Part 13 (1/2)
”Barrett?”
It was Ralph, and she immediately regretted picking up. He'd been leaving messages on her home machine, asking why she wasn't calling back, pleading. She'd not returned them, still too furious.
”Barrett?” he repeated.
”Yes,” her throat went dry. ”What do you want, Ralph?”
”What happened?” he asked, his voice hollow. ”I thought after the other night ...”
Her pent up-rage exploded, ”And then what happened in the morning, Ralph? Did you go straight from me to her?”
”What are you talking about?”
”Don't do this, I can't take the lying. Just tell the truth ... for once. I saw Carol.”
”So? I swear to G.o.d, Barrett, I've not seen her ...”
”Since when, Ralph? Let me make sure I've got your story straight.”
”Since the day you walked in on us. I've not seen her.”
”Interesting, because her story's different.”
”You've got to believe me, the last I spoke to her was last week. I didn't see her, it was over the phone. I told her I was sorry, that there was no way we could see each other. Barrett, you've got to believe me, it was only s.e.x, it was wrong, and it was stupid. You're the only one who matters. I love you.”
Competing thoughts battered away. She remembered something Sophie had once said ...”When someone starts a sentence with, 'you got to believe me,' you probably shouldn't.” ”So what day did you call her?”
”It was after I left our place.”
Barrett hesitated; Carol hadn't exactly said she'd seen Ralph; just that they'd spoken. It's possible she'd leapt to the wrong conclusion. ”So what do you want?”
”You sound so cold ... it's you ... and us, that's what I want.”
He sounded sincere, vulnerable; her resolve wavered. ”I can't take the lies Ralph. I just can't.”
”Can we get together and talk.”
” ... When?” she asked, feeling her resolve soften.
”Tonight ... please. I could meet you after work.”
”Okay, I'll meet you at D'Emilio's,” she said, naming the corner bistro and their favorite, let's-not-cook-tonight restaurant.
There was a pause. ”Barrett ... I love you so much. The other night made me realize what a complete idiot I've been. I can't lose you. Whatever you want me to do, just tell me. I don't want to lose you.”
”We'll talk,” she said, wondering if talk would again lead to the bedroom, and would that be enough to make her forget, or at least blind her for a time. But that still wouldn't do a d.a.m.n thing for why he'd cheated in the first place.
”I love you, Barrett.”
She said nothing, feeling his words swim in the back of her head, how easy it would be to say, ”I love you too, Ralph,” but she didn't. Instead, ”I have to go, Ralph, 10:30?”
”I'll be there.”
She heard the disappointment in his voice, he'd wanted her to say it. She thought how easy those words came to his lips; did he mean them? He sounded sincere, but what sincere words had gotten Carol into their bed?
She felt lightheaded. Her gaze drifted to the flas.h.i.+ng light on the telephone. She pressed the other line, having forgotten about Justine. ”Sorry about that,” she said.
”What happened? Where'd you go?”
”It was Ralph.”
”Oh ... what did he want?”
”Everything. He said that he hasn't seen Carol again.”
”But I thought you said ...”
”I know, I might have jumped to a wrong conclusion. I don't know. I don't know what to believe. He says that he loves me and that he'll do anything I want.”
”Do you still love him?” Justine asked.
”Yes ... but I don't know if that's enough. Love is supposed to make everything better; it doesn't.”
”What are you going to do?”
”I told him I'd meet him for drinks after he gets off.”
”Are you going to take him back?”
”I don't know. I miss him so much.” She thought about their great night together, and then the scene of opening the bedroom door, and seeing Carol, and then Ralph, naked. ”I can't stand feeling this way. It's not just my husband being unfaithful ... Ralph is the only man I've ever felt like I could just be myself with ... that I didn't have to try and be someone different. And now I think I was wrong; I'm not who he wants, or what he wants...”
”Look Barrett, I'm getting paged. We can talk later, okay?”
”Sure ...” and then remembering why her sister had called, ”and Justine, congratulations. It's fantastic news.”
She hung up and pressed her hands against the sides of her face. It was hard to think. And she hated the fact that one of the things that kept popping through her mind was money. Justine's call, while great news, made things worse. Although, the Martin case, if it were to continue, would certainly help. It was a big if, and Jimmy's low lithium level, and the overpayment-which she should never have deposited-weren't helping.
She picked up the stylus for her Palm Pilot and punched up Jimmy's name. Twinges of panic quickened her pulse. She took several slow breaths and forced her fingers to dial. He picked up after the fifth ring.
”h.e.l.lo?”
”Mr. Martin? It's Dr. Conyors.”
”Yes?”
”Your sister told you that your bloodwork came back?”