632 V2 ch104 (1/2)
Jeremy gulped, looking back at Dr. Moore with an expression I couldn't read. ”I'm trying to change, so why do I still feel this way? Am I going to be like this for the rest of my life? Every time I look at Jake, I-I-I..” He stuttered. He glanced at me shook and his head. ”This is why I don't like seeing therapists. It's better to keep these skeletons in the closet.”
Dr. Moore's smile didn't falter. ”Mr. Patterson. Jeremy. You don't really think that's the best way to treat any problem, do you? Just sweep it under the rug and pretend it's not there?” Dr. Moore shook his head. ”It's better to accept that what you did, what you feel guilty for, was wrong. And then...let it go.”
”Let it go??” Jeremy repeated.
”Yes. Move on.” Dr. Moore told him. ”Recognize your mistakes, and take steps to fix it. But also, let yourself off the hook. No one is perfect. Not you. Not me. Not Jake. We have made mistakes. And will continue to do so. It's part of human nature. It's what you do afterwards that defines your character.”
Jeremy looked to me.
”I like you more than before.” I told him.
That seemed to take all the hot air and anger out of him. He slumped in his seat, looking defeated.
”I think you're doing well.” Dr. Moore said. ”It's okay to be scared, worried, and stressed. Don't keep it bottled up though.” He tapped his notebook. ”It seems there are other things on your mind. Otherwise, why would you feel so pressured by this guilt?”
Jeremy sighed. ”Everyone knows.”
”Who is everyone and what do they know?”
”EVERYONE.” He emphasized. ”My friends, my teammates, my girlfriend, my fans, everyone knows that I...I didn't want to accept Jake.” He looked at me again. ”Sorry.”
I shrugged, not expecting this at all. ”It's okay. We're moving on, aren't we?”
”I feel like that too.” Jeremy agreed. ”But everyone else...they don't see it. They don't see me trying to make amends so I look like a bad guy. I feel like one too.”
”Have you had conversations with your friends and girlfriend? A personal conversation about your mistakes and how you're trying to change?” Dr. Moore asked.
Jeremy nodded, then started to waver. ”Well, some of them. The ones who know. My girlfriend, Rose, she was kept out of the loop, but then I brought her to meet my family. And...I just feel like things haven't been right since.”
”Ah. Rose is important to you?”
”Of course!”
”So the way she perceives you now, makes you feel even more guilty. We're making progress.”
”Just tell me what to do to fix all of this.” Jeremy demanded, sounding short-tempered again. ”Isn't that what therapists do?”
”I can't tell you what to do. I can help you clarify your feelings and thoughts, but you're the one who has to turn that into action.” Dr. Moore smiled. ”Are you still with this girlfriend? Are you still on speaking terms with those friends?”
Wow.
”Then you're better off than you thought. They're still around, they still have some semblance of trust in you. Sit down with them again. Explain yourself more clearly. The hurt you're feeling from their rejection as you try to become a better you.”
”I thought you couldn't tell me what to do?” Jeremy looked skeptical.