Part 30 (1/2)

”I hate you,” she said in a low tone. ”I'll hate you forever till I die.”

Jordyn shut his eyes, lowered his head.

She drew back her arm to punish him with all her furor, but in a flash, he was gone.

Losing her target for her fist, she punched the pillow.

”I hate you, hate you, hate you!” she cried, punching the pillow.

On her side, she drew her knees to her chest and cried. Alone.

”Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me,” the preacher intoned.

Everyone dressed like black crows. Paw Paw's body lay in a closed casket in the front of the church. Nan couldn't bear to see his face in death. Pictures adorned the altar of Paw Paw as a boy, as a man, yet his lifeless body lay inside that casket.

Seated between her mother and Nan, Kaila felt numb. The organ played the hymn Amazing Grace and one of Nan's church friends sang up front.

Melissa and Pia had come, hugged her, told her they were sorry for her loss and sat respectfully behind the family.

Kaila folded her hands, prayed for strength. Anything to quell the endless tears. How much loss could she take? She thought of Jordyn, wished he were with her, could hold her, comfort her. Then she thought about kicking him or sticking a knife in his back.

Priscilla Snowden sat in a pew across the aisle, gazing at her serenely.

Get away from me, Kaila mentally shouted. She wanted nothing, no one to come near.

Priscilla bowed her head.

I am sad with you, Priscilla said telepathically. I'm sorry. I care.

Git! Kaila's mind shouted, refusing to look at her. Kaila would be like that song her mother liked. She would be a rock, an island.

When you need me, I'm here, Priscilla said.

I don't need anyone, Kaila shot back. The more people you let close, the more you get hurt. So just leave me alone!

This was a muddy blur, entrenched in this surreal funeral. Kaila felt nothing. Inside, she was as dead as her Paw Paw's corpse.

She observed, on a beautiful sunny day, her grandfather's coffin lowered into the earth. Observed her mother and Nan weeping. She dimly heard the preacher saying prayers. This was a dark, dirty dream. It was ludicrous that the sun shone and the birds sang.

She thought of Paw Paw smiling and singing Happy Birthday and offering her a Twinkie at breakfast.

Do you know how much I love you, Goosy, he'd asked.

I've missed you, Jordyn had said.

No. Block it out.

But she couldn't block it out. The inside of her chest actually ached, felt like the horses' hooves had trampled over her heart. It pulsed like a throbbing raw wound. It hurt so deeply, she couldn't pretend or deny. She had loved Paw Paw. And Jordyn.

Kaila lowered her head and wept. Once she allowed the tears to come, she couldn't stop. She wept until she choked.

We miss you. We are sorry.

She heard the voices in her mind. Despite the heavy mental soils of grief, she knew these were real thought transmissions. She felt weak, vulnerable, and raw; she no longer cared. Seeing her mother put her arm across Nan's quivering shoulder and then Nan breaking down completely, her eyes pink and puffy, her cheeks blotched with red, Kaila couldn't take anymore.

She plodded to the rear of the crowd in the cemetery. She leaned against an oak tree trunk, looking through blurred vision at a tombstone.

For weeks, Kaila had barely eaten. She felt light-headed; she feared she might faint. Then, abruptly, Antonia appeared in front of the gravestone. Her face twisted in concern. She wore a black headband in her short hair.

”I know you don't want to see us,” she said. ”But I had to come and tell you we are sorry.” As Kaila gazed into Antonia's dark face, she appraised her concern as genuine.

She approached and wrapped her arms about Kaila. Feeling her strong arms and supple body against hers, Kaila went limp. She hadn't the strength to tell her to go away. With her touch, she lost control and sobbed.

Antonia drew her close, petting her hair. ”I marvel at humans who feel so deeply. Their grief and pain falls in water from their eyes, like a fountain from their hearts.”

Kaila wept softly, feeling Antonia's warm cheek on hers.

”You have awakened me, Kaila,” Antonia whispered.

When she heard this, Kaila sobbed more. She hadn't the nerve to tell Antonia she was made of stone, emotionless as concrete, was a deceiver and predator. Yet, when she saw a tear fall from Antonia's large eye, Kaila relaxed and surrendered to the simple comfort of her alien arms.

So she was half alien, half human. A hybrid. Betrayed. Lost. Alone. Kaila hadn't the strength to return to school. Between the cruelty of her cla.s.smates and the manipulative deceptions of the aliens . . . no. All creatures caused suffering and pain. Kaila kept the mind-screen on her teachers, making them believe she attended cla.s.s, making straight A's. She put a mind-screen on her family, who thought she was in school. Sadly, she even put a mind-screen on Melissa and Pia. She just could not deal with anyone.

Every day, Kaila projected the mind-screens, ate breakfast, then went to her room and locked the door.

She spent hours on her bed listening to her iPod, staring at the slats of her canopy. She abandoned the wig and plastic and lived in her old jeans and t-s.h.i.+rt. If she was condemned as a hick, so be it. All those plastic high school judges and executioners could kiss her hybrid a.s.s.

She blocked all thoughts of Jordyn. Every time an image surfaced . . . of him kissing her . . . of holding her . . . she blocked.

She would never love again.

Again, she became conscious of her bruised, raw heart. She could cry no more. She folded her hands. Please help me. I don't know what to pray for, even to ask for, but please help.

She'd cried ten thousand tears. She was closing up, doors slamming shut, simply breathing in a dark mausoleum. She wished she could crawl into that casket with her grandfather and die. She thought of the darkness of the ground and the worms. She felt smothered and suffocated. It was stuffy in the bedroom.

Kaila rose from her bed. She opened the balcony doors and went to sit in her white wicker rocking chair. She inhaled deeply of the fresh air, smelling pine while surveying the land, the pond, the barn. All was still, the sun s.h.i.+ning.

Please help me, she prayed.

She drew on her mother's strength of meditation and quieted her mind. She must clear all worry and confusion.

Her eyes half mast, she detected a glowing ball of light. It floated over the balcony, s.h.i.+mmering and radiant. Priscilla Snowden took form. Her platinum hair was unbound, flowing over her shoulders and long white gown.

Kaila was so numb she didn't care.

Priscilla sat in the rocking chair beside her. ”You wanted help.”

”Who are you? I mean, what are you?”

”I'm a light worker,” she said, rocking.