73 A Talk (2/2)

”You can't do that Dad.” Noah burst into the room, startling us and making Mr. Atkins stand upright. ”Jake can't miss practice!”

Mr. Atkins frowned and I was stunned. ”Noah you don't understand right now, but-”

”No. You don't understand.” Noah cut him off. ”If Jake misses any practice, then the other guys will be upset if he starts above them. Chris was already out for him today.”

”Noah. This isn't really negotiable.” Mr. Atkins sighed. ”This is for Jake's mental health. The state says he has to get counseling. We can only obey the law and get him the help he needs.”

”Jake is fine.” Noah looked my way. ”Tell him you're okay. You want to play baseball.”

I couldn't. Because I didn't really want to. What I wanted was to play with Noah. I wanted to hit the ball. I wanted them to want me. And. I didn't want to let them down.

I wasn't okay. Not at all. I was anxious a lot. About anything and everything. Mothers. Women who could be mothers. Aluminum bats. Anyone bigger than me. Anyone that was aggressive. I was scared Mr. Duncan could find my dad and brother. I was scared he couldn't find them. I was scared they would find me and blame me for making mom crazy. There were so many worries. I had so many questions. But I couldn't voice them out. I...felt like running.

I abruptly stood up. Then quickly bypassed Noah and moved down the hall. Unfortunately Kyle had just come up the stairs and we ran into each other. Okay, it was more of me running into his chest.

”Woah. You okay there kiddo?” Kyle caught me before I fell.

”Jake!” Noah was the first to come out of the room. Mr. Atkins wasn't far behind. ”Jake.” Noah sighed with relief when he saw Kyle holding me. ”I didn't mean to make you run, Jake. You can see the guy, I don't care. I'll just have to make the team understand.”

”Understand what?” Kyle asked in confusion. ”What's going on?”

”Jake is going to see a psychologist on Wednesday nights.” Zeke declared from his bedroom doorway, standing more firm than his own dad. He eyed me. ”Coach will understand. Just focus on you first.” He turned back into the room.

Mr. Atkins had a calm expression. ”See? Everything will work out. Eventually.”

Eventually. I didn't like that word. It was like a promise that may be kept, but not in the way you expected.