Part 73 (1/2)
”Why, it's pretty plain.”
Razumihin paused for a minute.
”You always have been a very rational person and you've never been mad, never,” he observed suddenly with warmth. ”You're right: I shall drink.
Good-bye!”
And he moved to go out.
”I was talking with my sister--the day before yesterday, I think it was--about you, Razumihin.”
”About me! But... where can you have seen her the day before yesterday?”
Razumihin stopped short and even turned a little pale.
One could see that his heart was throbbing slowly and violently.
”She came here by herself, sat there and talked to me.”
”She did!”
”Yes.”
”What did you say to her... I mean, about me?”
”I told her you were a very good, honest, and industrious man. I didn't tell her you love her, because she knows that herself.”
”She knows that herself?”
”Well, it's pretty plain. Wherever I might go, whatever happened to me, you would remain to look after them. I, so to speak, give them into your keeping, Razumihin. I say this because I know quite well how you love her, and am convinced of the purity of your heart. I know that she too may love you and perhaps does love you already. Now decide for yourself, as you know best, whether you need go in for a drinking bout or not.”
”Rodya! You see... well.... Ach, d.a.m.n it! But where do you mean to go?
Of course, if it's all a secret, never mind.... But I... I shall find out the secret... and I am sure that it must be some ridiculous nonsense and that you've made it all up. Anyway you are a capital fellow, a capital fellow!...”
”That was just what I wanted to add, only you interrupted, that that was a very good decision of yours not to find out these secrets. Leave it to time, don't worry about it. You'll know it all in time when it must be.
Yesterday a man said to me that what a man needs is fresh air, fresh air, fresh air. I mean to go to him directly to find out what he meant by that.”
Razumihin stood lost in thought and excitement, making a silent conclusion.
”He's a political conspirator! He must be. And he's on the eve of some desperate step, that's certain. It can only be that! And... and Dounia knows,” he thought suddenly.
”So Avdotya Romanovna comes to see you,” he said, weighing each syllable, ”and you're going to see a man who says we need more air, and so of course that letter... that too must have something to do with it,”
he concluded to himself.
”What letter?”
”She got a letter to-day. It upset her very much--very much indeed. Too much so. I began speaking of you, she begged me not to. Then... then she said that perhaps we should very soon have to part... then she began warmly thanking me for something; then she went to her room and locked herself in.”
”She got a letter?” Raskolnikov asked thoughtfully.
”Yes, and you didn't know? hm...”