Chapter 44 (2/2)

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I’m writing to you in a long time. Weren’t you curious about how I was doing? I had a fever for the past several days.

Writing up to that point, she put down the brush. As she wrote a letter with no reply, she wrote down every detail of her daily routines so far, such as her walk, hobby, her basking in the sun at the window, etc.

Though she wrote it, she found it hard to write today.

When she wrote on the empty piece of paper for Bipaan, that blank slip of paper placed on her windowsill everyday came to her mind. That blank slip seemed to reflect his heartfelt longing for her that he couldn’t express to her in person.

She opened the little drawer of the desk. There were lots of little flowers with white knots in it. When she peeked inside the drawer, she felt as if she were a child doing wrongdoing or she concealed her precious and genuine feelings toward him.

“What are all these?”

When she looked at the flowers filling the drawer and the letter she hadn’t yet finished, she let out a sigh. Closing the drawer, she turned her head. She now fixed her gaze at the innermost spot of her room, namely the wall near her bed.

Bipaan’s wedding dress was hung there, embroidered with blue butterflies.

She approached it slowly. As it was hung high on the wall, she had to raise her head to see its collar. The big and wide fabric was larger than her small figure.

Kyosul stroked it with her palm gently. The pretty silk was soft. She touched and stroked it like that in place of Bipaan that she could not see.

“I didn’t know how big he was!”

Looking at the big dress, she imagined his figure. She held the big sleeves, opened it and wrapped it around her body. When she pulled the sleeves across her chest, she stood as if she were hugged in his sleeves.

The big wedding dress embraced her eerily. As she never felt his warmth, she could try to feel it from the dress. Wrapped in that dress with no human warmth, she opened her mouth slowly.

“Nanny!”

“Yes, I’m here,” said the nanny who was waiting outside her room.

Without looking at the nanny, Kyosul asked, while she was still wrapped in that dress.

“What is love?”

That was an unexpected question. The nanny had to think hard before answering it.

“Your Highness,” After a long silence, she spoke slowly. “I’m always on your side no matter what decision you make.”

The nanny felt her mention of ‘whatever decision you make’ wouldn’t get Kyosul’s consent.

She continued, “But listen to me, Your Highness. There are many more people than you think in this palace who love you.”

“Oh, that’s just lip service.”

“I saw them.” The nanny said it clearly to Kyosul who was laughing sarcastically. “While you were sick in bed, lots of people came to see you, including those I never expected to come.

“I really thank them for visiting me.”

“So, set your heart, please.”

Kyosul was a bit disappointed. The nanny told her that she would be on her side, and she now said she should set her mind, implying that her mind was torn between Bipaan and Ruhae.

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Who should I set my heart on?

Lots of thoughts came to her mind.

“I wonder if the Crown Prince…”

Kyosul held Bipaan’s wedding dress tightly. She looked down at the moment. After biting her lip several times, she asked with difficulty, “I wonder if the Crown Prince ever came here to see me.”

“As for him….”

The nanny’s eyes trembled. She slurred as she couldn’t answer easily, but Kyosul could presume from her hesitating attitude that Bipaan didn’t come to see her.

“That’s enough,” Kyosul said, waving at the nanny who couldn’t bring herself to answer.

“Your Highness, in fact, he …”

“That’s alright, nanny. I know I shouldn’t expect any kindness or warmth from him.”

The nanny looked down with a troubled expression. She was murmuring something.