2 The Evil Lich System (1/2)
Legend had it that every transcender who broke through the boundaries of space and time would receive a gift from the world—yeah, it was commonly known as the Golden Ring [1]1, said to be a must-have for every transcender.
The Evil Lich System… that was my damned Golden Ring.
A long time ago, it didn’t go by this name. It had the beautiful name of ‘The Training System of a Holy Knight,’ but as soon as I gave up the identity of a Holy Knight and embarked on the path of dark magic, it ended up with its current name.
A long time ago, the daily quests it offered me were to help old grannies cross the road and help little girls find their lost kittens. Those were vastly different to the accursed missions I had been receiving recently.
”Let’s look at the daily quests today… it’s the damned choose one-of-two-options-type again. Destroy a town with a population of 30,000 people or above; reward: 10,000 evil points. Steal lollipops from 3 children; reward: 1 evil point. If neither of the quests is completed, then 2 points will be deducted.”
”Tsk! You think I’m stupid? If I really destroyed a town, a crusade of Epic-ranked Holy Knights would definitely come hunting me down. Even if I earned the points, there wouldn’t be any life left in me to spend them.”
As such, I casually snatched a lollipop from a passing tauren loli and watched as the crying girl was pulled away by her mother. I subsequently popped the lollipop into my mouth and grimaced as the clashing sound between the lollipop and my bones resounded in my ears. It was only then did I recall I had lost my sense of taste.
”Sigh, when can I experience the joy of eating delicious food again? Although mana can make me feel full, it doesn't feel satisfying at all.”
Despite the mother’s attempt to pull her daughter away, the little girl seemed unwilling to give up. She stared at me with her large watery eyes, and hope seemed to bloom within her after noticing my inability to consume food.
Do you think this uncle lich is only pulling a prank? Do you think I will return the lollipop back to you?
Alright, so as to not betray the other party’s expectations… *kacha* *kacha* I bit the lollipop into many pieces before spitting them one by one onto the ground.
”Boohoo!! Mum, that weird uncle stole my candy!”
”Don’t look; let’s go.”
Just as I expected, a resounding cry pierced through the air. In that instant, my mood lifted as a memory of a certain fearless kid flashed through my mind.
”Are the undead not entitled to human rights? Ancient magic scrolls were treated like rough paper and vandalized, dragon blood ink was used as color paint, and an alchemy medicine, which had taken me so much trouble to make, was drunk as soda. Even my bones were secretly disassembled just for them to be reassembled again—it was like playing with a puzzle. I had only slept for two hours and yet my entire laboratory had turned into a wreck. The destructive power of kids is too scary…”
”Sigh, when can I have my revenge?” Thinking about those fearless rascals, especially a certain untamed kid, I uncontrollably ground my teeth in anger.
Suddenly, I heard a notice from the System.
[Ding! Congratulations on successfully driving the 100th young child to tears. Reward: 10 Evil Points—A loli that looks like she is 6 years old but is actually 20 years old is a legal loli?! An expired pseudo-loli is evil!]
Looking at my sudden accomplishment, I felt a surge of joy. The first accomplishment unlocked always warranted me 10 points, which was equivalent to the points I received from completing 10 days’ worth of daily quests.
”Following this train of thought, if making a hundred of them cry unlocks an accomplishment, then making a thousand of them cry should have one as well, and the reward will at least be multiplied by several folds…”
Thus, I turned my attention to the lolis and shotas on the street…
”Bah! Even if I did not receive a daily quest for it, making those disobedient kids learn how to follow rules and preventing others from suffering the same fate as I are the duties of a good person.”
”What should I play? Right, I can grant life! I shall turn the toys of those rascals into disgusting monsters that run about. In addition, I shall paint their lollipops the color of feces with my magic paint.”
As a frequent victim of those rascals, simply being reminded of my destroyed magic scrolls and precious classical books was able to provide me with an endless flow of evil ideas.
”No, no, that isn’t enough; how about I turn their pillow covers into magical beasts that eat humans? That will make them shiver whenever they see a pillow in the future. Right, there is also Evard’s Black Tentacles! I can make them enjoy a ticklish hell.”
”Oh, aren’t those rascals afraid of monsters and ghosts? Heehee, it is time to start rebuilding my undead army. Awaken, my Undead Calamity!!”
That was the day I finally learned that there were less than 200 kids living in that area…
Bringing about a few thousand skeletons, abominations and Dullahans on the street seemed to be an overkill…
That day, before the Town Security arrived on the scene to capture me, I had already visited every nook and cranny of the street. Even so, I had only managed to drive 160 of them to tears…
Moreover, after the Town Security members realized that the reason I summoned an army of undead was to exact vengeance on playful kids, their dumbfounded faces and despising looks became my new dark history.
[Congratulations on simultaneously receiving despising looks from a hundred females. You have received the special accomplishment ‘Did this kid’s brain get soaked in water or paste?’ and you have been awarded the noble title ‘Mentally Disabled Kid.’ After equipping this title, there is a fixed probability of receiving sympathy from females, but the females’ impression of the wearer as a male will be lowered by 100 points.]
… Anyway, I was already used to being played a fool by the System and my reputation was already at its worst. Given the System’s affirmation of my charisma evidenced by my -88 charm, it didn’t make much of a difference even if my luck with the opposite sex was reduced by 100 points—the ending would still the same; I would be unable to land myself a girlfriend.
Even though it was only a rational analysis, why did I feel as though my eyes were bleeding tears as these words came out of my mouth? Alright, I was a great wizard who had been single for 300 years, but at the very least, I had exacted my revenge against those rascals! [2]2
As the memory of those wailing children surfaced, I laughed in satisfaction. An idea about what to write in my diary today hit me.
AD 1896, the summer of the Year of the Dragon, 6th March. The legend known as ‘The Lollipop Hunter Incident’ and ‘The Man-Eating Pillow Incident’ was destined to be forever carved in the memories of the rascals of Sulfur Mountain City.
”Thenceforth, the kids will remember the terror of that man’s dominance evermore… the shame of having one’s beloved items taken away, the despair of being eaten by one’s own toys, and the fear of being surrounded by the undead…
As I thought about what to write in my diary, the System Notice sounded out again.
[Ding! You have unlocked the accomplishment: Making a Hundred Kids Cry Within a Day! Reward: 10 Evil Points. Congratulations, you have been awarded the noble title ‘Bane of Kids.’ After equipping this title, lolis and shotas who are 12 years old and younger will naturally feel threatened by you. As a kind reminder, if you succeed in making 500 children cry in one go, you will be awarded the noble title of ‘Kids Killer,’ and if you succeed in making 1000 children cry…]
The System Notice suddenly stopped at this point. I was involuntarily overwhelmed with anticipation; although this was undeniably a spiteful title, it could be considered to be a blessing in disguise if it could grant me the power to keep those rascals away.
[…in one go, you will be awarded the noble title ‘To Argue With Kids At Your Age, Can’t You Be More Mature.’ Oh, you should thank me. Actually, this should be the title most befitting you at the moment.]
”Sh*t! I can’t tolerate this anymore! Darned System, this is all your fault! You are going down!!”
...
”Master, you got locked up in jail this time for stealing lollipops. Next time, will it be due to stealing a girl’s underwear? I really don’t want to come here to fetch a pervert.”
The one currently speaking was my loyal servant, the half-demon residing in my mansion, the silver-haired Elisa.
Gold-black framed spectacles, silver ponytails, tiger teeth, a purple tail with a butterfly knot at the end and a European maid costume. It perfectly showcased the little demon’s character and, at the same, exposed a certain lich’s interest…
All along, I was satisfied by Elisa’s outer appearance. However, she would truly be perfect if only she could change her personality, expressionless face, and venomous tongue.
”It’s not like you aren’t aware of my darned System. Getting points by just making a few little girls cry is what a good person should be doing.”
”Here!”
She passed a thick photo album to me.
”This… Oh, well done, Elisa! As expected of my loyal servant!”
”I can roughly guess what happened. These are the contact details of children attending Sulfur Mountain City’s largest kindergarten. I have carefully picked out the names on the list, and it should now be convenient for you to finish your quest.”
”Well done! To think that I was convinced you were looking forward to my death so that you can regain your freedom. I guess it was all a misunderstanding on my part. Good job; you are a good person as well.”
”Let me see!” Upon opening the list of contact details, however, my face turned bitter.
”Contact details for the three children of Sulfur City’s Holy Church Archbishop’s kindergarten, the daughter of Dragonslayer Amro, who just started going to kindergarten, and War God Xynso’s precious son—are you sure you’re trying to help me and not trying to send me to hell?!”
My anger, as usual, was disregarded by the other party. The half-demon young lady pushed her spectacle frame upwards as a cold gleam reflected off the lenses.
”The great reputation of the 'Lollipop Hunter' has already spread throughout the entire Sulfur Mountain City. I am criticized the moment I leave the mansion. For the sake of this lady’s [3] 3reputation, I would really like to change my job. Or rather, Master, you should start paying the salary you owe me for the past ten years.”
”Hahaha, let’s not talk about money—it sours relationships, you know. Let’s go; I can’t wait to return to our warm home.”
”A gentleman should not engage in escapism, and please don’t change the topic—why are you making me run with you? What are you planning this time?”
”As expected of my little Elisa who has stayed by my side for so long. Today’s daily quest is a splendid explosion, you know—”
”I get it. Please hold on tight; I will now use my mana to escape!”