Part 9 (2/2)

”There has got to be some kind of law against that,” Janine continued as she tossed her clothes on.

I started to fall asleep again until Janine yelled that I'd better get up before Ms. Mosley came back and yanked me out of bed like she had done to her before. I pushed myself out of the bed so fast without thinking or taking my time. The world began to spin. I lost my balance and stumbled back into the nightstand. I almost knocked the lamp over, but Janine rushed to my side and caught it. She reached out to me and helped me stand up.

”Kristen, are you okay?”

”Yeah, I didn't sleep well last night. I'm a little tired,” I told her.

”Be careful,” she warned.

After I got dressed, Janine helped me into the front room. Everyone was sitting around, and some people were waiting to get their vitals checked. Daniel was in the chair, getting his vitals checked by Geoffrey. Janine and I stood in line to wait our turn. Daniel was smiling and talking to Geoffrey.

”Today I have a family session,” Daniel told Geoffrey.

”That's good,” Geoffrey said. ”You think you are ready?”

”Yep, I have been doing pretty well. I want to see my mom. And if it goes well, I might get to go home.”

Daniel sounded sure about his family session. He was being open. He sounded like he was sure he'd be well enough to go home. I wondered if that was how I had to be. If I had to be open and sure. If I had to share everything that was inside of me. If I had to sit, face-toface, with my mother and tell her what she wanted to hear.

”Yeah, and you'll be like Lenni,” Tai said. ”She got to go home after her family session.”

Everyone grew quiet and stared at each other. I gasped when Daniel's large eyes gazed at me. I looked away to ignore him. When I turned back, he was walking away. He sat down at the table where our group sat together. When Janine and I were finished getting our vitals checked, we joined them at the table. I was exhausted from the medicine. I folded my arms across the table and lay my head down.

”Do you really think they'll let you go home?” Janine asked Daniel.

He responded, ”Maybe.”

”It'll suck if you leave,” she told him.

He laughed as he said, ”I've got to go home. I'll go crazy if I stay in here another week.”

”Oh, goodness, ten days without a cigarette,” Tai said. ”It's been h.e.l.l. I need to go home.”

Daniel said, ”Try three and a half weeks without one.”

”And I bet you miss your girlfriend,” Janine teased.

I looked up.

Daniel didn't say a word. He looked down and started messing with his shoelaces. I heard someone call my name from behind me. I turned around too fast and had to put my hand over my eyes to keep from feeling too dizzy.

”Yes?” I called out to whoever was calling me.

Then I heard Ms. Mosley say that I needed to come with her. She came over to me, and I took my hand from over my eyes. I looked up at her. She smiled at me and helped me up.

”It'll get easier,” she said as she led me out the double doors.

I began to get nervous as we pa.s.sed a room with a large, steel-bolted door. The door locked from the outside. I a.s.sumed that room was the BCR. It had the look of what I imagined it would look like from the outside. It looked cold, and the door was made of black steel. It had three bolted locks on the outside. A small window also opened from the outside. I couldn't see inside the room because the door and window were closed.

We were walking too fast. I had to keep up with Ms. Mosley. She seemed to be in a hurry. When we reached the end of the hallway, she stuck her key in an exit door and led me out. I wanted to ask her where she was taking me, but I got too nervous when I tried to open my mouth. I don't know why I was suddenly shy. It was probably because I had been thinking about when I had first arrived at Bent Creek, and how Ms. Mosley had led me around. She seemed to be the one with whom I should have felt more comfortable, but Ms. Mosley had a look and att.i.tude about her that made me feel intimidated, as if I had to watch every move I made around her.

We stopped at a door that was partially open. Ms. Mosley tapped on the door, and I heard Dr. Cuvo tell her to come in. Ms. Mosley pushed me in first, which made me feel very uncomfortable. Immediately upon entering, I felt a draft of cold air. Ms. Mosley followed me into the room. She smiled when she saw Dr. Cuvo. Dr. Cuvo sat at his desk, wearing that same smile I had seen when we'd first met. Ms. Mosley said that she'd be back to get me when my session was over, and left me alone with him.

Dr. Cuvo kept that smile on his face and said, ”Sit down. Stay a while. We have a lot to talk about.”

The room was freezing cold. I had an itch. I scratched the back of my neck and sat down. I looked around the office as he started speaking.

”I know that you started taking the Risperdol last night. Keep in mind that I need to know about any side effects that are bothering you. How did you sleep last night?”

”Fine. Waking up was kind of harsh, though,” I said, not looking at him.

”Kristen,” Dr. Cuvo said.

”What?”

”I'm right here,” he said.

When I turned my head towards him, I caught him staring right at me. A s.h.i.+ver went through my spine.

”Please, Dr. Cuvo,” I began to speak, but my voice just trailed off. I scratched the back of my neck. I felt like there was a piece of string on the inside of my s.h.i.+rt that was rubbing against my skin.

”Why does it bother you if a person looks at you, or if they want you to look back at them, when you're having a conversation?” he asked, still staring at me.

”You are not looking at me,” I said. I lowered my head and stared into my empty hands that sat in my lap.

”What am I doing?”

”You're staring at me.”

”Okay. So staring at you is not allowed. Can I look at you?”

”It doesn't matter,” I said. ”Just do what you have to do.”

”No,” he kept pressing. ”I have to understand this. What's the difference if someone looks at you or stares at you? We are having a conversation. It's like this, right now. I am talking to you and you can't even look at me.”

”It is because I know you are staring back at me,” I said.

”Right, so why is that a problem?”

I couldn't hold back. I smacked the back of my neck with the palm of my hand so hard that it made a loud noise. It sounded like someone had popped a paper bag full of air. I finally looked up at Dr. Cuvo. He shuddered.

”Are you all right?” he asked.

My nostrils flared and released hot air because I was annoyed. I felt itchy and dirty.

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