8 Lawrence and her (1/2)

I know she doesn't like showing any vulnerability. Ever since I saw her that day, I could see her fear and reluctance towards opening herself up. I knew it, but I didn't understand it until later.

I grew up in a fortunate way. I had two mothers, a younger brother and a father. My mothers wanted children so they got one of their best friends to help them. I remember asking him if he ever wanted to be with either of my mothers. He turned to me with this really cheeky smile and said no. I thought he might be in love with someone else so I asked if his lover was okay with it and he burst into laughter. He curled up slamming his hand on the ground and laughing. ”We made a deal. I help those two buffoons get children and they do the same for me.” My biological father was together with a man. I didn't think it was strange at all until later.

But one day, I went into town to drop off some candied fruit and I saw a girl. Her hazel eyes were marred by the sadness, anger and desperation she felt. I wasn't thinking about the consequences. At the time, I just saw something unpleasant that I didn't like so I decided to help.

I grabbed her wrist and ran away with her. We ran until we reached beyond the edge of town. I didn't recognize the area but it felt sad. She unravelled by hand from her wrist depriving it of any warmth. I looked up at her and got lost - lost in her beautiful dark eyes.

I saw confusion, relief, fear, and anger. ”You dumb boy! Didn't your parents ever tell you to stay away from strangers and mind your business!” Her eyes were a bit red towards the end. Why are her eyes red? Is she mad because of me? Why? She didn't look willing. ”You didn't want to go. My moms taught me to help those who need it. No one else was going to help you so I did.” Her mouth gaped and I smiled because of how silly this older girl looked. ”Your eyes are too pretty to be sad!”

Ahhh. She blushed so crazily I laughed out loud. She hit me on the head and said ”Little brat! I'm older than you! Show some respect!” I stopped laughing, bowed and asked if the princess would like to seek shelter where no one may find her. She stomped her foot and huffed for some reason. She followed me back to my house in the mountains. My moms thought that I was trying to marry her until later that day. I didn't know what they talked about until I knew later.

Marianna and I lived with Teacher until I turned 15. He didn't die from a disease or anything. He just died with a gentle smile. Teacher told us to go to his house in the marshes if he died, so we did. It was peaceful for an entire decade and by then I was head over heels for Marianna. It wasn't for a superficial reason like her physical beauty. She was afraid of her own vulnerability, but she protected others. Whether it was animals, plants or I, she wanted to protect. ”Lawrence, everything has a will. Everything is strong and weak. Humans decide which they want to be dominant. Animals choose which to show. There is nothing - NOTHING - in this world that is only one. Everything protects itself. Everyone protects themselves. This game called life is just incredibly imbalanced at times is all.”

One day, I was collecting food to make dinner for her while she went out to treat animals when a group of men ambushed me.

I wanted to die.

I wanted to live.

I wanted to kill.

I wanted to protect.