Part 34 (2/2)

I looked up, startled. I shuddered when I saw that all eyes were on me.

”Yes?” I answered, a bit confused.

”It's your turn,” Tai told me.

I heard a few people laugh at me. I must have been the first person to speak. Dr. Finch always went first, but everyone knew that he didn't really count.

I took a deep breath and tried to gather my thoughts. Don't think about Rocky! Don't think about death! I kept trying to tell myself this.

”I'm Kristen,” I said.

Then I paused. Mena was staring right at me. Her eyes were completely blank. I looked away from her.

”I'm seventeen,” I said. I swallowed. My birthday is in a few weeks, I thought to myself. No. That's not right, I told myself. Wait. I'm in Group. Think, Kristen, think. But I couldn't think. ”I'm seventeen.”

”Yeah! You already said that,” said another patient whom I had never seen before. Others began to laugh at me. Even Tai laughed.

Dr. Finch put his hand up. ”Quiet!” he said.

The room fell to a hush.

”Kristen,” Dr. Finch said. ”Are you all right?”

I should have said yes and moved on, but my mind wouldn't let me. I was feeling too much all at once, and I couldn't get control. My head felt like it was full of helium and the only things weighing it down were my eyeb.a.l.l.s. My eyes felt like they weighed a ton. I shook my head and touched my temples.

”My head is hurting really bad,” I told Dr. Finch.

”Do you need to see the nurse?”

”Yes, I think so,” I told him.

”Go ahead,” he said.

As I walked away from the circle, I watched Tai's jaw drop. She rolled her eyes coldly at me and looked away. She was upset because I was leaving. Maybe she thought I was faking my headache. Mena's eyes followed me out of the sitting area. But there was still no real expression on her face. She was just blank.

I exited the sitting area and went over to the nurse's station that was near the counselor's desk. I approached the nurse who was busy gathering medication and getting the pills ready for morning medication. I told her I had a bad headache. She looked at my chart to make sure the doctor didn't order that I not have pain killers. She put my chart down, gathered up two little blue pills, and put them in a cup. Then she brought me a cup of water.

”That's Aleve,” she said. ”That should help your headache.”

I swallowed the Aleve and the water down quickly. When I was finished, she took my garbage and threw it away. I thanked her. As I started to walk away, Geoffrey looked up at me from behind the counselor's desk. He was on the telephone. He waved to me to come to him. I walked over.

”Kristen,” he said. ”I don't normally do this, because phone calls are limited to a certain time. But since you are here, I will let you take this call if you want.”

I was frustrated because of my headache. Geoffrey seemed to be talking too loudly. I was confused as to who could be calling me. Then I remembered Mom had said that Lexus had wanted to call me. Geoffrey stretched his arm out to me with the phone in his hand. I took a deep breath as I took the phone from him.

”Keep it short, please,” he said. ”Dr. Pelchat will be here soon.”

I had to take the phone call. The phone was already in my hand.

”h.e.l.lo,” I greeted into the phone.

”Kristen!” a familiar, sweet voice exclaimed.

”Lexus,” I said.

Her voice was completely calm and sweet. It didn't sound like morning where she was. ”How are you?”

I tried to smile, but there was too much going on inside of my head. I coughed a little.

”Are you okay?” she asked.

”Yes,” I said. ”So, what's going on?”

”Nothing,” she said. ”I just wanted to hear your voice.” Her voice was sincere. Did she miss me? I didn't want to allow myself to think that. ”We miss you,” she continued. ”I tried to call you before, but they said that you couldn't receive calls yet. I guess I called when you were at lunch or something. I want to come see you again, but everything has been so crazy. But I will try to come see you tomorrow. I have some time off.”

I smiled. I said in a low voice, ”I miss you.” It was almost a whisper.

I saw Geoffrey look at me. He tapped his index finger on his watch and nodded at the door to remind me of Dr. Pelchat coming in at any moment. I tried to stay focused on Lexus. She loved me. She really did miss me.

”Do you really miss me, Lexus?” I asked her.

”Yes,” she whispered. ”I miss you.”

I closed my eyes and let myself feel her words. I kept letting them play in my mind exactly the way she'd said it. My eyes began to water. I heard a voice in the background on Lexus' end.

Her voice was louder when she said, ”We all miss you!” She seemed a little too eager and over-dramatic when she spoke. ”Yes, we all miss you over here.” I could just picture her. She was smiling, playing with her hair, and she was doing what she always did when someone else was watching her. She was putting on a show.

I clenched my jaws. My thoughts were ruined. She wasn't for real. A sharp pain went through my chest.

”Kristen!” Geoffrey frantically called out to me.

I looked over at him.

”Kristen, give me the phone! Now!” He reached out for it.

I looked at the door, and Dr. Pelchat was coming in. He was putting his key in the door.

Lexus continued, ”John is here. He wants to...”

I quickly handed Geoffrey the phone. He hung it up just in time. Dr. Pelchat entered and he closed the door behind him. I could already see in his face that he had to know about Rocky. He was the only one in here who looked affected, except for me. I was obviously not okay. His face was red, his shoulders were slumped, and he didn't smile. He didn't greet Geoffrey or any of us. Geoffrey tried to approach him, but he just put his hand up. Geoffrey shut his mouth, and then Dr. Pelchat grabbed a chart and walked away.

Geoffrey told me to go back to my group. When I returned, Morning Group was letting out to take morning medication, and then go to breakfast. Tai ran up to me.

She asked, ”Do you think they will tell us?”

I didn't want to disappoint her. I shrugged, unsure. She walked on ahead of me and didn't say anything more. Mena pushed past me. When she got ahead, she looked back at me. It was a long and hard stare. What did she want to say? I hated her eyes. When she saw that I wasn't going to say anything to her, she turned away from me and kept walking forward.

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