41 Drafted - Part 5 (1/2)

Upon arriving, the two of us carefully lower Scarlet onto the bed.

She seems to be regaining her composure, but she's still much too weak to say much.

Once again, the sheer depth of her phobia is laid out bare for me to see.

I can't even begin to imagine what could have caused her to turn out this way.

”Hey, I brought it.”

Sig arrives moments after us with a bottle of water in hand. His eyes carry a glint of worry in them as he stares down at the pale girl in the bed.

”Thanks.”

I accept the bottle from him and open the cap.

”Here, drink up.”

I carefully move it to her lips, but she quickly snatches it from my grasp.

”I can drink on my own, idiot.”

”Wow, still as tsundere as ever huh Scar-chan?”

”I-I'm not a soondeerie!”

She quickly gulps down about a third of the contents of the bottle then sighs.

”Haaah…”

For a moment, the entire room is covered in silence.

I'm not sure whether this is could be called awkward tension or not, but the others probably feel the same as I do right now.

It's just too hard for any of us to find the right words for the current situation.

Well, other than Nick I mean.

”This is all your fault, Chase.”

”Huh? Why mine?!”

”If you actually spoke up about everything then I wouldn't have lost my shit back there!”

”I didn't tell you to lose your shit dude, are you serious?!”

”Ah man, whatever. Point is, it's your fault I got angry like that.”

”You pissed me off first.”

I sigh, then speak up once more.

”'Speak when you're angry and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret'. Ever heard that saying?”

”Huh? Is that a final fantasy quote?”

”Are you for real man…? Not everything profound is from a video game…”

Scarlet giggles at our petty back and forth.

”You guys never let up, huh?”

”Eh, I think this is the first time I've had a real argument with this Chase guy.”

Huh, was it?

”Man, you never open up at all. Sometimes it's hard to remember that you're even there at all.”

”Well, I mean… It's not like I don't trust you guys, this is just a really big thing for me.”

”Yeah, I guess so.”

Nick leans back in his chair.

”You know, Nick-kun was actually really bored without you yesterday. He kept mumbling about you whenever he thought no one was nearby.”

”Wha- you snitching weeaboo!”

”I'm being serious, desu! You were a wreck!”

I laugh.

”Wow… you missed me that much, huh? You must've been trying really hard to ignore me back there, then.”

”Tch. Nevermind me, Chase. This guy was WAY pissed that everyone was talking shit about you and that Momo chick. I thought he was gonna deck a few people before the day was over. Every time he grated his teeth it sounded like a machine gun was going off.”

Wait, Sig was considering violence?!

”D-don't listen to that aho, Chase-dono! It's j-j-just… I hate rumors okay?!”

”Pfft, Soonderie…”

”Scar-chan's making fun of me too?!”

The four of us go on chatting and making fun of one another in casual conversation for a while longer, but eventually it all goes quiet again.

Even with the earlier tension being dispelled, I can't help but feel guilty about this. I mean, who would've thought that she'd just go head first into her fears like that?

If this was how it was going to turn out, then there was no reason for it, was there?

”Scarlet, I'm sorry that you had to run in like that.

”…”

”I feel terrible. You made so many careful plans to help me get back on my feet, and I just threw it away by getting into a fight I didn't have to take. There's probably even videos going around at this point, right? There's no way we'll get those votes at this rate.”

It was a huge mistake.

Even if we managed to escape punishment, the fact that people know it happened is enough to completely ruin my image as a potential candidate.

She looks down at the sheets and ponders for a moment.

”You looked really angry back there, you know.”

”Angry…?”

”I've never seen you look like that before. It was probably the first time I've seen you show real emotion. Like, from the heart and stuff.”

I remember exactly what she's talking about.

I remember how I felt my blood boiling in my body.

I remember how I clenched my fists in frustration.

I remember how I wanted nothing more than to make Nick admit that he was wrong.”

”If the campaign got ruined because you got punished for finally speaking from the heart, then this school doesn't deserve Chase Masters. So don't worry about it.”

She's so forgiving…

”I don't get it, Scarlet… Why are you going so far for me?”

You've given me a bunch of reasons, but the more you support me, the more those reasons just feel like excuses.

Is it really because of what Rachael said?

Do you really…

”…”

”Scarlet…?”

”Hic…”

She's crying.

”Chase… I'm… I'm sorry…”

Why?

I don't get it.

”What's wrong? Is everything okay?”

”I'm just… I'm really sorry…”

”Nick, can you get her some tissues?”

”U-uh, sure…”

After being unusually quiet, he responds and fetches me a box of tissues from the nurse's desk.

”Thanks. Here.”

I pull a few of them out for her and she wipes away the tears.

There weren't a lot of them, but I can't help but feel like she's been trying to hold them back for a while now.

”See, I knew it. You shouldn't have done that for us. You need to know your limits.”

”No!! It's not that, it's…”

She sniffles.

”I'm… I'm not as good of a person as you think I am, Chase.”

”…”

”But before I talk about that, there's something I have to say.”

She turns to face both Nick and Sig.

”Both of you, I'm so sorry. The truth is, Chase and I weren't really dating.”

She says it.

And just like that, her façade comes to an end.

”… What?”

The one who's surprised isn't Nick.

Nick is the quietest of the three of us, in fact. It looks as if he's just calmly taking it in.

That surprised voice belonged to none other than Sig.

”Chase, what is she talking about? You weren't really dating? What the hell does that mean?”

”Let me speak Sigmund, please.”

Scarlet stops him from questioning me any further, then takes a sip from her water before continuing.

”This is the truth, Chase. I'm going to come clean here.”

”…”

”I don't expect you to feel anything from this story. You might even hate me. But after everything that's been happening to you, I can't just keep it inside me anymore. But please. At the very least, let me tell the entire story before you say anything.”

What could she possibly mean by that?

I'll hate her? Just what is she keeping inside of her?

If we're going to work as partners from here on out, I'll definitely need to know.

”… I understand.”

”Okay.”

She closes her eyes, then takes a deep breath.

”When I first met Jennifer… I think I was placed under a spell.”

And then, she finally begins her story.

”Our first meeting felt magical to me. There was something weirdly, um… charming about her. She was someone I looked up to, but it wasn't because I thought she was a good person. It was more like she'd placed this weird mixture of fear and respect inside of me. It almost feels like how people look up to God, in a way. She could say these rude, cruel things to me and I'd be okay with it. Why? Because she's Jennifer Swift, and that's just how it is at this school. I mean, everyone goes along with it so I should too, right? So instead of feeling hurt and offended, I thought it'd be for the best if I just tried to change to make her like me more. Maybe if I did that, I could be someone she respected. She said a lot of mean things about how I accessorized, so I started putting more effort into my hair, my clothing, and I had my parents buy me more expensive clothes and jewelry… even brand stuff. And yeah, I guess things worked out. I mean, I'm now popular, right?”

”But… once I became popular it wasn't just her respect I had to worry about. Before I knew it, everyone at school had their eyes on me as Jennifer's friend. I realized right away that I couldn't back away from this or I'd end up in ruins. Talk about brainwashed, right? Why did I feel the need to keep going along with everyone's opinions? With her opinions? But the answer is simple. That's just how strong Jennifer Swift's spell is. I think Momoka is probably the only person in the world who isn't affected. I'm not sure why, but she doesn't seem to care what Jen thinks about her. I can't relate to that. For the past month, I've wanted nothing more than to earn her respect. And the weird thing about it is, even while I looked up to her as everything I could ever hope to be, there was still a deep part of me that wanted to escape from her shadow. I don't know… I guess deep down I realized that none of this was normal. That these weren't my own thoughts, but the thoughts she wanted me and everyone else around her to be enslaved by. But, I wasn't like everyone else. I didn't completely fall for it.”

”And the thing that made me wish for freedom was you three. You guys didn't care what anyone else thought of you. You all spoke as you pleased and never let anything change what you liked or what you hated. I looked at you all with disgust, but… the truth is I was jealous. And that's why I decided to pretend-date Chase.”

Hold on, what?

Is she seriously saying she chose me because of that?

Then Rachael was right…?

”So, you wanted freedom like Chase-dono… and so you dated him?”

”No. Like I said, I'm not as good of a person as you all think I am.”

She pauses.

I have a bad feeling about this.

If…

If I think back to what happened on that day.

The day Scarlet chose me.

Then…

”I did it because I wanted to take his freedom away.”

”…”

”…”

”…”

They felt like a punch to the gut.

The shock of her words rendered my mind completely numb.

”I hated looking at you three. I hated you three so much that it made me sick. I felt sick just looking at you all. Why was I trying so hard just to be liked when you three could just do and say whatever idiotic things came to your minds and still have fun? It made me feel like a trash. I mean yeah I was more popular, but… I wasn't happy at all! I felt like a puppet dancing to the tune of the same puppet master as everyone else. I didn't feel like I was living anymore. That's why I decided that, if I couldn't be happy, then neither could you. Neither could the three of you who kept rubbing your freedom and your smiles in my face every day. I decided that I'd drag you, Chase Masters. I'd drag you into my world and see how you liked having Jennifer dig her claws into you. But you know what happened when I did that?”

I do. I remember that day clearly.

”She accepted you in the blink of an eye and made fun of me instead. I mean, can you believe it? Here I was, trying to make you understand my pain, but instead she accepts you and makes fun of ME. ME, OF ALL PEOPLE! At that point I couldn't tell if she had seen through me or if this was just the universe playing some kind of sick joke on me. And to make things worse, the person I was trying to crush stood up for me. He defended me and told the girl I'd been worshiping all this time that what she was doing was not okay. I mean… Just how free-spirited can a guy be…?”

Scarlet looks down at her sheets.

”That day kind of opened my eyes to just how messed up of a person she is. I did understand it on some level, right? But I think I was too scared of her to doubt her. That's just how her spell works. But when you stood up to her like that, I wasn't sure if you were just really nice or just really brave. I mean, there's no way she'd just let you off, right? Well, I was wrong, I thought. She apologized and everything as suddenly okay. She even promised to stop teasing me if I kept her in check. It was insane. Not only had you fixed our relationship, but you even exposed the kind of person she was to me. How evil, how manipulative, how messed up…”

She takes another deep breath, and sighs.

”I was beginning to think that maybe sticking close to you might not be such a bad thing, but I suddenly remembered I'd been texting another guy for the past two weeks. Even though you had opened my eyes to her spell, I was still being brainwashed. I needed to make things work with him, I thought. That way everyone will love me. But once again, you saved me from those naïve thoughts. When I got cornered by Jack and his weird friends and realized how scary this all was, you got them all to stop bothering me, even if you had to get hurt for it. I was so confused for a while after that, you know? Like, what the hell do I do with my life now? Now that you opened my eyes and made me realized how messed up everything is, I couldn't help but worry about everything. I was worried about whether Jen would say something that'd hurt my feelings, I was worried that everyone would judge my every move, and I was terrified of having some weirdo hit on me whenever I was alone. I feel like I realized that all of this wasn't normal only after you showed up. And then, you started avoiding me to boot…”

I think about jumping in to correct her, but now isn't the time for that.

”And to make matters worse, after ignoring me for like a week you suddenly show up and start talking to Momo, and the two of you disappear for the rest of the day. That one hurt. I had no idea what was going on anymore. Momo was the only person in the entire school who made any sense to me, and she was missing with the person I looked up to for saving me from that nightmare. Hey, just what were the two of you doing?”

I don't respond.

”Jen was the one who told me you two were in the clubroom all day, by the way. And when I went to check it out, you just ran off without explaining anything. Like, of course I'm going to follow you after that. You don't even have a phone. Am I just supposed to go home and worry myself half to death until tomorrow? Well, when I did follow you, both Sigmund and Nicholas ended up following me since they were curious too. At first I thought I hated both of them with every fiber of my being, but I slowly started realizing that I was still jealous. Jealous of how honest and free they were. Even if it's rude, or if what they're talking about isn't 'cool', they'll still go on about it without a care in the world. All that matters to them is whether they're having fun or not. Getting to know those two is the main reason I decided to stop caring about my popularity. Because I didn't want to ruin everything you had. You're living a high school life full exciting experiences with your friends… unlike me. So, it was selfish of me to try ruining it just because I was a little jealous.”

She takes another sip of her water.

Her throat must be dry after all of that talking so I don't blame her.

”So, I'm sorry. That's everything. That's the whole truth of the past two weeks. You can hate me or curse me or whatever, but that's everything I've been hiding from you and I'm glad I finally got it off of my chest.”

The moment she's done talking, before I even get a chance to give an opinion, the sound of a chair scraping against the floor echoes through the room.

Nick had just stood up.

”Sig, we're leaving.”

”E-eh? Nani?”

He turns his back.

”You heard her story. She doesn't deserve our sympathy.”

”Hey Nick-”

”Shut up, Chase!”

”…”

He silences me before I can get any words through.

”In the first place, none of this would have happened if you just followed the damn motto.”

”To hell with the fucking motto!”

”Chase!”

Scarlet clings to my arm.

”It's fine. He's right. If you never agreed to go along with me, then your high school life wouldn't be so bad right now.”

”But…”

”Sig, let's go.

”A-ah, hai…”

Sig shifts his gaze between Nick and myself, then finally decides to leave through the door.

All that's left afterwards is the dead silence between the two people left behind.

Dammit, Nick…

I grit my teeth.

”I don't mind if you leave. I think they forgave you already.”

”Don't be stupid, I can't leave you here alone.”

She sighs.

”You're pretty corny, you know that? Do you think lines like that are how you get girls to fall for you?”

”Oh shut up.”

”Oh well.”

She lies down flat in the bed.

For a while, there's only silence between us.

It's not because there's nothing to say, but I'm still thinking about everything she said.

It's quite a lot to take in.

”… Do you hate me?”

”Why?”

”What do you mean 'why'? Were you listening to anything I said?”

”I mean yeah, but you already know that what you did was wrong, don't you? Not a lot of people would confess to something like that. And on top of that you're even going this far just to make amends.”

”W-well, yeah, but…”

”You're the victim here, Scarlet. We both are. We're victims of the girl called Jennifer Swift.”

”I… guess so…”

I think the difference between being able to forgive someone or not is whether you're able to sympathize with them.

It's hard to forgive someone whose story isn't relatable, because if not then it feels like you were just a target of their malicious intent.

And for me, Scarlet's story resonated deep within me.

Forcing yourself to go along with the flow just to get accepted feels as empty as being outright rejected. After all, you're basically changing the entire foundation of who you are just to fit in.

The only difference is, you don't really notice how lonely you are until it's too late.

There's no sense of individuality.

And if you try to demonstrate it, you get hammered back down into place.

Popularity really is just a big joke. It's no surprise that she went a little mental and did something like that. That's just how it goes when you're that stressed.

”…”

The two of us fall silent once more.

Scarlet is just absentmindedly stares up at the ceiling.

I'm not so different. I'm looking out through the window at the blue sky above.

We're both just taking in the atmosphere around us.

It feels kinda like we're just licking each other's wounds after a lost battle.

Quite a few minutes go by where we just silently stare off into space.