Chapter 88: El Dorado (1/2)

The sun was high in the sky, yet darkness had taken over the earth.

Vainqueur could sense it all. The grim nightmares that awaited them behind the trees. The malevolence lurking at the heart of the jungle, the disgusting stench of paupers grasping for the gold of the well-to-do. The same, wordless evil that he had faced on the planet Moon, had returned to lay waste to Outremonde.

The curse of lead poisoning, and the evil lich that spread it.

“FURIBON!”

Vainqueur’s roar echoed through the dense jungle, chasing birds away. “Was that… necessary?” his chief of staff complained, wincing from the noise. “My ears…”

“I want him to know!” Vainqueur declared. “To know that justice is coming and that he will have to answer for his baby coin genocide.”

The mere thought of the wicked Furibon corrupting the golden perfection of El Dorado, as he did with the moon, filled the dragon with fury.

To rest until his chief of staff returned from his hangover-induced flight, Vainqueur and a minion expedition had set camp in the heart of the forest, near the golden city. Xolotl the priest had guided them through, protected from the sun by parasol-wielding minions of his own. Other kobolds fawned over Vainqueur, constantly reminding the dragon of his greatness, wealth, and genius in whispers. The dragon made a note to recruit an elite fawner force to serve him in Murmurin.

Otherwise, only three minions of Vainqueur had dared to follow him in the war against Furibon’s cruelty: Sweet Chocolatine; Untasty Allison; and Tasty Malfy.

Manling Victor hadn’t recovered from last night's overdwarfing and struggled to stay standing even when using his scythe. He had needed Sweet Chocolatine’s help to put his boxers on, and couldn’t use a Perk to save his life. The adorable werewolf had cast every healing spell she knew on him, to no avail.

For dwarf intolerance had no cure. Vainqueur knew that well.

Manling Victor’s return to the camp was met with a variety of reactions. Allison reddened like a tomato and moved her hands on her mouth to suppress her laughter. Malfy looked at the Vizier with near-religious admiration. And Xolotl...

“Brother, you are back.” The lizard priest moved to give the greatest of all minions a passionate hug. “I pray to the goddess that you achieved illumination on your spiritual journey.”

“I… I don’t remember much…” the half-dragon admitted. “I think… I’ve been bitten…”

“Brother Victor, you have bloodbonded with the entire city’s priesthood. You are more than a guest. You are part of us, and we are part of you.”

“They said… I was easy…” Victor muttered as the priest broke off the embrace, before noticing Allison. “Hey, it’s… it’s Al…”

With her hands still on her mouth, the dryad turned away from Victor, doing her best not to look at him. Such shyness. “Did I do… something wrong?” the Vizier blurted, before putting a hand on his mouth too.

“Yeah, I mean, you started dancing while throwing off your clothes in public,” Chocolatine said. “She even tried to slap some sense into you. Don’t you remember?”

“No… Oh, gods, I want to puke...”

“But then you removed your underwear and you started ranting about ‘universal cosmic love,’ and she couldn’t stop laughing, and me too... and we would have gotten to the really funny part if it wasn’t for that meddling angel!”

“What… what is that?” Friend Victor asked upon noticing a pile of items in the middle of the camp.

Vainqueur had been meaning to ask as well. Since Manling Victor’s dwarf-fueled rampage, imp messengers had kept piling up stuff for the dragon and his minion. Cakes, gems, letters, golden watches, refined pens, demon-leather notebooks… by now it had reached the size of a small hill, and more imps added to the pile.

“These are all the gifts from the Corporate Overlords, the letters of congratulation, the alliance proposals, the invitation to private orgies, the codified offers of bootlicking, and… and…” Thick black liquid poured from Malfy’s insectoid eyes. “Mr. Victor, I… you...”

“You’re… crying…” Manling Victor frowned. “Malfy, are you crying?”

“I am moved to tears,” the fiend cried. “I never thought this day would happen… but you did it. You did it. You and Your Majesty, you are more than business partners. You are heroes.”

“I know,” Vainqueur said, always proud of himself. “I know, minion. But thank you for reminding me.”

“Did what…” Manling Victor would have been happy for his master too if he wasn’t suffering from his dwarf hungover. “Can’t remember...”

“I want to be your trainee!” an imp immediately asked Manling Victor. “Take me!”

“See this, imp?” Malfy said, managing to wipe away his tears of joy. “This is not the face of a mortal. This the face of a hero. Not the one Happyland expected... but the one it needed!”

“All minions of my minions are my minions,” Vainqueur declared. “I will gladly accept your fealty, imp.”

As the critter rejoiced, Manling Victor frowned. “I have the feeling I have done… something terrible…”

“You have done your duty, minion, and this is what matters,” Vainqueur said. “I am also pleased to learn you did not cheat on me with this cat, however refined a master he may be.”

“Cheat…” Manling Victor glared at Felix the cat, who had followed them back to the camp. “Why is he here? How is he here?”

“I am a cat, I can do anything,” the feline spoke in his native tongue, which was a close enough variant of dragonian for Vainqueur to understand him. Indeed, he had never known ‘meow’ was a variant of ‘minion’ until today.

“Because he is cute!” Chocolatine said. “Look at him. Look at his tiny eyes!”

“Felix claimed you as his Doer of the Thing, and I very carefully reminded him of your minion vows,” the dragon replied in his native tongue. “We talked it over a cup of milk, and I found him to be an extraordinarily refined and intellectual creature.”

“Your dragon master is the most exquisite being I have met who is not a cat,” Felix flattered Vainqueur. “He is such a paragon of kingship, with such novel ideas about minion management… what enlightening discussions we had.”

“Truly, I am marvelous, and I wish more creatures shared my understanding of true nobility and quality breeding.”