Chapter 13 Saint-Hero Damien, Angel Extraordinaire (1/2)

”BURN THE HERETICS~!”

”WASH AWAY THE STINK OF THE NON-BELIEVERS!”

Loud, thunderous roars echoed across the battlefield while our enemies burned at the stake.

In the distance the opening song to Boku No Pico tormented those still yet unpunished. My righteous warriors, brave and mighty every single one, tea bagged the corpses of their slain foes.

They were dying in the worst ways imaginable, mocked from start to finish, cursed with eternal damnation for their sins.

And high above them all, standing proudly atop a golden chariot bathed in blood and fire, was I. Cackling madly, enjoying their sweet and pitiful--

”Ah, she's waking up.”

The realization woke me from my daydreams. I blinked, clearing the seductive thoughts from my mind. The Templar in me still raged, however, howling to be let free. I could only rein him in for now. And I did, but only barely.

”Soon, brother” I promised him.”...Soon....”

That aside

”Take it easy. Don't get up yet.” I told her.

The little girl looked around the room calmly until she heard my voice. She must've still been a bit dazed because she didn't show any panic at all at being in a strange place with someone she didn't know.

”I sent Minvera to pick up the food I ordered, she'll be up in a bit so you don't have to worry.”

I dropped the name of someone she was familiar with so she might relax a little.

”...”

”I noticed you had some bandages on. Mind telling me why? It's a sin for a kid as lovely as you to hide it like that, you know. Unless you've met a few perverts in the past. Then I guess it's just smart.”

The silence was deafening.

”They were pretty damn filthy. Got you some new ones.” I held up a long stretch of pure white cloth.”You want help putting them on or what?”

Listen kid, I like you well enough. But please stop with the glare. You're digging holes in my head, okay?

I saw her look down. Touch her cheeks. Then look up again. And the staring resumed.

”You aren't affected?” She asked strangely.

I wasn't quite sure what she meant, but I could guess. ”I'm not a lolicon.”

”I remember you.” She ignored what I'd just said. ”You helped Min.”

”Min? Oh. Minnie? I mean, Minerva? Yeah, I did. Didn't think you were conscious enough for that. You're a tough cookie, ain't ya?”

I was ignored yet again. ”You don't dislike her?”

”I can't believe you just said that to me. Why the heck would I? I happen to like her a lot, thank you very much. Hmph!”

Her nose wrinkled cutely.”You're weird.”

”Says the one with a mummy fetish. ”

”What's that?”

”Ask Minnie later.” I stilled, feeling a sense of deja vu. ”You remind me of my sister.”

Or so it seemed right now, which made the girl more endearing to me.

”Very weird.” She muttered. ”Angels sure are strange.”

I thought I'd heard wrong. ”I'm sorry. What was that then?”

”Angel.” She repeated patiently. ”That's what you are, right? Only an Angel would be so nice to people like us and not be affected by my curse.”

Curse?

...Nope. Don't get it.

Wait. Did she mean her cuteness?

Well if she DID meet a few perverts in the past and they had to cover her up to protect her then I guess she would have that sort of misunderstanding about herself. It's possible.

Pretty sad. Little girls shouldn't have to think they were cursed or anything like that. We're going to have to fix that in the future.

”Hold on just a minute there.” I held up a hand. ” How do you know of my God's Right?” Such a thing was kept top secret, who leaked that info to a little girl like this? Was it Mother? It was Mother, right?

I told her I couldn't be taking on clients anymore, dammit! Did the kid overhear it from that bitch from before? Huh? That was it, wasn't it?

My thoughts grew quite irrational.

”Wait. I mean. No. Preposterous. Listen kind, I'm most certainly--”

”So you're awake, Evie? Great! What's all this about an Angel though? Did I hear right?” Just then Minerva walked in with two platters of food. The young woman's aura was so vibrant and cheerful it lit up the entire room.

I forgot what I was about to say. I found myself admiring her.

....All I had to do was fill her out a bit more and she'd look great in a wedding dress....

The little girl pointed my way while I was distracted.

”Is he not one?”

The question stunned the other party.

”What? Angel? Evie, don't be ridiculous. Angels don't exist for people like us.”

That sentence was literally the saddest thing I've ever heard in both my lives!

”Min is a good person and has worked hard for both our sakes.” Evie replied. ”Look at how pretty he is. Only Angels can be that good looking and kind to people like us.” What was with that logic?! ” He is an Angel sent for Min, to help you. Must be.” She insisted.

”No, no, like I said...” A pause. ”Although it is true he does seem different from other people...and he doesn't recoil in disgust at the sight of me...plus he really is calm even in front of you...” She trailed off. ”No way, are you really an Angel?”

I, Damien Claybrook, supposed Demon-King reincarnate (though I'm seriously not, okay?) and a man known far and wide as the Purple-eyed Devil, am currently being called an Angel.

And now they were both staring.

It was painful.Like, really painful.

Don't look at me with such pure, hopeful eyes, dammit!

”Yes.”

I guess I'm an Angel now.

....So.

Purge?

***

”It's amazing you're able to move about so easily right now.” I commented.

Evie was fully clothed, her head wrapped in bandaged once again, warm and snug as can be. She said nothing in response to my words and simply continued to sip spoonfulls of hot soup.

”It's pretty weird. It shouldn't have such a great effect.” I continued. ” Your natural healing ability must be pretty good to begin with.”

”...”

”You were so talkative a while ago.” I lamented. ”What happened to that?”

”I'm sorry.” She said. ”I won't be a burden so please pay me no mind.”

And she went silent once more.

It was frustrating but considering the tough life she had to have went through I couldn't blame her for being a bit of an introvert.She didn't look to smile often and her tone was lukewarm too.

Personally I also thought it was a bit cute. She felt like a kuudere type of loli. You really wanted to just pick her up and give her a big 'ol squeeze.

Still.

”When did I say anything about you being a burden?”

”Master Angel.” Minnie quickly changed the topic. I couldn't help but cringe.

Please stop with that form of address. Really.

”Forgive my boldness but might I know what House you hail from?”

So apparently they thought I was an Angel born into the mortal world who'd been sent to aid them in their hour of need.

Also thanks to my purge talks earlier, Minnie assumed I was not just an Angel but, more specifically, a warrior Angel here to smite the wicked and guide the world back onto a proper path. And they were to be my attendants while I did so.

...Holy fuck the pressure was real!

I didn't have a problem with smiting the wicked, but how the hell am I supposed to make the world better?! I'm not a Saint! That's the Heroine's role, alright?! She's the one with that job, not me! The Hero too, he's the one who's supposed to smite the evil Demon King!

But the Heroine won't be recognized as the Saintess until late-game when church officials take notice of her and realize her high affinity for healing magic. A type of special power so rare you're more likely to find a unicorn horn laying on the side of the road.

Sadly without an official Saint already in office these two have pushed that title onto me!

I haven't even met the girl yet and I'm starting to dislike her more and more!

Not only that, but also the Hero's role has now somehow become mine too!

The Hero has to be, like, twelve right now or something! He's probably out there right now helping his dad sell weapons to mercenaries or fixing horseshoes or some shit!

That rat bastard is laying on his ass and making me take over his workload! Fuck, I hate him already!

Again, I have no problems with smiting. But like, that's only for the ones who really need a good smiting, you hear me?

What Demon King? That pansy isn't even at the level of a grade-school bully in my eyes. The truly evil and malevolent are those who have forsaken the Furry-Eared Ones!

I'm not tryna take on any other work than that.

”You'll see.” I yawned. I took out a small ball from the brown bag that held my baked treats. ”Evie, open your mouth.”

”...” Yeah.Definitely a pretty quiet girl. She was also very obedient, however. She really is just like Dolly! They'll get along splendidly, I felt.

Without further adieu I shoved that small ball past her lips

The way her normally dully eyes sparkled was so precious I wanted to take a picture, blow it up and hang it on a wall.

”Good?”

A nod.

”More?”

”Master, you'll spoil her.”

Then let me spoil her! What's it to ya, huh?!

And I wasn't fooled at all. Who is it who'd been all but drooling the moment I'd come back with the bag of goodies in the first place?

So I just popped one into her mouth too with perfect timing. One moment she was in the middle of a sentence, the next she was scarfing down a cinnamon and sugar covered ball of goodness.

”I...This....Oh my gods...” She melted. ”I used to see Lord Barnabus eat them all the time, but I never imagined they'd be so...so...wow...” That's a good way to describe it, honestly. ”Master, what are they called, if you don't mind me asking?”

”Cinnabon Delights.” I looked away.

I recalled the former chef we had back at the Estate who quit and made a fortune off one of ”my” recipes.

That weasel. See, that's why I chose Phil's dad to be the lead guy when I decided to open up a new chain of restaurants. At least he was loyal.

Why did I do that? Well dammit I need good food and restaurants make good money!

I won't even mention how much the family makes after I gave father and his merchant friend the ”Shopping Mall” idea.

We had in-door plumbing and toilet paper but no one thought about something as simple as a shopping center.

I felt like if this really was treated as a real world then the concept would be brought to life eventually. What was wrong with being ahead?

I know I said I was too lazy to change shit. But rather than lazy, it's more a quality of life kind of thing?

I should talk to Father about convenience stores next.

I wonder if magic can make internet here a possibility too...

Ugh. Nah. Too much work.

”Truly a fitting name. They're amazing. I've never had something so delicious!” Minerva sighed contentedly.

”Your last Master had to have been paying you, right? Did you never think about buying any?” They were really popular among Nobles these days.

”He did. But he didn't like to see us 'waste his hard-earned money on useless luxuries'” Minnie explained.”Also none of the bakeries would let me in. My hood fell off once when I snuck away and tried getting some for Evie so they chased me out. After that the other local bakers were told what I looked like and I couldn't try again.”

”Right, right.”

I started sharpening my knife.

It seems I'm going to be needing a broadsword soon.

I thought up a new game.

Sinners and Templars. How many can YOU decapitate?

The answer is all of them.

”Oh. But Lord Barnabus did enjoy them himself. He especially liked to eat them in front of us.” She went on.” I remember once that I accidentally looked up at one of his guests and he had me go without food for two days. He had me stand by as he had roasted duck for dinner on the last day, then allowed me to chew on the bones and nibble the last piece of honeyed bread he dropped on the floor. They tasted quite nice, but this is so much better! I understand why he and his family had them so often.”

Minnie had no idea she'd just made a kid fatherless. Because Imma kill the son of a bitch.

Seriously. if I ever see that guy again, he's dead.

With what I'm sure were watery eyes I started shoving even more pastries into their mouths. ”You guys can have as many as you want from now on!”

I was having a blast watching them eat.

But the two refused my offerings.

”Evie, open up!” I ordered.

She stubbornly kept her mouth shut.

”Why?!”

”...”

I tried Minnie and got the same result.

”She's right.” Minerva caught the pastry and gently laid it down. ”We can't take advantage of Master's kindness. We have not yet done anything to deserve your rewards.”

”I won't be a burden.” Evie added, repeating the words for the second time. ”I'll work hard.”

These two were such good girls!

But no, stop it, okay? Let me spoil you...