Part 25 (2/2)
”I don't know,” she whispered letting her long hair fall forward, hiding her sharp features behind its curtain. ”Everyone talks about love, but I don't know what it is. Maybe I loved Gordon, maybe I was just grateful. I cried when he died. After all these years I still cry when I think about him. So I try not to think about him.”
”Do you know why he jumped?”
”He didn't jump!” Marla said, her voice taking on an uncharacteristic force.
”How can you know?” Barrett asked, wondering at the change.
”I knew Gordon; that's how I know. People kill themselves because they can't see a future; Gordon lived in his future. He had so many plans, so many things he was going to do. That's one thing about men, and a lot about Gordon, they talk about themselves. I thought he was so smart, I liked to listen to his plans. Sometimes I'd even tell myself that he'd marry me and I'd start to see a future too. But I knew that was never going to happen.”
”How come?”
”Look at what happened when people found out about us. I didn't know it was so wrong.”
”Maybe that's why he jumped?” Barrett offered, and immediately regretted her lack of tact.
”No,” Marla stated.
”How can you be so certain?”
”He told me that it didn't matter, that they'd give him a slap on the wrist and as long as I kept my mouth shut, nothing would happen.”
”He could have lost his job, maybe his license to practice.”
Marla glanced up quickly. She shook her head, ”I'm sure you know what you're talking about, but that's not how he saw it. I just figured he'd stop seeing me; I'd keep my mouth shut, I owed him that. I even started to look for another job, but it's not easy for me. Maybe now I could do it, but back then ... .How do you tell an employer why you were at Croton for four years? At least here it wasn't such a big deal. Only Gordon and Dr. Housmann knew.”
”Why were you at Croton?”
”You don't know; Housmann didn't tell you?”
”A little, but I'd rather hear it from you.”
”Why? It's ancient history, better to leave it alone.”
Barrett wondered, was there a warning in her words? While this voice was different from her caller, the message sounded similar. ”You don't have to tell me,” Barrett offered, ”but it could help me with my case.”
”Jimmy Martin, again. I should have known. I told him not to use Jimmy's case.”
”Really? How come?”
”You have to be careful with some people. In my case you have to be careful with everyone. Gordon never understood that. He thought that the things people did to end up at Croton couldn't touch him. He never took it seriously; he should have ... and you should too.”
Barrett startled as the secretary made fleeting eye contact; Marla was her mystery caller. ”But why Jimmy? Did you warn him about other cases?”
”You ask so many questions ... Jimmy had people looking out for him; the others didn't.”
”Who?”
”His sister for a start. She made it clear to Gordon that he wasn't to publish Jimmy's story.”
”How did she even know?”
”I'm not sure, probably Jimmy told her. Although, the way Gordon interviewed people wasn't like the rest of them. I think most of them didn't even remember what they'd told him.”
”Why's that?”
”He'd give you a shot first, and then you'd still be awake, but not all the way. Almost like you were dreaming.”
”He interviewed you that way?”
”Yes, but it wasn't a bad thing. I sometimes thought that's why he worked so hard to get me released.”
”Because of the injection?”
”No, because of the truth. I could hear the words leaving my mouth; it was so easy to tell him everything. I wasn't ashamed; I didn't even cry. That used to be my problem; I had too many tears. They'd get so I couldn't speak. I couldn't stop myself. I got diagnosed as having a psychotic depression. I took a lot of pills for that but nothing stopped the tears. That is until Gordon came along.”
”What was different with him?”
”I'm trying to tell you. I wasn't even his patient. He was writing an article about women who kill. Isn't it funny? That's how we met. I sometimes wondered what would happen if we did get married. What would we tell people, or our children, about how we first met? Isn't that something married couples do? 'Well,' I'd say, 'I was in the nut house after lighting my first husband on fire and Daddy wanted to interview me, because I'd killed the b.a.s.t.a.r.d.' Not exactly something you put on a greeting card.”
”No,” Barrett agreed, feeling badly that she'd never really noticed Marla after all these years. ”You mentioned Jimmy's sister, what did you know about her?”
”Just that she called Gordon. He didn't tell me a lot about it, and then some lawyers came around, basically saying that there'd 'be problems' if he used Jimmy's case.”
”How did he respond?”
”He didn't. He thought they'd get over it. 'Old news' he'd say. After a couple weeks he figured everyone would forget it. Plus, he couldn't see the Martin family wanting to bring a case.”
”Because?”
”You read the article?”
”Yes.”
”Too much negative publicity. Martin's family is big money. He didn't think they'd want to rehash the stories about Jimmy, and all of the other stuff. Jimmy was the one they locked up, but the entire family was sick.”
”Did you know Jimmy?”
”I guess. Croton's a big place, but not that big. He wasn't on my unit, but I'd see him at a.s.semblies. You could tell that he was having a hard time of it.”
”How?”
”I don't know, maybe I didn't think about it at the time, but when I was writing up his case, I started to think about things,” Marla glanced at Barrett. ”Like he was by himself whenever I saw him, and some of the things that didn't make it into the article let you know that people were bothering him. I know what that's like. And then people talked.”
”About?”
”That it wasn't a good idea to mess with Jimmy; stuff happened to people who messed with him ... bad stuff. Like there was this guy who supposedly tried to pimp him, and he ended up getting killed in solitary.”
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