Part 11 (1/2)

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”Are they doing some kind of work out there?” Dr. Cuvo wondered as he rose out of the chair and went over to his window. He closed the curtains as though that would help m.u.f.fle the sound of the construction. ”I'm sorry about that, Kristen. It is really loud.” Dr. Cuvo returned to the chair next to mine. ”I bet it's hard with you all the way over here and him in California.”

I nodded to humor him.

”Does he know that you are in the hospital?”

”Probably not, unless my Mom told him,” I said.

The pain was sharp. I cringed as my lower stomach took its turn hitting the pain back to my lower abdomen. The pain felt as if the goal was to tear my insides apart.

”What is the relations.h.i.+p like between you and your father? How do you feel about him?”

The jackhammer must have hit something it wasn't supposed to, because all h.e.l.l seemed to break loose. I heard men shouting at each other outside. Something gushed out of me. I felt it push out of me with great pain. My stomach ached. I looked down at my hands that were between my thighs, and they were b.l.o.o.d.y.

Dr. Cuvo rose quickly from the chair beside me. ”Kristen. Oh, my G.o.d. Ugh... umm... Just wait a second. Don't move. Please, don't move.” He looked like he was going to throw up.

I stared at him. Reality was setting in. I sat still as he had told me to, embarra.s.sed.

Dr. Cuvo dialed someone from his office phone. I could hear Ms. Mosley on the other end. Dr. Cuvo was freaking out as if I were dying. He told her what had happened, and he asked her to come get me to take me back to the unit. He asked her to bring someone from maintenance. When he hung up the phone, he took a deep breath and looked up at me.

”Are you okay?” he finally asked me.

I nodded. I was too embarra.s.sed to look at him, or to say anything to him.

Not long after he hung up the phone, Ms. Mosley knocked on the door. Dr. Cuvo told her to come in. Ms. Mosley saw me and motioned for me to come to her. I stood up and walked to the door. The maintenance man saw the blood on the seat, and he covered his nose and mouth. I'd grossed him out, too. I could have been perfectly fine being dead at that moment. Dr. Cuvo said good bye without the offer of a handshake. He told me to take care, and that he'd see me tomorrow.

Ms. Mosley led me down the hallways that led back to the Adolescent Ward. Once on the unit, she told me to go to my room and that she'd be there. I did as she said. The unit was empty. So was the room. Janine was not there. Everyone must have been in group therapy. Ms. Mosley knocked on the door, which shocked me, before she entered. She had a tampon, a towel, soap, and a plastic bag.

”Here's a bag for your dirty clothes. Just tie the bag up and hand it to me. I will throw your clothes into the wash for you. Because you are not Level Three yet, I can't let you into that part of the facility. I am going to get on the phone today and find out where that nurse is who was supposed to come and do your blood work and help you clean up. I am sorry about this, Kristen. Are you okay?”

I nodded, silent and embarra.s.sed.

”Just try to clean up as best you can. You can change your clothes and take as much time as you need. Let me know if you need my help, or if you need anything.”

She seemed nicer than I would have believed on the first day I had met her. I looked away from her, too embarra.s.sed and wanting to be far away.

”Don't worry. All of Dr. Cuvo's patients are female. Hey, at least he doesn't have a white couch.” She smiled at me. She was trying to make me smile back.

”Okay then,” she sighed. ”I will let you take care of yourself. Your group is in Drugs and Alcohol Group right now. You'll probably just have to miss that group today. If you need anything, just come get me. I will be up front on the main unit.” She left me alone in the room.

I went into the bathroom. I looked at the tile walls around me. The pain burned in my stomach. Tears fell from my eyes. I began to cry so hard that I heard myself groaning with my pitiful tears. I threw the tampon down. I took my fist and began beating it. I crushed it into the floor.

”No!” I screamed. ”No! No! No!”

When the tampon was ruined, I stopped. I took a deep breath, wiped my eyes, and stared at what I had done. I hated him. That's how I felt about him, Dr. Cuvo. I hated him!

CHAPTER 13.

I waited as the phone rang. It seemed like forever before the ringing stopped. When the pulsing tones stopped, I got nervous. I almost hung up the phone, but my hand wouldn't take the receiver away from my ear. The area for phone calls was not private. It was at the counselor's desk on the main unit. There were chairs to sit in. I sat still with my legs folded, and I waited. The ringing stopped.

”h.e.l.lo?” A female voice came in from the other end.

I took a deep breath right into the phone. It made a loud, windy sound. ”Uh, h.e.l.lo?”

”Yes,” she said. She sounded impatient and annoyed.

I got on with it. ”Can I speak to...? I mean, may I please speak to...uh...”

”Who do you want to speak to, honey?” I could hear in her voice that she was irritated and ready to hang up the phone.

”My dad,” I forced myself to say. ”May I please speak to Christian Elliott?”

I heard her yell, ”Christian, pick up the phone! It's your kid!”

I heard a deep, m.u.f.fled voice in the background. I couldn't make out what he was saying. I pressed my ear harder to the phone.

”It's Kristen!” She sounded angry. ”What is your problem? Take the telephone, Christian.”

She took the phone away from her mouth. I could hear her yelling. He was yelling back at her. Then the phone was m.u.f.fled by something, probably her hand. I couldn't hear them clearly. Their words were distorted by the smother.

A few seconds later, there was just silence. It was so quiet that I thought she might have hung up on me. I called out softly, ”h.e.l.lo?”

There was no sound.

”h.e.l.lo?”

A hard sigh came from the other end.

”Dad...”

”Hi,” he calmly said.

”Hey,” I said, in relief. ”It's me, Kristen.” I was smiling. I wondered if he could hear me smiling through the phone. I wished that he could see me.

He didn't say anything.

”Well, I was just calling to say hi. I want to know how you are doing.” I was still nervous, but he couldn't know that.

”That's nice.”

I felt the metal ball that rested in my chest begin to turn. I took a deep swallow to keep it from rising. ”Well, how are you doing?”

”I am doing just fine,” he a.s.sured me.

I heard him take a bite of something crunchy. He was smacking his lips and crunching down on whatever it was that he was eating. I heard the television blaring in the background. He was watching something with an annoying laugh track that seemed to go off every second. It must have been an extremely funny show, even though he didn't seem to be amused.