330 Spy (1/2)

The battle with the ”Wood Spirits Are So Cute” team ended in five minutes, and four additional ”elite undead” were added to my undead army…

Don't misunderstand! I didn't kill them—there was no need to.

I simply told them that I was undertaking a special mission for the wood spirits, that I had disguised myself as an undead mage in order to obtain intelligence… and they all actually believed me!

Yep, they believed me immediately and without any hesitation. They even tried to extort me, saying, ”You must be getting paid so many Justice Points for this. As a righteous Holy Knight, you absolutely can't hoard the payment to yourself! We should all share with each other and do this mission together!” Sure, I replied, why not. And they joined me in order to receive some Justice Points for very little work done.

”This rotten meat is disgusting.”

The barbarian Ah Gen was now a revolting Abomination with pink pieces of meat stuck over his body, all thanks to my intentional costume makeup.

He was covered in rotting bones and rotting flesh. Not to mention, he was an Abomination so poor that he didn't even have pants on his pudgy bottom half. His intestines trailed along the ground, his chin was crooked, and blood dripped from his mouth as he trudged forward—truly the perfect Abomination!

”Actually, with my job class, I should be disguised as an elegant member of the Blood Tribe! Under the cover of night, I shall walk across rooftops and flash between shadows to steal away the lives of my sworn enemies, the thief guild assassins.”

”Elegant? Also, why does this rooftop battling proclamation of yours sound so familiar? Could it be that you've read the legendary book known as 'Assassin'?”

”Yep, reading that book back in the day is exactly the reason I became a thief!”

The more he nodded, the more I felt that I had shot myself in the foot yet again. I hesitated, wondering if I should tell him that it was I who had written ”Assassin” back in the day to make some money. It was a story filled with wish fulfillment, a harem protagonist, and had plenty of logical errors. However, it had become mysteriously popular as it was a fun read. But anyone that truly tried to imitate the main character's lifestyle while becoming a thief would probably die more than one hundred times a year if they had that many lives to spend.

But looking at his huge smile and honest demeanor, I could only exclaim how he must be as tough as a cockroach because he had yet to die. I also came to the conclusion that it would be best not to ruin his worldview. Yep, it definitely wasn't because I felt it would be quite troublesome if he went crazy, furious at having his dreams shattered or anything like that.

”So, his dream is to become a high-flying thief amongst the rooftops?”

Judging by the barbarian Ah Gen's weight and bulk, if he truly tried leaping across the rooftops like the main character of that novel, the main thing to take into consideration would no longer be stealth, but how sturdy the rooftop was… Just think about it: what if you were ”having fun” in the middle of the night when something tremendous landed on your home's rooftop with a thunderous clap… Yep, I've definitely never tried something like that, nor have I ever gotten stuck in someone's ceiling!

Just imagining this big lout ”also” getting stuck in some home's ceiling made me feel like it would be a great scene to witness! Perhaps I should even have him try it out, together with a red and white robe and a fake white beard. And if someone finds him, he could even say, ”Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas! I'm Santa Claus and I only give gifts to obedient children. What? It's summer? I apologize for getting lost. Those damned goblin compasses are so unreliable, and my dumb unicorns didn't even remind me! I actually flew to the wrong half of the world!”

Cough—cough—I seem to have gotten carried away with my imagination. Let's get back to the main topic. Ah Gen was making use of my personal and thorough ”disgusting undead” fashion accessories package, perfect for any powerful warrior. Not only would it attract aggro, it would also be quite practical. Those hulking rotting muscles and bulging eyeballs would even help increase one's Charisma towards banshees.

”…Roland, we need to have a little chat. I think you have some misunderstandings about banshees.”

Alright then, it seemed I accidentally said something bad about banshees in front of a banshee herself. Just thinking about how this former Banshee Queen was getting more and more used to the three most common actions of cats, meowing, licking, and purring cutely… actually, I meant the three actions of the cat family—jumping at me, biting me, and whipping me with her tail—I was seriously considering how I should explain things to her.

Cough, I seem to have gotten sidetracked again. Let's get back on track this time—I promise.

With my undead fashion accessories disguising them, the Wood Spirits are so Cute team—yep—this recently established team for worshipping wood spirit cuties was now horrendously ugly.

As I mentioned previously, Ah Gen was wearing an Abomination costume. The priest Betty was wearing a cape that summoned shadows, which helped him pretend to be an undead shadow priest, while the handsome elf bard turned into an equally handsome Blood Tribe member who had some blood poured on him as a disguise. The heroic and stout dwarven auntie… was still an incredibly stout dwarven auntie!

This wasn't my fault for lacking talent in applying undead makeup. I truly couldn't think of how to disguise someone like her, with a barrel-shaped figure, a weight of several hundred kilograms and a height less than 1.4 meters into an undead who only had bones and rotting flesh. And if she was disguised as an Abomination? Only an idiot of an undead mage would make such a tiny Abomination.

”Blood Tribe? Any real Blood Tribe member would cry if they saw a fellow member with such a body figure.”

Of course, I finally found a method in the end: I put a monstrous cover on her to disguise her as a rather overweight corpse zombie. Although she still had the special barrel-shaped figure of a dwarf, any other undead mage that saw her would likely misconstrue her as a dwarf zombie who had some problems when transferring to become an undead.

Of course, the prerequisite for this… was that Mary the dwarf would be willing to let go of her own alcohol barrel! What corpse zombie would carry such a large alcohol barrel on their back—and even secretly take a few chugs from time to time?

However, I knew that convincing her to let go of her ”baggage” was nigh impossible. There was a common saying in the land of Eich: ”Trying to make a dwarf let go of their alcohol is just as impossible as making an elf let go of their pride and artistry.”

”How pitiful… These 'character skins' of mine are of excellent quality. They're definitely not a cash grab by some money hungry company, and I'm not even charging them any money. They don't know how good they have it. Hmph, I'm going to have to catch myself one of those no-good merchants and make them suffer. All they do is draw a hat and some random accessories on the face and treat it as a brand-new character skin to be sold? They're not as moral as I am.”

”Stop complaining so much; you're lucky enough they're willing to help you for free.”—Harloys.

Alright then. Although these terrible teammates of mine didn't really seem that strong, at least I didn't need to focus on controlling them. I supposed that they technically did count as some combat strength. Of course, due to certain reasons, I kept a slight distance from them.