Chapter 183: Never Again (1/2)

Leonel sat on a chair in the Lab Setting, staring out blankly into space.

In truth, in the beginning, even he wasn't fully aware of why he was feeling like this. It could even be said that Thunderous Clap and Roaring Black LIon understood before even he had. It could only be said that the objectivity of a third party was great.

He had come here with every intention of instantly getting to work, diving into training until he could barge his way out. But, instead of doing any of that, he found himself frozen in time.

After a long while, he finally understood the emotion he was feeling…

Shame.

He had made too many mistakes. Initially, he kept brushing them off as though they were nothing more than jokes. But it seemed that as time passed, the 'mistakes' he made continued to have more and more serious consequences. It came to the point where even though this most recent mistake of his had no real consequences yet, he simply couldn't put up with himself anymore.

What truly baffled him was that he wasn't immediately certain of how to fix this. Wasn't it only natural that someone as young and uninformed as him make so many mistakes?

But, the more Leonel thought about it, the more he felt that this excuse was exactly that… an excuse. In a world like this, who cared if he needed time to mature? Would the spider king's venom wait for him? Would the Force Crystal Core let him go on account of his youth? Would Simeon leave him be until he matured?

The answer to all of this was obviously no. No one owed him such a thing.

Compared to others, how much better was his starting position? Whether it was his talent, the treasures his father left for him, or the Lineage Factor his mother left for him… How many times luckier was he than another?

To this day, he still had no idea how well his teammates were doing. Did James fall out with them after being snubbed by him? What about Yuri? She was one of Aina's only two friends. How was she doing with them? Was she okay?

Compared to these people, wasn't he considered to be lucky?Was this what those psychologists deemed as survivor's guilt?

Maybe that was exactly what it was. Leonel felt undeserving. He made so many life altering mistakes, yet managed to survive every time by the skin of his teeth. Sometimes it might be due to his own wit, but how many more times had it just been luck?

Memories were constantly pulled up from the depths of Leonel's mind, each one striking a cord with him.

When he first exited the Mayan Tomb and Aina killed Conrad with a single strike. During their journey to the Fort, he had even had thoughts of being unwilling to live anymore.

How ridiculous had his actions been back then? He even went out and fought seven A-grade Invalids back to back. Maybe that had been under the guise of protecting his friends, but wasn't the truth that he was just seeking death?

How lucky had he been to survive that? Did he even deserve to survive that? His abilities back then couldn't even compare to the current him. A single A-grade threat was more than enough to threaten his life…

Then there was the time within the Joan of Arc Zone. Due to his own selfishness, he forced both him and Aina into a corner. Instead of waiting until both armies had whittled their strength down, he stupidly charged in.

Back then, without a word, Aina had still chosen to follow him. But, had he not found Joan's weakness at the last minute, wouldn't they have both died?