181 The blind leading the blind (1/2)

It appeared she had woken up earlier than the rest and was taking this time to sob a little bit while nobody was looking.

Marcus felt he should try to talk to her to see if she was ok, but he didn't want to get her by surprise, so he tried to walk with heavy steps so she could hear him coming over.

The girl quickly noticed the lad approaching and wiped her tears before facing him.

”Hey, Ellie... Did you manage to sleep well...?” he asked while trying to check on the state of her expression.

She turned around to show a fragile attempt at a smile, ”Hey, Marcus... Yeah... I have all my energy back... I'm ready to take on the next ring...”

That wasn't exactly what Marcus had asked, but he assumed she probably didn't want to talk about it.

He also assumed she wasn't in the mood to chat with him at all considering their history, so he thought about leaving her alone, but now that Lilith was in the state she currently was, it would become his job to take care of Ellie, so he felt they should try to settle their differences now before moving forward.

”Hey, Ellie-”

”I'm so sorry!!” Ellie interrupted him.

Marcus was surprised, ”Uuh... You're sorry...? For what?”

”I was thinking about the way I treated you before... I said some pretty stupid things to you... And all you ever did was try to help... I'm so sorry...”

Marcus was thinking back to how Ellie behaved around him. Most of her actions resulted in trying to stop him from getting to close to Evlin due to him being her enemy in the past. Marcus honestly didn't mind it too much. He was genuinely kinda glad that at least someone wasn't acting like his mistakes weren't such a big deal.

He knew that people were trying to make him feel welcomed, but constantly trying to make it seem like his errors could so easily be swept under the rug, made him feel like his action had no value as if they would accept him no matter what he did.

Ellie giving him a hard time felt like the first time someone was looking at him for what he was, and not for what they wanted him to be.

”I don't mind... You did all that because you wanted to keep your aunt safe... And it's not like I am a saint either... I deserve this kind of treatment for what I've done...”

Ellie tilted her head a little, ”How could you say that...? You almost died trying to save my family! Trying to save me!! You have done nothing wrong ever since I met you!!”

”But I have done plenty wrong before... Being good now doesn't mean that I was good before... Nor does it mean that the bad I used to do just gets erased...”

Ellie looked at him for a bit after hearing that and decided to continue her speech, ”... My aunt talked with me about you... You know?”

”Yeah... When we were training my magic... She asked why I was being so mean to you... She told me you were not a bad kid...”

'So she still viewed me as a kid...' Marcus thought while getting a little depressed.

”She told me you just did what you did because you were suffering... Because you were lonely... And because you didn't know what to do...” Ellie continued.

”I guess... But that doesn't erase my past... I still did plenty wro- Oh...!” Marcus decided to shut up when he realized what Ellie was doing. She wanted to hear from the mouth of someone who had made many mistakes if he was allowed to forgive himself, and the reason she wanted to ask that, is because she was in that position right now.

”I see... Makes sense after all...” Ellie replied while looking down.

”No, no, Ellie, I didn't mean that!!” Marcus desperately tried to correct himself.

Ellie just looked at him confused. Marcus didn't want her to feel bad about what she did, but how could he convince her that it was ok for her to not let that get her down while he himself still felt affected by it?

”I mean... Yeah, I did some stupid stuff... But that doesn't mean...” Marcus tried to convince himself of the lie he was about to tell, the lie he never truly believed in, ”that doesn't mean I'm a bad person... Right?”

Ellie got even more confused. One second Marcus was telling her it was ok to be harsh on him because he used to be a bad person, next he was saying he wasn't so bad after all. The girl was getting some really mixed signals.

Marcus just covered his face and took a deep breath, ”Look... what I'm trying to say is... I don't mind you being hard on me because... It makes it feel like I'm paying for my actions...”

”... And... That's good...?”

”It's... It's good for me... Because it shows that you care about what's right and what's wrong...”

”So I deserved to get punished as well...” Ellie looked down again, ”I should have gotten blinded... Not Lilith...”

”No, no, no!!! That's not what I meant!!” Marcus shouted while trying to raise her face.

”Then what DO you mean??? Am I bad or not?? Do I deserve to get punished or not???” Ellie shouted while tearing up again.