Chapter 1189 - 1189 – Trial Three: Complete (1/2)

'I'm so sorry, Azure!'

'I'm so sorry I can't be with you anymore.'

'Please, forgive me!'

These were all the things Mortis was thinking.

He was planning to end his life to end the suffering.

He didn't know how long he had already survived, but it didn't matter anymore.

He only wanted to end it.

'I can't live like this.'

'I'm sorry!'

Mortis continued thinking these thoughts.

He continued repeating them.

Again.

And again.

And again.

Yet, for some reason, he never actually went through with it.

Something inside of him was telling him to hang on just a bit longer.

He only had to hang on a bit longer.

Just a little bit.

Azure's face shot through Mortis' mind.

He imagined her crying after realizing that she wouldn't see him again.

He imagined her choosing death over a lonely life.

He imagined the kids he could have in the future.

And whenever these images shot through his head, Mortis hung on just a bit more.

All of these instances only bought him seconds, but they kept on coming without end.

Just one more second.

Just a bit more.

Mortis had said his goodbyes a million times by now, but he actually never did it.

Mortis didn't realize it, but he was essentially venting his fear.

He knew that he could end his suffering, and that gave him hope.

Mortis knew that he wasn't forced to go through all this suffering.

He could always just end it.

Then, it would end.

This thought gave him solace.

There was a way out.

Mortis was like a mortal on the bottom of their life. Every single day was agony, and that person had a noose hanging in their attic, which they would watch in the evenings after the day was over.

Sometimes, that mortal would stand in front of the noose.

Sometimes, they would just look at it.

Sometimes, they would put their head through it and play around with the chair under their feet.

So close.

Salvation was so close.

Only one last step.

They would spend a couple of minutes in hollow suffering, just feeling the closeness of release.

Just a bit more.

If they slipped right now, everything would be over.

Yet, after just some minutes, the mortal would step away from the rope and go to sleep in their bed.

If things didn't improve, they could always come back to it.

If things worsened even more, they had a final solution.

But for now, it didn't feel like it was time.

Mortis was like this mortal.

He was so close to ending it all. It only needed a thought, and Mortis' life would end.

Yet, every second, minute, or hour, Mortis would say his goodbyes to everyone he loved, fully intent on ending it.

And then, he would just wait.

Time would drag on, and the process would repeat.

There had to be an end to this agony at some point.

Mortis knew that it had to end after 10,000 years.

There was an end in sight.

He only had to wait.

After uncountable times of trying to end it, Mortis eventually gritted his teeth and gave up giving up.

One last push of motivation hit Mortis, and his eyes reddened with battle intent.

For years, he fought against the agony.

'I will not die!'

'I will not die!'

'I will not die!'

Yet, the agony continued without pause.

It continued and continued.

It never ended.

Slowly, Mortis lost his motivation again.

'Why fight?'

'Why do this?'

'This is all just so exhausting.'

'I only want to rest.'