17 Truth - Part 4 (1/2)
The SF club room had fallen into silence after that incident.
It's been an hour since then. Neither of us has said a word to one another the entire time.
As usual, Momoka is reading her book while listening to music through her earphones. It's a picturesque scene that anyone who's seen her in class is already used to by now.
Meanwhile, I'm reading through some gaming magazines that were left lying around in the club room. I'm not exactly the biggest gamer around, but it's better for my sanity if I read this instead of mindlessly staring into space.
But also, more than that, I needed an escape from Momoka's piercing gaze.
I may have decided to protect Scarlet's image, but I'm not feeling too comfortable going up against that girl. If I'm allowed to be honest, her perceptiveness terrified me more than that outburst from this morning.
That isn't to say that I've forgotten about it, as much as I'd like to. Simply put, being able to pick apart someone's deepest insecurities so easily must be the most powerful ability in this world. I'm of the belief that the pain of words can damage a person more than any weapon ever could.
Whereas there are laws against violence and murder, there are no laws against telling the truth. Revealing the things about a person that even they might not want to hear about is nothing short of psychological torture. It's plain evil.
But even still, I've already decided. I'm going to convince her that I'm more than just a coward. Yeah, I'm going to try to convince that devilish witch of a woman. Just what the hell is wrong with me, really? It turns out I might just be a masochist after all.
With those thoughts in mind, I decide to throw myself head first into the abyss one more time by starting up a new conversation.
”H-hey, what're you reading?”
I've finally put my foot forward to get the conversation rolling. Just sitting here as I have been won't get anything done after all.
But she doesn't appear to have heard me. She keeps her head down and concentrates entirely on her book.
This is so nerve-wracking. I don't really want to get scolded, but…
”Heeey, Momokaaaa.”
”…”
”Momoka!”
Ah, she's glaring. She's totally glaring.
She removes her earphones and sighs.
”What is it, chicken?”
”I'm not a chick… Nevermind.”
I really hope this doesn't become a ”thing” from now on.
”Say, what have you been reading all this time?”
She squints her eyes at me then lifts the cover of her book so that I can see.
”It's called Norwegian Wood.”
”A-ah, I see. Sounds interesting.”
Not much for words all of a sudden…? She answered me so plainly that I can't find anything else to say to her.
For a while the silence goes on between the two of us until she finally opens her mouth to speak once more.
”For reference, the song I was listening to before you completely ruined the mood was also called Norwegian Wood.”
”… Sorry.”
I give up. I can't have a normal conversation with her
Why is she such an intense person?!
It feels like I'm in a prison cell trying to converse with the asshole guard outside who thinks I'm human garbage.
”By the way Chase.”
My hairs stand on edge the moment she lifts her voice.
”A-ah, uh, what is it?”
”I heard a rumor that this club lost fifteen members when the semester began. How true is that?”
Fifteen, huh?
”Umm, that number is a bit exaggerated since the senior members graduated last semester, but for the most part it's true.”
”Why's that?”
”Huh? Why?”
She shuts her book and places it on the desk.
”Well, the rumors did offer an explanation for it, but I'd like to hear your take as someone who was actually present.”
”Who was actually present..? Ah, you mean the first day of club this semester?”
The day that seven of the club's older members, as well as every other potential new member, had turned away from the SF club. The day that left Nick, Sig, Chris, his girlfriend Reyna and myself as the only five members of this club.
”I wouldn't say there's much to talk about. Nick's just… Well, if you've spoken to him you'd understand. He's a bit…”
”Elitist?”
”I was going to say eccentric, but that works too. If your views don't line up with his then more than likely he's probably going to let you know why you should drop dead in a gutter somewhere. It can get a bit extreme sometimes and understandably not everyone can deal with that.”
Momoka giggles at what I say.
”What's so funny?”
”Oh no, I was just thinking. If that's all it took to make them leave the club then maybe they weren't all that passionate about it to begin with.”
”Yeah, that's what Chris ended up saying when they left. I'm surprised though. I didn't think you of all people would defend him like that.”
”Oh, I'm not defending him or anything. Please perish the thought. Nick was without a doubt in the wrong. That goes beyond merely coming off as pretentious. As a matter of fact, if you looked up the word pretentious in the dictionary you'd probably find his school ID photo.”
”You might say that, but don't you come off as a bit pretentious yourself?”
I thought she'd lose her temper when I said it, but all she does is lean forward curiously.
”Oh, how do you figure?”
”Well, I just mean that there's no reason to use colorful language like that in everyday conversation like you're doing right now. In fact, Scarlet's probably mentioned it at least once, right?”
At least, I hope she would.
She's always telling me to simmer down but this girl is on a completely different level.
”What are you saying Chase? Of course my language should be at least this colorful.”
”Yeah? Why's that?”
”Because it's part of my character's appeal.”
Huh? Is she some kind of mascot character?
She giggles once more. I guess this kind of conversation is amusing to her.
”Well in any case, I'm not exactly refuting your point, but it does raise an interesting question. Where does one draw the line between individuality and pretentiousness?”
”Individuality and… pretentiousness?”
”There's a fine line somewhere, isn't there? For example, let's say a new film is released and you visit the movies with your friends. Once you're out, all of your friends are screaming about how much they enjoyed the film. To them, it was an experience they'd probably never forget for a long time. However, for you it was different. You found the entire film to be messy. Sure, the CG effects were nice on your eyes, but when you get down to the nitty gritty of it, you found it difficult to praise that movie. The pacing was off, there were plot holes in every other scene, and you feel like the characters were as flat as cardboard. As someone who disliked almost everything about the film your friends had enjoyed so much, what should you do in that situation?”
”What should I do…? There's no reason for me to spoil their fun, is there? I'll just smile and enjoy chatting about it with them.”
”Yeah, and that's what most good people would do. To you, the movie was merely an excuse to spend time with your friends so it isn't worth putting a damper on the mood over your negative opinion of it. But Chase, isn't that strange? You're basically stifling your individuality to make the people around you happy. It's as if you're saying that having an opinion that goes against established norms is taboo. If you criticize something that other people enjoy, you'll get labelled as pretentious simply because your opinion differs from that norm. Isn't that cruel? Doesn't that way of thinking dissuade human beings from critical thinking?”
I can only sigh.
It's not that I don't get what she's saying. She does raise a valid point.
But there's something fundamental being overlooked in the way she presented that scenario.
”I think it's fine to give your opinion on something if you feel like it, but that isn't really what Nick does at all. Deep down, I think he truly believes that being able to harshly criticize something that most people enjoy makes him an intelligent person. I can tell because I've been listening to him and Sig talk basically every day since the semester began. Don't misunderstand, I think it's an important part of him right now and I find it amusing, but I can see how that kind of negativity could upset a lot of people.”
”Well, it's not like I disagree with that. There is something to be said about people who try to parade their pessimism around like some kind of Nobel Prize. But where do you draw the line? Are you not allowed to express disinterest in something if it means hurting others? Does my more colorful manner of speech imply that I am trying to appear important or superior to everyone else? Tell me, where should we draw that line?”
”...There's nothing wrong with saying ”I'm not a big fan of this thing,” you know. But doing it in a way that makes others feel inferior for liking it is definitely wrong. That almost goes beyond pretentious up to a point.”
I wanted to say it makes you seem like a jerk, but I didn't feel like going that far.
”Besides, well… If I'm allowed to be honest, if this is how you speak to Scarlet, then it's very possible that she sees you as a bit pretentious. I can't say this with one hundred percent certainty, but knowing her, she's probably at least a bit uncomfortable every time you speak to her that way. I know she's like that with me at least.”
”…”
Momoka doesn't respond.
She takes it all in.
Her eyes focused intently on me as if to absorb every word that had escaped my lips.
Silently, she broods over it.
Not like Nick who would instantly find a retort for the sake of defending his own ego. Momoka genuinely picks at my logic with an open mind before she responds. I could tell from this simple act that Momoka is different from him.
The fact that she'll even consider the opinion of someone like me as valuable is definite proof of that.
”You might actually be right about Scarlet. I'd always wondered why it felt like I was slightly intimidating to her, but this just might be it.”
She sighs.
”I suppose I just couldn't see it because this manner of speaking is completely natural to me. Though, I can't help but wonder why she wouldn't bring it up with me personally if that were the case.”
Well, that's just how she is. She's desperate to maintain the status quo so she'll bite her tongue for the sake of keeping everyone around her happy.
Once Momoka is done thinking, she tucks her hair behind her ear and smiles.
”You told me something interesting today. I guess having you stay here with me was worthwhile after all.”
It seems that something's been going on with the two of them. With that unusually straight-forward personality of hers, she's bound to have one or two conflicts with someone like Scarlet, even if Scarlet herself doesn't say anything.
Well, not that it has anything to do with me. I just hope this means that I look like more of a boyfriend to her.
She rests her chin on both arms then slants into the desk to stare at me.
”As a reward helping me, I'll answer any question you might want to ask me.”
Anything I'd like to ask her, huh?
She must be dying of boredom to be this talkative. I don't think I've ever heard her voice more than I have in this room.
”Well…”
There is something I'd like to ask. It should be obvious what it is, but I'm not sure if it's a sour spot for her or not. Especially considering how she avoided the issue almost completely I spoke about it earlier.
Either way, it's all that's been on my mind so I'm going to give it a shot regardless. She offered to answer anything after all.
”There is something I'd like to know about you.”