Part 45 (2/2)

”You don't think so?”

”Yes, it's great. It's going to be amazing,” I humored her.

Lexus laughed. She was truly happy. I listened as Lexus continued to talk about her wedding plans. She went on about herself, John, and their plans for the future. I could only smile to make myself feel happiness to cover up the sadness that seemed to want to weigh heavily in my heart. Some of the things she shared with me were intimate. There were things she said that I didn't really care to know, but I let her go on and tell me because she was on a blissful high. I didn't think it would be fair for me to break her from it.

”I want to tell you something, but it may be TMI,” Lexus said with a blush.

”What is it?” I asked.

”I told myself I'd wait until I was married to have s.e.x. I wanted it to be something special for our wedding night. I don't know what happened, Kristen,” she said with a smile. ”It just felt like the night was too perfect. We did it. But it was only one time. We said that we'd wait until after the wedding to do it again.”

I nodded.

”I'm sorry,” she said. ”You probably don't want to hear all of this.”

”It's okay,” I told her.

Lexus quieted herself and stared at the television. She laughed at the red-haired man who was cracking jokes on the late night comedy show. He made one last joke and then directed the cameras to his band that played a short intermission to the commercial break.

”That guy is so funny,” she said with a laugh.

”Yeah, when I was in the hospital, the only time we got to watch television was during prime time when detective shows and teenage soap operas were on. The TV never stayed on long enough, and we weren't allowed to be up late enough to watch the late night comedy.”

”Well,” Lexus responded. ”You are out of there now. You're home free! And you can watch as much late night TV as you want.”

We laughed together. After the laughter, we stared at each other in silence. Looking at Lexus' beautiful face was not a difficult thing to do. It was when I grew self-conscious of what she was seeing when she looked at me, which made it difficult to keep eye contact. I turned my head back to face the television. The commercials were still playing.

Lexus suddenly snapped her fingers, startling me.

”I know it!” she exclaimed when she snapped her fingers.

”Know what?”

”What's different,” she said.

”What's different?” I asked.

”Yes,” she said. She smiled wide and scooted herself closer to me, forcing me to have to face her now. She was very happy about her sudden epiphany. ”You're different.” She went on. ”You seem happier. I mean, more positive about things. You don't seem so...”

”Negative?” I completed her sentence.

”No. Uh. I mean, yeah. I'm not saying that you were a negative person. You made a change, because now you're just so different, but in a good way.”

”I know what you mean. It's okay. Thank you, Lexus,” I said.

”You're welcome,” she said with a sweet smile.

I hoped that she would leave the subject alone, and not keep going on about it. The comedic late night talk show host saved me. The red-haired, hyperactive, funny man welcomed his next guest to the set. A popular young male actor with a G.o.dlike bone structure and suave swagger joined the host on stage. Lexus' attention was now tuned to him.

As she watched television, I watched her. I noticed the sweet beauty mole that rested on her neck, just below her jawline near her left earlobe. I slid closer to her, quietly, not to disturb her. I put my hand on her shoulder and watched her smile. Then, I gently pressed my lips on that mole and kissed it. I held my lips there to make sure she felt my touch. She didn't flinch or pull away from me.

I pulled myself away. When I looked at her, I was surprised to see that her eyes were closed and she looked peaceful and calm. She was breathing slowly.

As I took in that moment between Lexus and me, things became clear. Lexus really was a good friend. She was there for me as a true friend should be, the best way that she knew how. She did not want to hurt me, or use me to make herself feel good because she was not a bad person. She truly cared about me as her friend.

Lexus and I lived on the same planet, but we were from different worlds. Hers was a world that I did not understand. Lexus' world was full of romance, love, family, John, wedding dresses, and engagement parties. Her story would have been written in an entirely different tone and genre if she had written her story.

My world consisted of trying to heal what had been broken on the inside and outside of me. Even though we came from different worlds and she couldn't fully understand what I was going through, and vice versa, we remained best friends. We loved, supported, and accepted each other.

”Good night, beautiful,” I said to her as I pulled a pillow close and then lay down.

I closed my eyes and didn't look back at her again that night. I was sure to pull the blanket over my face so that she couldn't see me crying. I held my breath so that I wouldn't make a sound. I didn't know what she was doing or thinking after that, but I heard a sniffle and a soft sob.

Her warm hand touched my back, and it stayed there for a short forty seconds. She whispered good night just before she removed her hand. The television was turned off. The lamp was turned out. Then I heard her bedroom door shut.

CHAPTER 59.

On my birthday, I woke up to Nick, Alison, and Mom singing to me. They serenaded me with the traditional birthday melody, but Nick and Alison topped it off with the best, most annoying soprano notes I had ever heard.

Mom fussed, ”It was supposed to be nice. You both killed it.”

”She loved it,” Nick said as he dashed onto my bed and pulled the covers up from over me.

Alison added as she sat down on the other side of me, ”We made it unique. I wanted to hit all of the high notes.”

I kissed the both of them on their cheeks. ”I did love it,” I said.

Mom gave me a blueberry m.u.f.fin with a lit candle sticking out of it.

”Make a big wis.h.!.+” Alison said.

I closed my eyes, made a secret wish, and then opened my eyes again. I took a deep breath and was ready to blow, but Nick stopped me.

”Wait,” he said. ”What did you wish for?”

”I'll never tell,” I told him. Then I blew out my candle.

Nick and Alison applauded.

”Okay, kiddies,” Mom said. ”Go get dressed so that I can drop you off at the Recreation Center.”

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