Chapter 24 No One Ever Expects.... (1/2)

Author: So one of our readers, a man of overflowing culture by the name of Nepuko, Senior Nepuko, has created a discord for this novel! Pelt him with cupcakes and cookies, mine friends, dude deserves 'em.

Here's the invite:

Go wild. Spam to your hearts content. Share your sexy slime girl pics. (Nepuko's request, not mine. *Looks away* )

Onto the chapter

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”Ah, the Dry Lands. A gods-forsaken hell on earth the equal of you're unlikely to find now or in the future. Love the place.”

Harrislaughed uproariously. A tall, slightly pudgy individual who smiled too much, stank of ale and cheated at every card game we had since our meeting.

The man was one in a number of merchants running supplies to a large city, the only large city, in the Dry Lands who was kind enough to let us travel with them--for fee, of course. They were pretty good bros.

Bastards cost an arm and a leg though, so fuck 'em.

Me, Minnie, Evie, Dolly, Vera and Baz sat in a comfy caravan the size of a small building

Sadly Charlotte had to stay behind and continue her training. Her last words were, ”Papa, don't go! You promised you wouldn't leave me, you promised! Papa! *Hic* Papa!”

That's totally what she said, word for word. Believe it.

Oh. But Arbok was here, by the way.

I brought him, too, when I left home.

Currently he was lounging on a blanket next to Baz. Who was rubbing his head and feeding him rats. Spoiled little shit. Heh.

Meanwhile he guards at either side of the caravan were sweating bullets, and not because of the heat. Arbok had kept looking at them, then at me, his eyes saying, ”Dinner?”

To which I audibly replied, ”They'd be pretty tough... you sure?” Which nearly made the battle-hardened warrior piss themselves.

It wasn't surprising. Arbok, like Patches, was a fine specimen. Having grown considerably since his capture, the lovable little guy was now large enough to completely cover a fully grown man and crush his bones into fine powder.

CONGRATULATIONS! Your Sneaky Snek evolved into...Danger Noodle!

As for Patches, he followed behind. His army of subordinates made the others traveling with us rather nervous.

What about water, you ask? Well they can actually go without for a while. It's food that they really need but they hunt during the night so the've been pretty good on that front.

Also for the past three weeks since we left I've been exploding almost every other day--that artifact was shit. Thanks for nothing, Kane--and in addition to flowers, water would now rise from the ground too and fill within the hour.

Only since we entered the desert though.

So they've been drinking that.

That aside, Harris, unlike the other merchants, welcomed the small army of wolves. It was free added protection, after all.

”Have you been here before, Young Master?” The man asked, chugging down a bottle of wine.

Now see, I could act like a normal pleb. But Dolly and Vee? Total bluebloods.

Couldn't hide who we were, really, so I decided not to. Actually why would I anyway? Things came a lot easier and simpler to people with status, can't deny.

It was expecially easy being recognized too since Harris had coincidentally been there at that tournament from way back when.

Needless to say, I made an impression on the bloke. Really liked my ”flair” apparently.

”Once, with my father.” I nodded. ”Not the city though. Just one of the clans.”

The Aeil were mainly a nomdic people, or at least the small clans were. The larger ones centered themselves around areas with a water supply, which were few and far between in this wasteland they called home.

Everyone else moved around a lot. Kinda had to. You could only last a few months at one place at a time or you'd attract too much attention from the surrounding beasties. Smaller groups had little chance against the big eaters that's come looking for an appetizer.

The sandstorms were no joke either.

I even heard there's an area of the Dry Lands that'd once been hit by some sorta weird lightning storm for weeks on end.

It turned the sand into glass and now the sandstorms there were deadly to anyone unlucky enough to be caught inside.

”Indeed? Well, that's your luck. I've had to come here every month this past year and the blasted sun hasn't taken kindly to me at all. The spiteful bitch is determined to burn the fat off my bone.” Harris fanned himself. ”Alright let's stop and set up camp.” He yelled out, causing a chain of shouts as the men to the far forward and backwards were infomed.

He wasn't the highest ranking merchant but he was the one leading the way. He was the most familiar with the route, apparently.

The man turned his eyes toward me. ” Another game, Young Master?”

”Why not?” I yawned. It was evening but there was little to do except eat, drink and play games. Which grew boring fast, but it was something. Maybe I should start writing again, I hadn't in a while.

As Harris set up the board I noticed Evie eying the set curiously.

All this time both she and Minnie had their eyes downcast, barely talking at all.

Now was the only time since we met the traveling merchant that either of them expressed real interest in something.

Harris also noticed her stares.

I saw him frown.

He waved a hand at one of the armed men near us, spoke a few quick words in a language I didn't understand, and pointed.

The brawny warrior silently approached and raised a hand.

”Either tell your guy to step the fuck away or I'm cutting off his hand and feeding it to you.”

This was why!

The two were being considerate!

I didn't even think that Harrismight be one of those people who believed in strict social classes.

By the way they acted he must've viewed them as low-class servants or something.

Like, I dressed them well enough. But given how quiet and docile they've been...

Still.

How dare this fucker. Harry, dude, you've lost all your bownie points just now.

He smiled jovially. ”Oh? The Young Master is generous towards his servants, I see. Very well, since you don't mind it I won't either.” Another short string of words. The man returned to his original position. ”There. All's good, isn't it?”

I ignored him.

”Wanna learn how to play?” I asked, refering to Evie.

She hesitated.

”It's easy, you know. I'm sure you'll get a hang of it fast.”

The girl's eyes shone. ”Is it...okay?”

”'Course. C'mere.” I gestured.

Harris raised a brow but said nothing.

***

”...No, anything times zero will always be zero. Why? Because for the last question there were two sets of five apples in each basket, see, so the answer was ten. And it's not asking about the baskets, only the apples, but there aren't any apples. So, zero. Get it? No matter how many baskets you have it's useless if you don't got any apples to go with them. And if they weren't exact sets then it'd just be adding. Got it now? Okay, great. Let's move onto our verbs and nouns... ”

Wearing a pair of reading glasses i didn't need, decked out in a grey vest and white dress shirt, I took out my gold pocketwatch--sneakily borrowed from one of the other merchants, because how else would I find a nice accessory to go with my dandy little suit out here in Satan's asscrack?-- to check the hour.

It was just a little past 4:15.

I glanced over at Minnie. The young woman was hard at work trying to solve an equation I'd created. Her brows were all scrunched up in concentration and her tongue would stick out from time to time.

She wore a black choli top that exposed a long, sexy waist coupled with a hooded purple shawl. Along the top's cut hung gold beads that fell just short of--and drew attention to--a cute little navel.

Her pantaloons were also purple and of the chalwar* style, light and billowy and somewhat transparent. It clung to her hips enticingly.

She could've been mistaken as belly dancer, or a member of some King's harem. Which was the entire point, really.

the outfit said, ”Child support is only 18 years.” Or even, ”Life is short, have an affair!” Both of which I'd give serious thought towards.

And guess which genius was responsible for this feast of the eyes. That's right. This guy.

I walked by and gazed over her shoulder.

Using the horse whip confiscated from Vera the night before--seriously, what did she think she was gonna do, huh? Actually, how many of them did she even have?! This is the third in as many weeks... --I placed the tip under her chin and made her look up at me.

”Just what do you think you're doing?” My voice was cold and unforgiving. ”Don't tell me you've forgotten about PEMDAS already.”

The woman averted her eyes. ”Sorry, Master.” Was all she managed.

”Oh, Minnie.” I tsked. ” What a disappointment.” A shake of the head.

”I'm really sorry.” She repeated.

I noticed another little habit of her's--She bit her bottom lip when nervous, along with the hair tugging.

”I suppose special lessons are in order now, aren't they?”

Guilt flashed brightly. ”No, Master, you needn't trouble youself! I'll get it right on the next one, I swear!”

....Please don't.

”What?”

Shit, did I say that out loud?

As I was about to make up an explanation there came a sudden knock on the door.

” Young Master!” Harris barged in. ”Please tell me you didn't actually kick Assisant Branch Head Kang out of his own caravan.”

The man was out of breath.

”Kang?...Ah” I remembered. Angry pompadour dude. ”Well I needed a quiet place and he was being stubborn.” I splayed my hands. ”He made me do it, didn't have a choice.”

”Need it for what? Wait...” He gave Minnie and Evie a cursory glance. ”Young Master, you can't be attempting to educate the help, right?”

”You guessed it.”

”But that's...that's ridiculous. They're low-born!” He seemed utterly dumbfounded.

Hahaha. The irony of that statement. First, they're Royalty. Second, he's a merchant. Not exactly a high-born himself.

Not that either mattered.

”Go back far enough in history and everyone used to be pig farmers or sheep herders.” I countered.

”Bullshit.” He scoffed. ”There're many bloodlines which go back nearly a thousand years.”

This guy's a bit slow, ain't he?

”Bit stupid, aren't you?” Oops, I said it.

”I resent that.”

”Feel free to, buddy, not like I care. Anyway, what I do with my followers isn't any of your business.”

”You harrassed an important member of my entourage just so you can teach a couple of servants how to write their names. That makes it my business.” He smiled. His thumb was rubbing against his other fingers in the universal sign of Gimme.

I see what he was doin'.

What an oily bastard....I can respect that.

But I couldn't make deals like this with these two watching.

”You'll find it a business not very profitable then.”