Chapter 4x: Human-Sized Loot (1/2)
“That feast was great,” Vainqueur told Victor, as his faithful minion returned from the ash-filled ruins of the Woods of Gevaudan, having covered his mouth with a scarf and carrying a full bag on his back. Vainqueur could already hear the sound of his new treasures falling on his hoard. “We should come back one day.”
The dragon wondered how that noble catkin would have tasted if roasted. Beastkins had varied tastes, and that one would have been fat enough to satisfy Vainqueur’s ravenous appetite.
Yesterday’s feast, and the ash-filled atmosphere of the burned woods, made Vainqueur hungry for a special barbecue. It had been a long time since he had eaten anything more varied than cattle or bland, unfulfilling knightly manlings.
What else could he eat? Elves were vegan food. They tasted like the grass they liked so much and made him sick. Dwarves were nice, fat and thick, but Vainqueur always got drunk after eating more than three. Goblins were little more than snacks.
Dragons then? Come to think of it, Vainqueur had never eaten other dragons. Vainqueur wondered how he himself would taste, with that sweet manling sauce and spices.
…
No, that would be cannibalism. Vainqueur wasn’t a savage.
“We, Your Majesty?” the minion asked his master.
“Minion, you are my official guide,” Vainqueur gave his chief of staff a new promotion. He had more than deserved it, and due to his current minion shortage, the dragon had many offices to distribute. “You take care of the trip, I take care of the food. Now, what have you found?”
“Quite a lot, actually. That [Old Money] perk is goddamn useful. No wonder nobles live the high life.” The minion opened the bag, presenting Vainqueur’s new treasures to the dragon, jeweled rings, necklaces, sounding horns, trinkets and other shiny stuff. “A [Ring of Fire Resistance], a [Horn of Wyvern Calling], a [Gold Statue of Mithras], a [Firebomb Necklace], a pair of |Solar Bracers] and a lot of gold pieces I haven't counted, probably twenty thousand or so.”
Vainqueur marveled at the new additions to his hoard, especially the three foot tall gold statue of some manling king and the golden bracers. At this rate, he would double the size of his hoard within the week.
Since nothing should have resisted his flames, Vainqueur figured the Perk must have materialized these treasures after the incineration. The more he learned about this class system, the more it fascinated him. “You sound like an expert retriever, minion,” Vainqueur said, noticing his chief of staff had identified each item by name, ”I did not know this.”
“That’s thanks to my [Eye for Treasure],” Victor replied. “It’s a Class Perk that allows me to identify magical items and their value.”
“What about this [Lesser Poison Resistance] perk I received yesterday? You said I could only get one every two levels.”
“Yes, for class perks. There are two categories of perks, class perks and personal perks. The first are obtained by leveling up, the others by fitting specific criteria, like eating too much poison. I heard it’s very rare to get it this way.”
“Who else but a dragon to unlock it?” Vainqueur declared proudly. He was just getting started. “Put the treasures with the rest of my earnings. We return to my hoard to add them to it, and then we go…” The dragon left the sentence hanging.
“Hunt the kraken of Messaline, Your Majesty?” Manling Victor suggested.
“Hunt the sixty thousand coins squid, my thought exactly, minion.” Just the thought of eating that kraken and getting paid for it made him salivate. Maybe the creature would drop a greater treasure Vainqueur hadn't collected yet, like a throne or a crown.
Being an adventurer was awesome! Why haven't more dragons tried it?
“About that, Your Majesty,” Victor cleared his throat, coughing due to the ashes, “I only survived the trip thanks to a potion of fire resistance the marquise gave me. What use to you have of that ring or the bracers?”
“They are shiny, and they will look good in my hoard.”
“I’m just saying, I would perform my duties better with good equipment, Your Majesty. Especially if you have me search for items in ash-covered ruins every week. At worse, you could recover your shiny treasures from my corpse if I die in the line of duty.”
“What equipment?” The demand confused Vainqueur more than anything. “You will not look better with bracers or a ring. All manlings look the same.”
“Thank you for the kind remark, Your Majesty.”
“You are welcome, minion.”
“Anyway, the ring will make me resistant to fire, the horn can help me summon a wyvern in a pinch, and the bracers increase my strength under the sun. Only the necklace is more trouble than it is worth, and unless either of us worship the god Mithras, the statuette has no effect besides looking good.”
Vainqueur gave his lackey a confused look. “You can get stronger by wearing bracers?”
Victor’s face morphed into a strange expression, as if he had said something stupid. Vainqueur pushed further as he connected the dots. “Minion, are you telling me that you also became resistant to fire by drinking a potion?”
The minion shifted uncomfortably, as if he had something to hide. “Yes, Your Majesty, I did. For a time.”
So all along, the foolish manlings trying to kill him didn't wear items to look less unremarkable? They could get more powers from magical items?
”Marvelous!” Not that Vainqueur would ever need a potion to survive a trip among flames, but the idea of his hoard making him more powerful appealed to him. Vainqueur already imagined himself with a golden crown making his breath even hotter. ”And the bracers give strength? I will try them at once!”
“They’re human-sized so they won’t fit,” the minion pointed out the obvious.
“Oh?” Vainqueur checked, and realized that yes, all of his new treasures were indeed manling-sized. He did not hide his disappointment, nor the anger boiling within him. “Why has my Perk brought me human-sized treasure? This is sabotage! A malfunction!”