Book 1: Chapter 1 (1/2)

My name is Hakaru, and today is the day I died. It’s a tricky business, killing yourself. If you do it wrong, you have the embarrassment of living with the consequences. I’ve heard about people who tried to kill themselves with chemicals only to be paralyzed for the rest of their lives. That’s certainly something I didn’t want to happen to me. If I killed myself, I wanted it to be permanent.

I decided on the age-old tradition of hanging myself. It was good enough to be used for years as a form of execution. It doesn’t require anything particularly special other than a rope. Plus, there is such a thing called auto-erotic asphyxiation. While your choking yourself, it can create the ultimate sexual high, maybe I should try it once. Go out with a bang, as it were. I was scared of dying, but I wasn’t scared of sex, so if I framed it as an accidental death, perhaps I could feel a little more content in death, at least enough I wouldn’t turn into a wandering spirit.

If I’m going to die, I might as well die in style. Pulling my pants down, I pull out my favorite pornography. I put various pictures of naked girls all around me, I hang the rope up from a support beam that looks like it’s strong enough and will hold. I create a hangman’s knot and loop it over my neck. That’s when things started to get confusing. Do I jack it now? Or do I jack it while I’m hanging by the neck? Do I start first and kick the chair out from under me as I get to finishing?

“Well, it doesn’t matter, I suppose.”

In the modern world, being found dead in this compromising position would be incredibly embarrassing. Then again, that’s exactly why I’m doing it. I want to die in the most spectacularly embarrassing way possible. I want my sister, who is always cruel and hateful to me, to blush every time she thinks of my death. I want my mother, who drinks her life away on sake to cope with a no-good husband, to feel shame when she thinks that she raised a deviant like me. I want my father, who cheats on my mother every chance he gets, coming home at three in the morning smelling of cheap perfume and skank, to have to tell his coworkers, “yes, my son is the guy who died while jacking off.”

However, the person I want to embarrass the most is my girlfriend. The skank who cheated on me with my best friend. I want to see the look on her face when she is told that her former boyfriend is a sexual deviant. Would it hurt her pride just a little bit? Would it make her feel even an ounce of shame? I don’t know, but by that point, I suppose I’ll be dead so it won’t matter. They say that as you die, your life flashes before you. Upon kicking the chair out from under me, I didn’t see my life. Instead, I just saw the flashes of a single day. This day. The day that led up to my death.

I may have a cruel sister, a drunk mother, and a careless father, but that didn’t mean I was unhappy with my life. In fact, this morning, killing myself would have been the last thing on my mind. Then again, before, I didn’t know what I know now. I got ready for school as I always did. As I left my room, my only refuge from my miserable home life, I saw a guy walking out of my sister’s neighboring room.

“Sup, squirt.” The guy punched my shoulder as he walked by. “Got any lunch money?”

I cringed at my poor luck that I would leave at the same time as him. I had heard him going at it with my sister all last night while my mom was passed out on the couch. Usually, he slept in late, since he was a high school dropout two years my senior. However, I had grown used to assuming the position, and immediately pulled out my wallet, taking all the money I had in there and handing it to my sister’s most recent boytoy.

“Shit, this is it? What, why don’t your parents give you more allowance?” He growled as he took the thousand yen I gave him.

“You’d know best, you’re fucking my sister.” I sighed.

The punch across my face was completely expected. I threw myself in the opposite direction, going with the punch. I had long since grown skilled at this. Stumbling down and landing on the ground, it looked like a brutal hit, but I took little damage. I probably wouldn’t even have a bruise today.

“Hey, watch it, little shit.” The guy snorted, “Be lucky I’m fucking your sister, or I’d break your fucking legs.”

The guy left, opening a hall window and jumping out. This was all it took to elude my father, who was likely asleep after coming home from a night of fornication. I got back up when my sister’s fuck buddy dived out. I didn’t really know his name. They were usually a Chad or a Buck or some American sounding name. Many Japanese had adopted American names and lifestyles after the US annexation, and it seemed like those that did liked to bully the traditionalists.

However, as mean as he was, he was right about me being lucky. Most of the other bullies in town left me alone because of my sister. She had a tendency to date the baddest asses in town. It afforded me a bit of protection. He may steal my lunch money, but most of the worst would steer clear of me.

I pulled the second 1000-yen bill out of my sock that I had stashed away, and put it into the wallet. My allowance was 5000 yen a week, and if I partitioned it off this way, I could usually last the whole week without getting beat up. If I was really lucky, I was able to save some so that I could buy something I wanted, such as a gift for my girlfriend. However, that was exceptionally rare.

I headed off to the kitchen. I prepared a cup of tea and some tamagoyaki for mother. I placed them right down on the coffee table in front of the couch. As soon as I moved to leave, I heard a light moan.

Mom peaked out from her sheets, her eyes looking bloodshot. “No rice?”

“If you want rice, make it yourself.” I snorted. “I have to get to school.”

“Tsk… what good are you then?” Mom covered her head back up. “Go off to school. Leave me like your father. You two are exactly alike.”

I tensed for a second. “I’m nothing like him.”

“…” There was only silence from her sheet.

With that, I left my home. When I got to the curb, I found my bike. It was bent to shit, the wheel broken and crossbar snapped. I picked up a note lying on the bike. It was barely readable in the drunken scrawl of my father. He was cursing me for leaving my bike in the driveway. It looked like he had run my bike over when he came home last night. As to the position of my bike, it was clearly on the side of the driveway. I could even see the wheel marks where dad had swerved off the driveway to strike my bike.

The letter itself was full of cussing and derision. I crinkled it up and shoved it into my pocket. Today, I wasn’t going to be so easily upset. You see, today was my anniversary. My girlfriend and I would have been together for one full year now. After my previous girlfriend had cheated on me, it took a lot for me to open up again. However, Akiko had been very patient with me. For a year we had dated and I decided today I was going to tell her I loved her.

Instead of biking to school, I ended up walking. I barely managed to make it into homeroom as the bell rang. I was sweaty and gasping, but rather than collapse, I nearly fell over when I saw a beautiful woman standing in the middle of the room. Across from her was my best friend, Derek. My girlfriend was also nearby, watching them. My girlfriend was a Japanese beauty, a cute button nose, a small face with high cheekbones, long black hair, a small framed-body, and a nice butt. However, she paled in comparison to this foreigner. That didn’t matter to me, I quickly shook off my daze I moved up to her poking her side.

“What’s going on?” I whispered.

“Sh-sh-she’s… as-asking…” Akiko didn’t continue, but she didn’t have to.

“I’ve always admired you, will you be my boyfriend!” The beautiful girl bowed her head to Derek.

She had long, perfect legs, a great ass, and pert lips. Her hair was long, blonde and soft. Her eyes were a shockingly deep blue. She must be one of the Americans who migrated over to Japan. I wasn’t like some traditionalists that despised the foreign invasion, nor was Derek.

“Y-ye…” His eyes flashed to me and Akiko.

Akiko seemed to be wringing her hands, a strangely anxious look on her face. I couldn’t help but smile. She was always so concerned about other people. In particular, she seemed obsessed with Derek’s love life. She was always getting involved when he dated someone, or trying to set him up with a friend. Akiko wasn’t that good at it though. The people she suggested he dated were often ugly or had bad personalities. It was a running joke that she had bad tastes as a matchmaker.