Chapter 43 Time To Make Some Magic (1/2)

So.

Apparently, prayer gives me a wing stiffy. I finally feel I got the life bombs under control, mostly, and now this.

Complaints about the unfairness of life aside, I've decided to call the phenomenon a wingy. Worst part? I could still hear the voices of the true believers ringing in my ears. Annoying! Am I going crazy? I'm going crazy, right? What's with all these voices, huh?

Look, I can't heal your aching knees. I can't cure your terminally ill daughter. I can't make that cute merchant's daughter like you back.

Everyone please just shut up. What the hell is going on? All the yammering is making my head hurt.

”Lord Solair!”

”Great God!”

”Bless us…!”

”Your Magnificence, I…”

”Please, Your HIighness, I beg you…”

”Master is the most beautiful.”

”Master is the most holy, as expected, how dare I smudge his pristine self with such wicked thoughts! As penance, ten sets of prayers before bed. Nn.”

What? Who said those last things? Evie, Minnie, was that you two? Charlotte was onto something back then, I really am turning into a mind reader. This is bad, gents. I can't be listening to people's prayers all the time.

Shit'll really drive me crazy, and I'm already coo-coo for Coco Puffs

I felt my wings burn. I wanted to bite them to death. They were glowing brighter and brighter as if they had a mind of their own. In all honesty, I was THIS close to calling Milly and hacking these things off.

Pluck off the feathers, mix 'em in buttermilk for a couple hours with some cajun spices. Fry 'em up in peanut oil.

Holy crap, the thought was glorious. Can I actually do that? I felt my mouth watering already.

While I was busy contemplating the best way to cook Angel wings the voices in my head grew deafeningly loud. Dammit, can't ya'll quiet down? I'm almost at foodgasm right now.

Ah, forget it. You forced my hand.

I wrinkled my nose and did my best to conjure a great ball of water to shut these new zealots up. Can't be praying if you're too busy surviving a tidal wave, eh? I didn't intend to kill 'em, but something had to be done.

I wasn't sure if it'd work but I thought it weird if I had to use my hands to summon water so i tried it without. And worked.

”Hahahahaha...take this!” I laughed evilly and sent the massive ball of water down upon their heads.

It suddenly occurred to me. Uh, with such a large body of water, wouldn't that they, like, really die? All that water falling on them at once, from such a high distance…

I quickly did a few calculations in my head. Based on the amount of water a ball that size would have….let's see…

….They'd be pancakes, wouldn't they? And even if not, they'd still have cracked bones--at best--after the water forces them against the buildings.

Alright. Nope. Bad news bears, bad news bears all over.

But it was already falling.

Hahaha...not good. Spread, spread damn you! Break! I watched anxiously as a massive Zepplin-sized body of water hurled towards the ground.

Normally the wind and shit would break it up, yes? People use similar methods to put out forest fires, don't they? But this damn thing ain't break up at all! It's literally a giant, round ball of watery death!

”Master, is...is that safe?”

”...” I started to sweat.

”Master?”

I said break, bastard! Come on! I willed it to dissolve. Pop. Why won't you pop? My good waterball, listen to your maker. Be a good boy and die for me!

Motherfucker!

I couldn't look. Then it happened.

A sudden wave of light, almost too fast to see. And it broke. The ball of water, large enough to block the moon, was chopped up and reduced to harmless drops of rain.

A few moments later several voices came through.

”My knees, they don't ache anymore! WIfey, all those positions we couldn't do before are options again! Benevolent God, you've saved my marriage, I'll think of you always!”

Don't you dare, asshole!

”Sweetie, your face! It's so rosy! Ah, your cough, it's gone! And the rash too! My baby is well again...O Great and kind God, thank you! You saved my precious daughter, we'll never forget what you've done!”

I could cure such illnesses? How potent are these drops? Wait, what'll happen next time I take a piss, then?

”I'll fill the whole basket and sell small bottles to the highest bidders. I'll be rolling in gold, then Esme and that old coot will gladly accept me! Oh, my love, just you wait! Ahahahaha! Great God, my eternal gratitude!”

Oi, aren't those two just gold diggers?! Aim higher, bro! Respect yourself a little.

”Fuck, my eyes! Shitty God!”

But not all were thankful.

Somehow a few drips became frozen, turning to hail.

Indeed, those that were hit cursed my na--

”Eh? W-What? I haven't been able to see out of this eye for ages! Dear Heavens, it...it's healed! Amazing! Still hurts though…Cunt.”

”Hm?! Young Master's waters...ah, how refreshing. Although his sweat would be better.” A very familiar-sounding voice came through that sounded a touch disappointed.

Vera, that's you. That's definitely you, right? What the heck, you're an olfactorphiliac too? I thought you were just a masochist.

Hold on.

I suddenly remembered something.

What happened to that messed up, sweaty shirt she took? Vera? My shirt, what did you do with my shirt?!

I shivered.

But ignoring that a moment, the light. I'd recognize it anywhere. And for the first time, I'm glad to see it.

I scanned all the rooftops but found nothing. However, I'm sure it was Kane. I dunno where he is, but damn, that was a great save!

”Master, that was amazing! You helped so many people, I can hear the cheers from all the way up here!”

Minerva was smiling brighter than the sun.

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As for Evie, she was also staring at me. But there was something quiet and disturbing about her look that was worrying.

Now that I think of it, Dolly also gave me the same feeling multiple times recently.

”Master's goodwill is a splendid thing to behold.” She whispered softly.

My mouth twitched. Look at these two! I had a whole damn thing planned. Now they're here looking at me with faces of blind believers and it's annoying! I was supposed to be ”humanizing” myself to them.

This was supposed to be a step forward, not back!

I nearly popped a blood vessel. That dang Vera, what kinda game is she playin' here? Sabotaging this big bro's date before it began, how despicable! What is this, huh? Jealousy? Just cause she's too young for my tastes, she's thinkin', ”If I can', no one can!”?

Well. That's totally fucking cute, now isn't it? I don't like the methods, but this at least shows SOME drive. It's good she fights for what she wants. Can't be mad at that. It ain't gonna work on me since she's, like, all but family. But still!

This is like Wyrm-chan and the Prince.

You go girl.

But I can't accept you ruining my date, so although I can't use the Devil's Left on a little masochist like you, rest assured I've got other ways of dealing with bad apples…

No, no, calm down. Vera's a good girl, after all, deep down. The best girl. What's more, she seems like the self-sacrificing type. Now, why would that kinda character be sabotaging dates? Don't make a lick of sense, I tell you h'what.

Hmmmm….

Maybe...Maybe she didn't mean to sabotage?

Ah.

Okay.

So she was tryna be a wing woman then. We had the same goal! That's, like, kinda pissin' me off.

She can't just help me get with another girl. Stupid chick. If this was an anime, I'd wanna smack her.

Why's she tryna NTR herself? That's basically what she's doing, ain't it? The gIrl's tastes are heavy indeed!

And the guilt, it hurts. I can't enjoy a date if I got Vee over my shoulder trying to help out. She's got feelings for me. I can't let her cuck herself like that, it's too painful to watch.

What happened to Jake? Don't tell me that guy can't woo one little girl? What a useless waste of my time, dammit.

Vera's way better than that fiance of his.

Not that I've ever met her personally, but I believe no matter how good she is she still can't compete with our house's Vee.

...Oh shut it. So what if he's engaged? Don't mean shit. I got a sixth sense for these things, he and Vee would make a WAY better couple.

I thought that even if she did somehow see me leave she'd just get a little sad. And then Jake, ever the good white knight with a savior complex, would comfort her.

Sparks fly and boom. Instant couple.

'Course that was just one of the outcomes I imagined. The plan was originally for them to fall in love slowly.

I didn't expect the girl to drag him along on some weird plan of her's.

Even if you saw someone you liked sneak out with someone else, you'd mope, right? You wouldn't follow and try helping them get together. That's insane.

WHY DOES SHE HAVE TO BE SO DAMN GOOD?!

Not to mention it blew up in both our faces. Her plan failed, my date ended prematurely. And now Min's way deeper into the cultist mindset. Oh and let's not forget that I nearly killed dozens of people. Though maybe they shouldn't be yapping so loud. So they deserved it?

Except for the kid with whatever illness she had. I'd feel bad for her. Though the argument CAN be made she'd have a better next life.

Hell, I was a NEET and even I became a Noble. Karma my ass, right?

I looked at Minnie.

My sigh slipped past my nostrils. Man, my date lasted all of five minutes. I'm starting to think i should switch targets.

Maybe MInnie's a lost cause as a waifu.

No! I can't just give up so easily. Let's keep at it. Whether it was this one or my last one, my mama didn't raise no quitter.

But the date IS ruined. Mood is just gone.

Fuck it, let's go back and join the feast. I'm gonna drink my weight in liquor and then we'll have ourselves a proper hunt.

***

Three weeks later.

The Cracked Plains region of the Dry Lands.

Legends say this was once an ocean but now there was little except the sad remains of those who traveled the unforgiving land unprepared.

”You're going to tell me everything I want to know.”

All around me were buildings lit with fire. The bodies of dead Aeil clogged the nostrils with the unique odor of burning hair and cooking flesh.

I'd attacked their mounts first to make sure that none escaped. It was my standard strategy. We moved either at night or with the rising sun at our back. My special concoction from a misspent youth was the next step. They threw up uncontrollably and died honorlessly when the arrows took their knees, and later, our blades their heads.

Some Aeil were especially tough in body and arrows didn't quite cut it either due to their agility or skin. So we subdued them in a way they couldn't fight, by noxious gasses.

And if they somehow got past that their rides would be long dead, trapping them. None would escape the slaughter.

Of course I kept some alive, for a while. Had to gather intel, yeah? And that's exactly what I was doing now.

The man stood in the destruction of his camp. Watching me with a bone-deep hatred and disdain.

He spat in my face, ”I'll die first.” A sneer.

And this was my favorite part. The resistance. The defiance.

It made me all kinds of warm and fuzzy. I smiled. It wasn't nice. ”No.” I replied. ”You won't. You'll live. You'll live a long, long time. And beg for death every second of it.”

The man before me was middle-aged. He bore the normal characteristics of an Aeil with lavender locks and golden skin. He killed five of my men by the time I got to him. Some of the camp occupants were inside a cave their base was built around, a similar but smaller structure to my own base of operations. They escaped the initial attacks and rushed out crazily.

I took note of the cave from the and assumed their leader would be inside. Turns out I was right. I found that it was easy to tell who was higher in rank among these Evil God cultists. They were mainly Aeil and those who led their own groups had a strange circular tattoo at the back of their necks.

These past two weeks we found no less than three groups, including this. They were hidden well, but close to each other. Only a few days between each.

Of the three leaders I'd fought, this guy was the most troublesome. He was stronger than your average Aeil warrior. He was a cut above the ones I played around with when saving Charlotte.

His every move was full of an animal-like ferocity and he was much swifter than any Aeil I'd encountered so far.

It was a real bitch trying to hit him. Guy nearly had a sword to my gut several times. But then I got annoyed and let loose a stream of water from my finger which caught him by surprise. Although he recovered quickly as a seasoned warrior the second of delay was more than enough for me to hit him with my monstrously large Big D.

Knocked him out cold. Thine cheeks were clapped.

I only wished Patches were here so I could threaten the guy with anal r*pe. Makes everyone sweat bullets when they saw the size of Patches' schlong they got this sickly, pasty white to their faces that showed they were close to breaking.

I seem to remember this one servant from some Noble's party who literally pissed himself after the threat was made. Fun times.

Anyway--

”Nope, this fuck is dead.”Someone said, putting a spear through the man's heart.

Lucy popped up from behind and plucked out the weapon. He quickly switched to an axe.

Lucy used a decapitation. The Aeil's head was sliced clean through to the extent of not even falling off his shoulders. Lucy then roundhouse kicked the head a clear thirty feet.

”Teach them to have ideas about this King's little sis.” He took his axe, a gaudy thing with gold inlay and several glimmering gems along the haft, and put it over his shoulder with a self-satisfied smirk. It wasn't the one he wanted but instead was one given by Bubbles after she started rummaging around the city treasure room.

I watched his prideful pose and wanted to explode. ”Motherfucker, again?! This is the third time, asshole! We need to keep some alive to interrogate! I told you already, didn't I?! Stop killing everyone! Wait till AFTER I'm done. You're making the job harder than it has to be. We might've known about several more cultist hotspots if you didn't keep waving that ugly thing around.”

The King showed no sign of apology. He thrust his chin forward stubbornly. ”Mess with my imouto get a spear through the kokoro.”

...Alright, I admit, I liked that sentence.

I rolled my eyes at him. ”Whatever, guess we have been doing alright.”

It was mainly due to Bubbles giving us a nice lead. She'd provided information on one of the city's merchants suspected of having dealings with the Aeil's extremist faction. Due to the City of Ko being one of the few places where there actually existed a justice system, the lack of evidence meant he couldn't be convicted so long as he stayed within its walls. He was protected by the laws in place and never left.

Not that I gave a damn about that.

Bubbles said she didn't know the extent of the crimes being committed by the extremists before witnessing the Charlotte event.It wasn't something she looked into. She'd been busy trying to keep the water flowing.

Now that she understood just how dangerous the group was she decided to have a heavier hand in the matter. But a full investigation would take time and she didn't like that.

And that, lads, is where i come in.

She was a public figure and sort of didn't feel it'd be good to get too involved right now when there wasn't any evidence to warrant an arrest. Not to mention he had other merchant friends who were important in helping to keep the City of Ko up and running. Plus, like I said, a proper investigation would take a while.

So she said, ”You know, as an unaffiliated third party if you used those excellent kidnapping skills of yours and brought him out of the city for some questioning… ”

Basically, as long as it didn't implicate her I was told to do as I please. Which I did. Happily.

No one apart from the representatives knew about me being there.Even if someone somehow discovered me under my hooded figure, well, at the least, they wouldn't recognize my face. I was just some random Joe without the Solair armor.