Chapter 35 - 35. Stronger than anyone.... (2/2)
But that day all his hopes shattered....he himself crushed his desires of a sweet life and closed his heart, building multiple walls around it.
...........
Now that he thinks....
Qin ZiXuan actually didn't hate her.
Well, she didn't deserve any of his feelings plus he knew that she was too weak.
He was still thankful for the 'illusional' love she gave him in those few years, at least he knew what love was, even though it was fake or more appropriately, misplaced, that is, it was not for him.
Still, he got to know about this feeling called love, everything should be experienced once, right?
If given a chance to choose a mother, he would still choose her;
1. He knew no one better at the job..
2. She was the reason he could meet Meilin, the only thing good about her was, she was the daughter of Qin Mo, so at least, he got his most prized possession after that many years of suffering...
In her death bed, she cried and asked for his forgiveness, she said that she was sorry but by then he didn't feel anything, there was nothing there in his eyes...He didn't feel sad, nor anger, he didn't feel remorse or contempt and nor did he feel sorry for her or wanted to forgive her.
Watching that pitiful picture she created, he only felt annoyance at her for being weak but for even that, he thought it was too much work and a hassle to show it in his eyes so, his eyes appeared blank like she was watching something dead...
When his mother saw those eyes, she cried even louder and probably due to guilt made the only right choice for him, after his birth.
She did a good deed before dying, which was to give his guardianship to his grandfather and not to his divorced husband.
Back then he has hardened his heart and vowed not to fall in love, it made you weak and pitiful.
He was sure he could live alone but it all changed when he found her, she broke the wall around him and took him to a beautiful world of companionship.
She showed him that when you loved the right person you will become strong, stronger than when you were alone.
He could never forgive his parents but after he fell in love with her, he could guess why his mother became like that, she was just too much in love but that didn't mean that he forgave her.
His mother was too weak, she was unable to fight for her love and that, she was a coward.
But his Meilin was different, she was a resolute and strong woman, far stronger than anyone he has come across, in this life.
Yes, Meilin was still not following her heart's desires and was a coward when it came to her feelings about him but her reasons and conditions were different; she was broken due to her past experiences and thought that she was not someone appropriate to recieve his love as, he should recieve the best and she was not the best, that she was flawed... but she didn't know that, he too, was hiding his flaws...his inner ugliness and that he was not even near the man what he made him out to be.
They had their own secrets and insecurities and he was sure that, once they resolved them, they will become stronger together.
Meilin was different from his mother in that she was a 'FIGHTER' , she will never be a damsel, who will wait for people to help her in everything and though Qin ZiXuan still wanted and hoped for her to rely on him, he was still proud of his love.
His love, who was strong, independent and was someone who could walk with him and not behind him...
She was someone who will never run away from reality and will face it no matter the hardships, she didn't believe in delusions and fantasies, she was the type to get everything with her own two hands.
Yes, Meilin was strong...
She was his everything, his love, his strength, his wish and his life line....if there is no Qin Meilin, there will be no Qin ZiXuan.