Part 5 (1/2)

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I'd been in public high school until the end of my soph.o.m.ore year. I'd left and had started home school when John had left. He and Lexus had graduated two years before me. I hated school. I hated being stared at and teased by the other kids. I hated to be singled out. I was always alone.

There I was in Bent Creek, feeling trapped. It felt like a school that I couldn't escape. My mind started racing with uncontrollable thoughts. I knew they all could see the bandages around my wrists. They'll know everything. They'll call me weird. They'll make fun of me, I thought to myself.

”Hey,” said a voice from beside me. I turned, and big, brown eyes stared back at me.

”We're roommates,” said the pretty girl.

”Hi,” I said.

”I'm Janine. Bulimic Manic Depressive,” she introduced herself. ”Come over here with me. Meet our group.”

I hesitated. Before I could decline, she yanked my hand and pulled me over to a table full of other people. At the table were three girls and two boys. Janine went over to another table and yelled for one of the boys to help her push the tables together to make room for me. When they finished setting up, Janine and I grabbed a chair and sat down.

Janine looked around at everyone and said, ”Hey, you guys, this is my roommate. Her name is wait, what's your name?”

Still looking down and not making eye contact, I told her that my name was Kristen.

”Okay, this is Kristen. Kristen, this is Daniel, Tai, Chris, Cadence, and Lenni.”

”Hey, Kristen, welcome to The Insane Part Two,” said Chris. He was trying to be funny and nice.

I couldn't smile. I was too nervous. I looked away from his smile.

”Thanks,” I said in a low voice.

”When did you get here?” Janine asked.

”Early this morning,” I told her.

”That check in stuff takes way too long,” Janine sympathized with me.

”Man, I need a cigarette,” a very shaky and sleepy-looking guy said.

I looked up at him. He was the first boy in a long time that I had seen with long hair. He didn't seem to care that it was long and hanging down. His hair half-covered his eyes, but I could see them, very bright and beautiful. His name was Daniel. When Daniel looked up at me, he caught me staring. I quickly looked back down, away from his beautiful eyes.

”I hear that,” Tai agreed with him. Tai had a tanned complexion. She was very even-toned and had wild, curly, sandy-brown hair. She was thin. When she smiled, her teeth were yellow. It was obvious that a simple toothbrush wouldn't get the job done.

Cadence was a very pale girl. She had straight, short, black hair. She didn't say much. She mostly stared off into nothing. Her lips were bright pink. She wore heavy eyeliner around her big, dark brown eyes. Cadence held on tightly to a doll. The doll looked like it was made of smooth white resin. It had long, black hair that was all matted up on one side. And it had one creepy looking st.i.tched-up eye. The eye that wasn't st.i.tched up was beady and red. I tried not to stare at it.

Chris had chin-length blonde hair and could pa.s.s for one of those California surfer boys with the way he looked and dressed if he had a surfboard in his front pocket.

Daniel, Tai, and Lenni were the angry ones of the group. I sensed that Daniel would have been more pleasant if he wasn't shaking so badly, and if he had a cigarette. Lenni was angry because she felt that she didn't need to be at Bent Creek. She told us the story about how, when she had been twelve, she had written letters about wanting to run away from home. Her mother had found them and had stuck her in Bent Creek. Her mother was somehow convinced that she was going to run away.

Janine seemed sweet. She tried to calm Lenni down by telling her to tell her doctor that the letters were old and that she didn't feel like running away. While Janine was talking, Chris started swearing angrily at Cadence. Cadence looked over at me and stared. Chris stopped and apologized. Cadence didn't care. She and her one eyed doll just kept staring at me. I began to feel creeped out.

”Don't worry about it, Chris,” Janine said to him. ”We all know about your DID.”

”What is DID?” asked Lenni.

”It is Dissociative Ident.i.ty Disorder,” Chris said.

”What does that mean?” Lenni pressed.

”It means that I have four people living inside of me, besides myself.” Chris said. He seemed sad. ”I'm sorry, you guys. Jake has a bad att.i.tude. He doesn't really like it here, but I like you guys. I'm not trying to be rude.”

”Who does like it here?” Tai commented.

”Look, Chris,” Janine said. ”Just tell Jake that we're all in the same position here. Chill out. n.o.body wants to be here.”

I looked past Chris and I saw that Cadence was still staring at me. She was holding her doll against her chest and she was rocking back and forth. I looked away from her.

”So, what did you do? Did you do one of those cry-for-help things and drag your mom's steak knife across your skin to get a little blood? Did you take a razor and do a few cuts across the wrists to make some stains? Come on, tell us,” Tai pressed me.

”Oh, shut up!” Janine spat at her. ”Why don't you tell us what you did?”

Tai lifted her s.h.i.+rt and showed us her stomach. She had deep st.i.tches from where she said she had stab wounds.

”Guts,” Tai boasted. ”I had guts to do what I did.”

”Yeah, guts that your crazy a.s.s obviously tried to rip out,” Daniel commented. I looked over at him, shocked to hear him speak.

Tai smiled and said, ”Yeah, but it didn't work this time.”

”You think that's funny?” Lenni asked Chris because he was laughing.

”I don't know about Chris, but I do,” said Chris' evil personality, Jake. ”Look what I did to him.” Jake lifted Chris' sleeves and revealed his scarred arms. He had a countless number of scars and burns. He had words carved into his skin. I could make out the words ”die” and ”for nothing”.

”That's messed up,” Daniel said.

”What about you, then?” Jake pressed Daniel.

Daniel c.o.c.ked his head, raised his hand to Chris' face, and gave him the bird. Chris must have come back because he looked at Daniel, shocked.

”Why did you do that to me?” he asked.

Daniel stood up. I watched him as he ignored Chris and walked over to Ms. Mosley. She scolded him for not standing in line like everyone else had done to get his vitals checked. Daniel told her that he liked being the last one so that he could have conversations with her. She seemed charmed and flattered, because she smiled at him. I looked back at Chris. Next to him, Cadence was grinning at me. It was almost as if she was reading me. She knew I didn't feel like I belonged here. I didn't feel like I was like any of these kids. Cadence started laughing harder.

Tai looked at her. ”What the h.e.l.l is so funny?”

”Meds!” someone yelled.

I looked up, and a herd of teenagers was rus.h.i.+ng to the nurse's station.

”Those of you who take morning medications, please line up at the medicine counter,” called another counselor.

Daniel stayed near Ms. Mosley.

”Don't you have morning medication, Daniel?” Ms. Mosley asked.

Daniel shook his head.