Chapter 2 Engagement? (1/2)
”Look, a milf!”
”Where?!”
Suddenly a handful of dust hit me square in the face. I was then promptly knocked on my back and forced to stare up at the sky, my eyes teary from the dirt.
I groaned but still glanced at the direction father had pointed at through blurred vision.
I found only bitter disappointment(?)
From twenty feet away was no one else but my mother, looking quite lickable in nothing but a green bra and panties.
(Shut up, it was a figure of speech, a figure of speech I say!)
She was laying on a foldable reclining lounge chair, clearly in the middle of a sunbath.
A pleasant laugh floated into my ears.
She grinned at me and stretched like a cheshire cat, back arched enticingly, letting out a small moan of contentment before clearly saying,”You were expecting a busty cat-girl, but it was me, mama!”
This woman...Don't just go recreacting another world's memes like it's nothing! Who even told you those words, who?!
My left eye twitched.
”You too, who taught you that word? Do you even know what it means, huh?”
Father snorted. ”I can imagine.” He rubbed his chin with a wide smile. ” What? You think I don't hear you muttering that each time a pretty chick and her kid passes by? You think I don't understand my son's fetishes? You think I don't understand my own? No, how could I NOT have understood you, son? To even come up with such a great acronym takes a level of passion which demands recognition. Yes, I admit that much. Yet to think you believed yourself the only one able to comprehend the meaning of such a glorious word...”The man shookhis head is derision. ”Too naive. You weren't even a twinkle in my eye when I was teasing young widows and comforting lonely housewives!” He boasted, chuckling with untamed vigor.
So, father, I thought. Even in this world people know the charms of a milf. However....
I couldn't forgive a person using them in vain. ”You lied to me...?! ” I trembled. ”What gall!” Righteous indignation coursed through my veins like molten lava. ”Fool. You using them in such an underhanded way shows your lack of respect and dedication! It's obvious you know nothing of the sacredness of milfs! You should just go ahead and change your name to Jon Snow! You presume yourself to be a man of culture, but to use the good title of milf to gain an advantage over your fellow comrade in arms...How utterly despicable! How disgustingly blasphemous! What's more you even involved mother in your dastardly plot! I can get past you pointing out a milf already claimed, but the act of using one simply to win a duel...this sort of pettiness...Bastard, you actually dare!” I roared, turning my feelings of disappointment(?*2) into rage.
My speech left the man stunned. ” Um, yeah, hold on a minute there son. No need to get so--”
”TAKE THIS, SINNER!!” I ignored him, brandishing my weapon threateningly. ” HEAVEN SHOCKING LUNAR FANG!!!!!!!”
I intiated an attack I didn't have the ability to pull off at all. But it still sounded nice to say so whatever.
”Whoa.” Father dashed out of the way before my wooden sword could pound into him. But I expected that!
I didn't hesitate at all in chucking the thing right at him, the point heading true towards it's target unswervingly. The man in question definitely felt his balls shrivel up as he calculated it's trajectory.
”Fuck, this kid's aim is as merciless as his mother's!”
He didn't say it but I saw the words clearly written in his haunted eyes, as if plagued by some tragic past.
Well, that's a matter of course. The guy still doesnt allow letter openers in the house, after all.
He lunged to the side in desperation, rolled back to his feet, and glared. ”What the hell, what's the point of using such a cool name when you're just gonna throw it?”
...No, that wasn't the important bit though?
”And what was that just now?! You nearly turned me into a eunuch, you brat! If I lost my family jewels and couldn't get it up how would you face your poor mother, hm?! Do you expect her to live the life of a nun?”
Ah, there we go.
Mother yawned. ”Oh, I'd assuredly be capable of finding a little lover, honey, so don't you worry. I'm perfectly capable of scratching my own itches in the first place too, you know? And well I don't really think the gems are needed, right? It's the sceptre that matters, the sceptre. I think a couple crushed peanuts would be fine. We already have two adorable baby-boos anyway so what's the fuss?” She shrugged. ”Plus it's okay if you develope another trauma and can't get it up naturally? My big bro has drugs.”
Eh, wait, mom has a brother? How can you just so nonchalantly reveal such an important piece of information as if it's nothing? How come I've never met this uncle of mine before? Speak up, oi.
”See pops? It's fine, it's fine~”
”This mother and son....” Father shook his head. ”Forget it. And I don't care what you say. Even if it means never having sex again I'm not taking that maniac's pills! Last time they--”
My eyes flashed. ”Opening!”
While his guard was down I pounced without warning.
But how could he not foresee the acions of that shameless son of his?
”Feist one, aren't you? Bring it on!” Father threw down his blade and raised his hands, throwing himself at his child without a second thought.
Our swordfight quckly devolved into a match of fisticuffs. Now this was a true battle among men!
Father, you think I'll play fair after what you just pulled?Heh. How innocent...
”Son of a...!” Father yelped as I fought with tooth and claw. His once pretty face was full of scratches and bruises while his right arm was being used as a chewtoy.
He ran and waved the arm in an attempt to throw me off. But I, like the great pitbulls of yore, merely clamped down even harder!
”Are you a human or are you a dog? Get off me! Get off!” He wailed miserably.
How do you like that, pretty boy? Huh? Yeah. Yeah you like it don't you. Little masochist fukboi and your sweet moa--
Ahem.
Well have some more then!
The image of an attractive father and his cute, maturing son battling it out on the ground, pounding away at one another, sweat pouring down their faces as each struggled for dominance, fighting for the top position... was definitely not a small bit of fanservice directed at the rotten-minded females of the audience, if they did indeed exist. Absolutely not.
***
Several figures could be seen in the vast dining room. Two adults and three children.
Two of whom currently held the visage of a begger. One in particular looked as if he was mauled by a cat and then later encountered a very ”playful” bloodhound who thought him a snack.
No one, however, said a word.
”....Heh.”
That is, until now.
The one who had the audactiy to laugh in such a situation was a pretty little girl with emerald green hair. Standing tall, looking prim and proper in a maid's traditional dressware, she was the dream grand-daughter of every grandparent from east to west.
Or she should be. But the impassiveness of her face gave one a subtle feeling of uneasy. If one were to describe her it would be ”Doll-like,” but not in the way Dolly herself was.
Whereas one was able to heal you with glance, this girl was more probable to send you into a spiral of crippling self-doubt with a single word. Actually not even a word, but a sound. A single ”Hoh?” with eyes staring at you as if you were the fecal matter of the lowliest of ants.
That one action could lead you to question your entire life, wonder about your own self-worth. Yes. And this little girl was none other than the sister of perhaps the most cheerful idiot on the planet--Baz's only sibling, Aloe Vera!
Okay, it was just Vera. But come on you couldn't look at her hair and name and NOT think of that stuff.