Chapter 9 - 9. ...such a cruel thing... (2/2)
She shook her head and let out a sigh as a thought flashed in her mind: 'Well, I prefer it stays like this forever but...', she knew it was not her say any more plus she felt guilty about the time when she was not with him, to take care of him.
'It was better like this, at least, for the time being, she would stay with him and could take care of him.', she thought to herself.
She put the blanket over him, covering his whole body except that beautiful face. Probably feeling the warmth, he lightly smiled and mumbled: ”Linlin~”
She was startled for a bit but when she noticed his stable breathing, she thought nothing of it. Him mumbling her name was nothing new, because to him she was probably like his guardian or maybe an elder sister-like presence?
Well, she too had protective instincts towards him, it was like that of a mother bear towards her cubs but she knew that some other feelings inside her, outweighed them.
She she sat on the floor beside him, watching her prince sleep with a soft smile playing on his kissable cherry lips. Her hand played magic through his soft hairs as she slowly caressed his head and played with his soft silky hairs. As she did so, he snuggled and mumbled incomprehensible things, showing a comfortable and serene expression.
She sat there watching him for a long time, she watched him as if, ingraining his face, the face of the man she has secretly loved and cared for, for the longest time, in her mind and body; watching him so blatantly, was something she knew she couldn't do in front of others or even in front of him because she didn't want him to know what she felt about him as she knew she will be unable to hide it. She knew she will hurt him because he would notice her desires, the burning gaze was anything but pure, she didn't want to betray him even if....even if she had to put on with her unrequited love for him, forever.
She had already left him once to stabilize her thoughts, it took her five long years to make sure that she didn't show it on her face and when she came back she was confident to hold it in together.
Well, even she knew, how impossible it was for her and when she came back her heart had made sure to make her know, how wrong she was! Just a look from him was able to make her mind go berserk, the long abstinence had just made her desires go stronger, she was already on the stage of breaking.
She was being stubborn, she knew he won't deny him for anything even if she asked him to love her back.... but she didn't want to force him, she didn't want him to know her dark sides and hate her.
She knew she shouldn't have come back but when she knew that he was shouldering such a huge responsibility she wanted to come and support him.....but deep down she knew that was just an excuse to white-wash her wish, who was she fooling? She knew, all this time, all she wanted was to be by his side forever, she didn't want to stay even a second away from him...
Love is such a cruel thing....
'Why him?' she had asked herself countless of times and the answer that came was always--
”No one but him....”