Chapter 47 Yousve Done It Again pt. 2 (1/2)
”Border?” I looked at the other men in the cart with me. Familiar faces, one and all.
”Yes. The border between life and death.” Answered the captured Stormcloak in his thick Nordic drawl. ”Too early for you, though. Not quite the time for that yet.” He glanced about. ”Odd environment. Why this?”
I ignored him.
”...Todd, you absolute mad lad.” My voice was tinged with admiration. ”Greatest prologue ever. Goddamn. Didn't see this shit coming at all.” I clapped my hands in praise.
”Look at him. He's delirious.” Lokir laughed. ”I wonder who he thinks we are?”
”I felt the man was somehow insulting me. So I replied, ”You're going to die by arrows while running away like a rat. Sovngarde has no place for cowards.”
”Coward!” He visibly shook with anger. ”You….bitch!”
”Don't like it? Do something about it you coward.”
”I'll butcher you.” He threatened. ”Grind your bones. Devour your flesh…”
”I'll give you to my dog and let you be his little fuck toy. Prepare thine cheeks for clapping. Coward.”
”You...fucking….punk.” He grit his teeth. ”Really haven't changed at all!”
Ralof raised a hand. ”Alright, enough. Let it go. It's been ages. Can't you get over it?”
”Get over it? He stole my wife!!”
I looked down at my arms and legs. They didn't look like mine. Way too swole. ”What the hell? A new game world and I'm still playing the dude who steals people's women? Son of a bitch.” I sighed. Oh well. ”But hey, if you got your wife stole then isn't that your fault? People always blame the women but don't ever stop to think maybe it's the men's fault too. I mean not EVERY girl is a thot. Maybe you're just a shitty lover, ever think of that? Or maybe you're an ass and she had enough of your shit.”
Ralof agreed. ”He has a point, you know.”
”See? Ralof gets it. Anyway, that wasn't me. Blame the last dude who had this body, yeah? Besides, we're all brothers and sisters in binds now, thief.”
”Thief?” His eyes narrowed murderously. ” Thief? You're calling ME the thief?!”
”A horse thief, to be exact.Now shut up. I wanna get this over with and enjoy myself. I have a whole bunch of slutty Skyrim mods of download.”
”Nine hells. He's insane.” Lokir shook his head. ”Can just send him back already? I don't want to look at this mama's boy anymore.”
”We have let this go on a bit long.” Ralof admitted. ”We shouldn't allow him linger too much or--”
I heard the flapping of wings above us. Like, what? Alduin's here already, is he? I looked up expecting to see a giant winged lizard about to spew fire at us. Sadly, though, there must've already been a couple mods installed because Alduin was NOT a scaled monstrosity but instead a very heroic-looking female. One with long, luxurious grey hair and sparkling golden eyes. Also, her wings were a pretty silver.
Alduin waifu mods are the best mods. I approve. The woman stopped and stared. Her eyes blazed with a possessive light. Yandere Alduin waifu?
”Okie?” Her voice was as clear and charming as a bell. It pierced through the distance and entered the ears as if she were speaking right beside you.
”Shit!” Lokir cursed. ”Send him back!”
I knew, of course, that I was dreaming. The lack of pain was a giveaway. I assumed that by the direction of the talk I would be waking up soon.
”She's trying to inform the others. Get her.” Ralof's face turned grim just as the woman made the choice to retreat. Why, I didn't know. Or care.
Lokir stood and flew into the sky in chase.
”Say, anyone have a knife?” I asked. ”Wait, I think I got it.” Thinking a bit, I summoned the image of a dagger. What appeared was the blue blade stolen from that cultist a while back.
”A claw fragment. Here?” Ralof furrowed his brows. ”Impossible. Have you recovered your abilities to that extent? The seal should still be working, how…?”
But I'm not going to listen to the ramblings of a dream construct. I've had weirder dreams so I didn't mind the weird setting.
I decided that if I'm going to go, I'm leaving that Lokir a present. Dream construct or not, he's too damn arrogant when talking to this Venerable self.
I chose to take a page from good old Alkibiades. With my own twist.
So I took off my pants as soon as I saw Lokir flying away.
”Hey, fucker! Catch!”
I hollered, throwing a certain something upwards with all my strength. He looked down in surprise and caught the object in his hands. He gave a disgusted look seconds later.
My severed cock was firmly grasped within his palm.
”In case your wife misses me!”
His face turned purple with rage.
And I was gone.
***
When Iwoke up Mother was peeling herself out of a boulder, her hair a mess and with clothes so torn up you could see the smooth porcelain skin of her waist, legs, and hips peeking out from underneath.
Not far from her was Father, Mary, Vera and Baz. They were surveying the area. Or the destruction of it.
Mother, on the other hand, was freaking out.”What,” She started off in a shout, ”The heck was that?! Did you just create a new Word?!” Her eyes were two round disks of complete and total astonishment.
I was still blinking away the dizziness from my head. ”Uh...no?”
”Liar. You did, didn't you? ” She coughed up some dust. ”That's amazing! Do it again.”
Father quickly raised his voice. ”Don't you dare!” He warned. ”I don't know what the hell kind of craziness you two were up to, but that last shockwave leveled what was left of our house!
”....My treasures…” I heard Vera sighing.
”My drugs!” I panicked. And then, as an afterthought, ”Was anyone hurt?”
”The staff weren't there and the workers were on break. So no. But my house…. ”
”What about my drugs?”
He kicked me. ”Go dig them up if you care about them so much! Our home is gone and all you can think about are your dang drugs?”