Part 24 (1/2)

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”What can you do to help me?” I said to her with red eyes and a tear-drenched face.

”Yes,” she said in a frustrated tone.

I stared into her eyes. ”Don't make me go with you to Jack's parole hearing,” I forced out.

She gasped in shock.

Then, the awkward silence came. I grabbed my bag, my blanket, and my school books and walked off to my room without saying another word. She didn't even call out to me. She didn't try to stop me from walking away. She just sat there, staring at nothing in silence. I don't know what happened after that. I don't know how long she sat there or how long it took her to leave, but when I came back out after putting my things down and realizing I had been too hard on her, she was gone.

I went to Mr. Anton and asked him if my mom had said anything to him before she'd left, and he said no. I asked Ms. Mosley if my mom had said anything to her. She said no. Then, finally, I went to Geoffrey, who was sitting near the end of the counselor's desk, and I asked if my mother had said anything to him.

He said, ”Your mom told me to tell you she'll see you later on this week.”

CHAPTER 29.

It was almost time for the lights to go out. I was reading my chemistry book because I wasn't feeling tired. Janine walked out of the bathroom in her matching cotton pajamas. Her hair was neatly brushed and pushed behind her ears. She looked clean and pretty. Her eyes were heavy and sad. Janine threw herself down on her bed and snuggled under her pink blanket.

”I'm so tired,” she whispered as she placed her head down on her pillow and closed her eyes.

”Are you all right?” I asked her. I was sure she could hear the worry in my voice.

”I feel so strange,” she said. ”Dr. Pelchat took me off of my Depakote.”

”Why did he do that?” I asked her. I sat my textbook on my night table next to my bed.

”He made me take a test. He said that my emotions weren't balancing out, and that it wouldn't balance out if I stayed on Depakote.” She pushed her face into her pillow and screamed, ”Nothing ever balances out! Dr. Cuvo would never let him do this to me! He put me on some other medicine. What am I going to do?”

”I don't know, Janine,” I said, feeling helpless. ”Maybe it will help you.”

”No!” she yelled, lifting her head up and punching her pillow. Her eyes were red and she was angry. ”I need my medicine! I need my doctor. Dr. Cuvo!”

I went over to her quickly and carefully put my hand on her shoulder.

”Janine. It's okay. You have to stop yelling, or Ms. Mosley is going to come in here and say something. You don't want her to put you in the BCR for yelling.” I tried to warn her in a calm voice. I was afraid for her.

Janine calmed down when she realized how she was behaving. She scooted herself closer to me and held on tight to her blanket.

”I saw my daddy today,” she whispered, softly.

I almost couldn't hear her.

”Do you know what he said when he saw me?” she asked.

”What did he say?”

”He told me that he didn't want to talk to me while I was sad. He said that it wasn't pleasing to see me this way, and that he couldn't stay around me. He said I should have been feeling better by now since I've been here for a few weeks now. He always said that I looked pretty when I smile. I can't be sad, Kristen. I have to be perfect. But perfect is just too hard without my medicine and Dr. Cuvo. And I gained so much weight. I'm fat!”

”Shh, Janine,” I said as I squeezed her shoulder gently. ”You're not fat. You are perfect. I wish I looked as pretty as you.”

She ignored me and continued, ”Daddy hates it when I'm a mess. He said that if I'm not better soon, he's going to let them send me to long-term treatment. You go after four weeks here to that place. They can't keep you at Bent Creek longer than four weeks. I don't want to go to that kind of hospital.”

Janine grabbed my waist, put her head in my lap, and hugged me tightly. I let her cry on my lap and I stayed quiet. Nothing I could say would have made her feel better. It all made sense. She was pretty, and she could have it all, including her father's love. If only she could be perfect.

I don't know if I could have been anything close to perfect for my dad. I was his loving daughter. He was my Prince Charming daddy. My daddy made me feel like I was perfect just the way I was. I didn't feel like I had to go the extra mile to please him. When the monster swallowed my dad, I didn't want to accept it. There were times when I did test Jack's patience just to see if I could catch a glimpse of my daddy staring out from those eyes that the monster may have trapped him in. There was no sign of him. He was dead.

The worst day of our lives was approaching, and I remembered the last time I had tested Jack, that horrible monster, to see if my dad was still alive. It was a rainy day, and I had missed the bus to school. Mom had the flu and she could hardly get out of bed. Jack was on his way to work, and I asked him if he could give me a ride to school.

”Go ahead and get in the truck,” he demanded. ”I'll be out there in a minute.”

I looked up at him, pleading with my eyes. Daddy? Are you there?

”What the h.e.l.l are you staring at?” he yelled. ”Do you want a ride to school or not?”

Without a word, I turned away from the monster, hating him, and I went out to the truck. Shortly after settling into the truck, Jack came out the front door and into the pouring rain. He hurried to get out of the stormy weather.

When he finally settled into the truck, he said, ”Wow, it is really pouring down out there. Isn't it, Kristen?”

I looked over at him with hope. He'd said my name so sweetly. Was it my dad? I watched as he put the keys into the ignition and started up the car. He turned the heater on.

”Are you cold?” he asked me.

I smiled. It had to have been Daddy. Only he would be concerned about me. Right?

”All right,” he said. ”There we go. And now we are off to school.”

He pulled out of the driveway. I smiled as I stared at him. I pondered the memories of him in my mind as I kept searching. I wanted to see more of him if I could. I wanted Dad to defeat Jack and come back. It couldn't be too late! He looked at me and didn't return my smile.

”I got all A's on my report card yesterday. Did Mom show it to you?” I asked my dad.

Jack answered, ”Yes. I saw that. How the h.e.l.l did you miss the bus to school?”

My dad would have congratulated me. My dad would have said that he was proud of me. If I had done badly, Jack, that monster, would have found some way to hurt me. He didn't let me see much of Lexus. He said that I was getting too close to her, and that I needed to be with my own family. He was afraid that I was telling her things.

”Whatever happens in our home is our business,” he would say to me. ”It's none of theirs! If I hear that you've been saying things, you'll never see Lexus again.”

I took his threats seriously.

”What?” Jack asked me as he drove me to school. ”Did you turn deaf and dumb on me in the last few minutes? I asked you a question. How did you miss the d.a.m.n school bus?”

I hated when he yelled at me. I squeezed my book bag close to my chest.

I forced out, ”I accidentally woke up late.”

He snarled at me, ”I hope you don't think I'm going to do this for you every time you miss the bus.”

What was he talking about? This was the first time I had ever woken up late for school. It was the first time he had ever had to drive me to school. It would certainly be the last.