of us have to decide.”
“I will be okay with either choice,” Victor replied. “If you decide to… you know, I will respect your decision, and nothing will change. I’m addicted to you, and if you will have me, I shall remain by your side. It will be like before.”
“You’re addicted to me?” Her face brightened.
“I am,” he said. “I can’t explain it logically. I’m not sure if this is love, but if all the girls I messed with had ghosted me, you would have been the one I would have fought tooth and nails to keep in my life.”
In spite of her eccentricities, in spite of her dangerous grip on sanity, she held a tighter grip on his heart than anyone else.
By now, the werewolf had turned red. Chocolatine was horribly cute that way. “Vic,” she spoke up. “I told you before that I had no intention to settle down.”
The Vizier nodded.
“But... I’m addicted to you too, and I think we have something special: two weredragons, and two wereslimes.”
Victor thought he had misheard. “Two wereslimes?”
“Oh yes! According to Isengrim, they’re like werewolves, but they become slimes during the full moon!”
Which god decided to make this crap a reality? “Choc, I must warn you. You know me, I don’t think I’m the best person to be a dad.”
“You will learn,” she replied warmly. “I will help.”
He rose from his chair, she did the same, and they hugged.
As he held her tight against his chest, Victor remembered the early days of their relationship; the fear he had felt, compared to the anxious warmth he experienced now. True, she was crazy, but also caring and loving.
At this moment, he wouldn’t have traded her for anything.
A newcomer that the Vizier had never seen before suddenly entered the kitchen, shattering the tender moment. A creature looking like a scarecrow with a pumpkin for a head, and clearly in need of a fix. “Jack is hungry!”
“Choc, who is this?” Victor asked, still keeping the werewolf in his arms.
“Jack, my new tenant!” Chocolatine said. “I’m renting him Croissant’s old room since Samhain. Jack, this is my boyfriend Vic!”
“Jack says hello,” the creature said before immediately focusing on the important matter. “Jack asking where are the Garfield cookies?”
“In the freezing slime fridge!” the werewolf said. “But you will get fat if you keep eating my pastries! Allison said I put too many calories in them!”
“Jack never gets fatter,” the monster replied while searching in the kitchen.
Victor raised an eyebrow, using [Monster Insight] to read the strange entity.
Jack O’Lantern
Soulcrested Fomor (Fairy/Undead).
Strong against: Fire, Necromancy, Plants, Unholy, Spirit, Fairy, Magic, Curses, all negative status ailments.
Weak to: Dragon, Deadslayer, Frost, Cold Iron, Starmetal, Candies.
The patron fairy of Halloween/Samhain, and the inspiration of the Jack O’Lantern myth on Earth. A maladjusted loner among his kind addicted to candies, Jack declined to join Odieuse’s crusade, but stole one of her Soulcrests as a prank. Benign if bribed on Samhain, he is now confused by his newfound, perverse fascination with Chocolatine’s food (and Murmurin in general).
The Vizier froze, ready to fire a deadly spell at the monster. “Choc, behind me.”
“What?” his girlfriend replied, clueless.
“Do you know what he is?”
“A fomor.”
“A f—you knew?”
“Yeah, he told me,” the werewolf replied casually. “But Jack is very nice! He is helping us with farming since he doesn’t have any money.”
“Jack confused,” the fomor rasped. “First time Jack lives among mortals without a disguise.”
Victor blinked repeatedly, before whispering into his lover’s ear, “Choc, what are you thinking?”
“Vic, I helped build Murmurin so all monsters could live in peace and be good neighbors,” Chocolatine pointed out. “Even fairies. He’s behaving, and he isn’t even from Prydain, so what is the problem?”
“That he is living at your place,” Victor replied protectively.
The werewolf blushed, before kissing him on the cheek. “I’m fine, I swear! Besides, he will never harm a cook as good as me!”
“Jack has been treated,” the fomor said. “So Jack will play no trick.”
“See?”
The Vizier looked on as Jack knocked on the fridge with his finger, as if expecting someone to open from the other side.
Victor was torn. True, he had wondered if they could make peace with fomors in the first place if their souls allowed them to empathize with the ‘lesser races’ that they denigrated. But even if this one looked clueless, Jack remained a fomor; a creature about as dangerous as a dragon. To have one living in Murmurin, at his lover’s place to boot...
Still, Chocolatine had a certain talent for dealing with monsters, and his [Monster Insight] hadn’t detected any ill-will from that pumpkin scarecrow. He was willing to take the risk; although he would have the fairy watched at all times.
Wait.