Chapter 1146 - 1146 – Experiment (1/2)

”There is no one that elicits these kinds of feelings from me,” Mortis answered. ”I see so many different Cultivators, but they all look the same to me. They are either strangers, friends, enemies, or whatever. There is no difference.”

”So, do humans need some kind of connection with a stranger for love to exist in the future?” Azure asked. She was genuinely curious about all of this.

Mortis' brows furrowed. ”No, not really.”

”Then why does that have to exist for you to try?” Azure asked.

For the first time, Mortis didn't answer immediately.

Why didn't he just get to know more people?

Was it really necessary that his spark had to exist for a relationship to blossom?

Obviously not.

There were plenty of mortals and Cultivators that got together with people after just being friends for years on end.

There had been no romantic attraction between them in the beginning, but they had eventually ended together.

For some reason, a kind of pressure appeared in Mortis' insides.

'Is it because of my past?' he thought. 'I've felt how Gravis have felt for so long. I've felt these intense bursts of warmth and love inside myself so many times.'

Mortis looked into the distance. 'Is it because I fear disappointment? Do I fear that my eventual love won't be as vibrant as the love Gravis feels for Stella?'

A moment of silence passed.

'And then, this entire thing with Joyce happened, which confirmed my fear. I was attracted to Joyce, but I never felt anything remotely as intense as what Gravis felt for Stella back then.'

'And then, Joyce died, and I felt like my ability to love died with her.'

Mortis glanced over at Azure, who only looked into the distance with a thoughtful expression.

'I think I fear disappointment,' Mortis thought. 'It might be possible that I'm afraid of losing my hope. I can dream about how great love is and how it makes me feel, but I'm afraid that my imagination is off.'

Another moment of silence.

'If even love turns out to be a disappointment, what else is there left but greyness in my life?'

'If love doesn't live up to my expectations, what reason do I even have left to live?'

”Azure, why do you cultivate?” Mortis asked.

Azure was surprised by the question. How did Mortis even come up with that question?

”Why do I cultivate?” Azure asked.

Mortis nodded.

Azure remained silent.

”I don't know,” she said after several seconds. ”Honestly, I haven't really thought about it. Living just feels natural to me, and it's like something I just have to do.”

”Is there something in your life that you don't want to lose, no matter what?” Mortis asked.

Azure remained silent for a bit longer as her expression became uncomfortable.

”Not really,” Azure answered with an unsure voice.

”Then, why do you keep fighting? Why do you keep comprehending Laws? Why do you go through the fear and pain of tempering yourself?” Mortis asked absentmindedly.

”Every Cultivator would rather do anything else. No Cultivator goes out and tempers themselves just for fun. We all do it out of necessity since we want to become more powerful. And why do we want to become more powerful? Because we don't want to die.”

”And why don't we want to die? Because we have something in our life that we don't want to lose. We don't want to feel the pain of a loved one dying. We want to spend more time with our loved ones. We want to see what tomorrow brings.”

”Yet, when you have nothing you care about, what is even the point of surviving?” Mortis asked, looking at Azure. ”From what you've said, you sound like you don't have anything you want to live for. So, why live?”

Azure remained silent.

Azure remained silent for several minutes.

During that time, Mortis regretted his question.

Mortis had only asked some things he was curious about, but he realized that his words might have had an unintended effect on Azure.

These thoughts were normal to Mortis. He was thinking these thoughts every single day.

Yet, in comparison, Azure had never even asked herself that question.

”You don't have to answer, and you also don't need to question yourself regarding this topic,” Mortis added. ”You obviously have something to live for. Otherwise, you wouldn't have had the willpower to get through so much fighting and death.”

”No, you were right,” Azure said, her expression showing an internal struggle. ”What do I actually live for? Why do I live?”

”You're a beast, Azure,” Mortis added. ”Heaven made you to become powerful. You're not a human, and you don't need to have the feelings we humans have. For you, power might have a vastly stronger appeal than for us. Becoming more powerful might feel way more fulfilling than for us humans.”

”Don't try to invalidate your reasons for living by comparing them to humans. You're not a human, and you already accepted that, right? Why search for something unimportant to you?” Mortis added.

By now, Mortis had regretted asking his earlier question. Azure seemed to genuinely struggle right now.

”No, that's not the case,” Azure said as she looked at Mortis with confusion and nervousness. ”I know what you're trying to do right now, but your worry is misplaced.”

Mortis raised an eyebrow.

”I am simply overwhelmed by something I have never felt before,” Azure said. ”That's why it was so difficult for me to answer.”

”What do you feel?” Mortis asked.

”It's a kind of emptiness,” Azure said. ”It's like a black hole that sucks out all the drive in my being, and it feels like it's consuming my insides.”

Mortis' expression became uncomfortable, and he felt guilty beyond compare.

This was a feeling he was very familiar with.

”Hey, listen-”

”Give me a second,” Azure interrupted Mortis. ”Keep in mind that I'm not some mortal. I'm a Star God, and I've gone through worse. You don't need to fix me or anything. I can deal with this stuff well on my own.”

Mortis looked at Azure skeptically. After all, he knew how overwhelming this feeling was.

Azure noticed Mortis' expression, but she didn't try to convince Mortis immediately. Instead, she wanted to tell him what she was thinking about.

”I never felt this feeling before, right?” Azure asked. ”I've never had an issue with life, and I felt satisfied with simply becoming more powerful. However, as soon as you brought my attention to the purpose of life, I suddenly felt this feeling I never felt before.”

”I'm certain that I wouldn't have felt anything like this in the past. I haven't felt anything even remotely like this, not even a weaker version. It's completely new.”

”We beasts get a Spirit when we become Star Gods, right?” Azure asked. ”So, when we get a Spirit, does it also mean that our emotional concepts become more human-like?”

Mortis also fell into thought when Azure said that.