Chapter 66 - Harry Potter Fan-fiction 23 - World Changer (1/2)
Plot: Harry is a man broken and weighed down by regrets. He is past the point of caring, until one day he takes the opportunity to change his fate—blast the consequences.
Pairing: H-Hr
NOTE: A in-progress fan-fic. Nearly to the end of the fan-fic, but does not seem like there is going to be any more chapters..... so don't read if you dislike unfinished works (albeit a near completed one)
He was a regular Mad-Eye-Moody.
With the loss of his leg, he was forced to rely heavily on his wooden crutch. He may still have both his eyes, but his eyesight was poor and scars marred his face. The resemblance to his former mentor was uncanny. Much like the Irish wizard, he was responsible for many of the occupied cells in Azkaban.
He sat behind an elegant rosewood desk, feeling rather silly and a bit useless.
There had been no Death Eater activity in quite some time...not since that fateful day.
Auror work was rather tame lately, with his latest case consisting of a pest scam where victims accused pest control companies of purposefully infecting their homes with Chizpurfles so magicfolk would be in desperate need of their services. A rather colossal waste of his time, in the grand scheme of things. But whenever there was something more serious that came up, it was usually Ron or Dean that took the call, making excuses that it would be better for him to stay at the Ministry in case things escalated. He loathed being told he was better staying at the Ministry.
It wasn't as if he was incapable of ȧssisting.
No one had ever left Mad-Eye behind in the office!
There was hardly anything to do anymore, save going home to Ginny. Luckily for him, Ginny had quite the blossoming Quidditch career and could often be found away, but when she was home, she was exceedingly needy. He could do without her whining...her scorn...her revulsion towards him. He knew he was no longer the wizard he used to be, how could he forget when it was forever clear in Ginny's eyes? He didn't need the reminder—he gave himself quite enough grief! She was in need of things, things she no longer felt he could offer her. Because of that, bitterness had begun to permeate their relationship, settling in the pit of his stomach and doused by indifference.
He was beginning to care less and less.
Ever since that day - so long ago - that was when everything had changed, his entire outlook. He'd made a mistake - a terrible mistake! - and there was no way to rectify it.
It had only been three years, but it felt like an eternity. He was twenty-one back then, young and vibrant and still full of life.
Now, Harry lived in a permanent state of regret.
His leg, or rather, the ghost of his leg, throbbed and tingled up his knee and then further up his thɨġh. Taking a card from Malfoy, he took a deep sip of Firewhiskey, relishing in the fiery burn it left whilst sliding down his throat, regardless of being at work. He'd become all too used to the feeling as of late. It was the only thing to numb the constant pain. He missed the feeling of wholeness. These days he felt incomplete and lacking.
Harry ran a hand through unruly black hair. Caramel-colored eyes flashed through his mind.
Her eyes.
They were open and honest and so heart-wrenchingly beautiful.
Hermione... so sweet and so innocent and so gone.
~oOo*oOo~
Sunday found him having dinner at Cauldrons again.
Some of their friends were there, or rather, her friends.
On the rare occasion Harry liked to go out, he would much rather Floo to Wiltshire and catch the Malfoy patriarch for a quiet drink. Somehow, over the past two years, he'd become something close to friends with his former nemesis. They shared the same dry, witty humor and it wasn't so exhausting to endure the Slytherin's company.
Harry's lip curled at the sight of Lavender. Maybe it had been three years, but how could Ron stand being with her when he'd lost Hermione? How did Lavender even begin to compare? The witch was sweet enough, but she was shallow and vapid and she giggled far too much for Harry's liking. It wore on his nerves in the most nails-on-the-chalkboard sort of way. That Ron could move on so effortlessly made Harry want to hurl. Perhaps they deserved one another.
”Did you hear, Harry?” Ginny's voice effectively cut through his private musings. ”Marcus' whole team has been outfitted with the newest broom that hasn't even hit stores yet.”
”Oh?” Harry couldn't bring himself to be equally as excited.
Marcus nodded smugly. ”The Silver Streak. It won't be out to the public until next year.”
”Faster than the Firebolt?” Ron inquired, his arm thrown carelessly around Brown's shoulders. ”That I'd have to see.”
”180 miles an hour,” Ginny informed her brother enthusiastically. Then she turned to the rest of the table. ”It has an extendable seat for extra cushioning.”
”You have to try it out, it's one wild ride.” Flint flashed them another smile.
”Would that I could,” Harry muttered bitterly. He had tried to mount a broom multiple times since the altercation that had lost him his leg. There was something off with the balance. His left leg was now far too heavy and he had to tense his muscles just so in order to even it out. He hadn't got the hang of it. It was too irritating to be confronted by all he'd lost.
The others exchanged uncomfortable glances, Flint having just realized his error.
Ginny's smile faltered and she cleared her throat loudly. ”Yes, well, you'll get the hang of it again, eventually.”
Harry nodded. In fairness, she was right. He would simply have to learn how to fly despite his permanent injury. It was just taking longer than he might have liked. But he would probably never be able to ride a broom that went that fast.
Ginny smiled brightly and shifted her attention to Ron. ”So what is it you said you wanted to tell us about?”
Ron smiled sheepishly, glancing around the table before ducking his head. ”Just got a bit of news to tell you, that's all.”
Lavender grinned from ear to ear and Harry became instantly weary.
”I'm expecting.” She beamed. ”Ron and I are going to be parents!”
For a split second, Harry could swear he saw Ginny's face twist in an expression that could only be described as envy, but it was gone in an instant. She plastered on a sickly sweet smile dripping with happiness for the couple. Harry tried not to scowl. He regretted not getting to know Ginny, truly getting to know her. At the time when they were teenagers, he had seen what he wanted to see, but now the scales had fallen from his eyes and he'd seen the real Ginny, the Ginny that had wanted to be Mrs. Ginevra Potter ever since second year. There had been signs, of course, but Harry had ignored them. It was always supposed to be Ron and Hermione and he and Ginny and now it was too late. Ron had never appreciated Hermione, had never deserved her, and he had moved on so effectively he was already having a kid with Hermione's replacement.
Harry couldn't bring himself to feel joy but mumbled the polite things he was supposed to say anyway.
Table talk resumed and Harry found himself tuning out automatically. It was just more of the same—Ginny and Flint laughing at some shared joke—were they fuċkɨnġ each other? Harry wouldn't be exactly surprised if that was the case. Their own sėx life had been lacking. Ginny had accused him of being too rough during sėx and he couldn't find it in him to fuċk her any longer. The constant complaining had effectively nipped that dėsɨrė in the bud.
The horcrux had warned him. It had told him things from its place around his neck. Harry had thought it evil before, manipulative and wrong, but maybe he had been wrong. The horcrux had whispered vile things, seeing deep into his heart and registering his true feelings about Hermione before even he had admitted them to himself. It made him jealous of Ron and annoyed with Ginny's antics. It had told him he would lose her, and at first he thought the horcrux had meant Ginny, but now he realized he knew the whole time that it had not.
His jaw throbbed painfully when he chewed, a lingering effect of it being broken too many times. His whole body was always so wracked with pain, and he resented the fact that he'd have to endure this for the rest of his life, all because of some prophecy that had sprung up when he was a infant.
It was a dangerous shift in his line of thinking.
It was selfish for him to wish he hadn't been burdened with saving the wizarding world. Things were as they were supposed to be, people had moved on, the Ministry was in better hands, and he should be pleased despite the personal losses he'd sustained. It hadn't been a failure.
”Yes, let's do, Harry!” Ginny pulled him from his thoughts.
”Do what?” he asked irritably.
”Go to the cinema, of course.” Her eyes narrowed. ”With our friends.”
”Oh, I think I'll pass. I actually made plans tonight.”
”What plans?” She bȧrėly kept the smile she wore attached to her face. ”Plans with Malfoy, again ?”
Her expression suggested an affirmative answer would be an act of aggression in itself.
”Yes, actually. I was going to stop by his manor this evening.”
”Harry?” Her bȧrėly there smile was strained, the tips of her ears turning red. ”Can we speak privately?”
She hastily got up without looking to see if Harry would follow. His annoyance reaching new heights, he begrudgingly got up from his chair and followed after her, noticing the glances of pity he received from the occupants at the table.
When he hobbled up to her in the mostly vacant hall by the lavatories, he whirled on her. ”What is it, Ginny?”
”I just wanted to know what's gotten into you now. Can't you see you're making our friends uncomfortable?”
He scowled. ”I'm not trying to.”
”Well you are. It's you and this black cloud that's following you.”
Harry averted his eyes, too stubborn to admit that Ginny was probably right. He was hardly useful to anyone, and not very good company.
”I just don't get it, Harry.” She crossed her arms over her ċhėst. ”You always want to stay home or get hammered with Malfoy. And when you are alone with me, you're usually out of it from all the pain potions you take.” She paused to gain her breath, her eyes becoming more and more heated. ”I do everything around the house. I cook and I clean, and you just want to stare off into space all day.”
Irritation flared hotly in his ċhėst and he gestured to his stump. ”I suggested we get permanant help after the accident.”
”That's not the point!” Her ċhėst was rising and falling in shallow pants. ”We used to have fun and we never do anymore. I thought that surely by now we would have children, but it seems like you recoil anytime you brush against me. You blame everything on your accident, but Merlin - that was so long ago! I want someone around me that loves me, and it hardly seems like you do, it hardly seems like you want to even be here anymore.”
Perhaps she was right. But the solution was allowing him space, couldn't she see that? ”If you'd only let me make my own decision-”
”Why? So you and the ferret can pine after my brother's dead wife some more?”
He recoiled as if he'd been slapped. He may as well have. However trapped it made him feel, he could almost see the point of everything Ginny had to say, but when she'd said that. ”What did you say?” His expression turned dark and dangerous.
”You heard me,” she said with a snarl. ”Do you really think I never knew? Ron and I both knew, and discussed the matter frequently. But you chose someone else, and now you are still thinking about her, even when she is long gone. Everyone else has moved on, and it's time you did.”
”I can't just move on when my best friend has died,” he stressed, his ire peaked. ”Hermione was important to me, to us, and you guys act like she never existed.”
”She was just a girl, Harry, a regular girl we grew up with but like many others, died in the war.”
”You're not half the witch that she was,” he spat cruelly, failing to keep control of his rapidly splintering temper.
Ginny grinned as if she were the cat that got the cream. ”I knew you had feelings for her. How pathetic. I wish you would have saved us all trouble and just told her how you felt from the start. Look at you,” she motioned to his person, ”you're hardly a man anymore. The war has ruined you and now you are trying to bring me down with you.”