Part 21 (1/2)

”You're not mad about Lance are you? He was just a shoulder to cry on. I'm better now. I'm feeling much stronger. I think your mom was getting ahold of my dad today. I could stay with Dad through the first months probably, until Pete and I work it all out. Then Pete and I could raise the baby together. I think it'd be best. Pete is super mature. And I don't think my dad will press charges or anything. I'm not even sure he could since I'm sixteen. I think that's the consenting age. Mom wouldn't because it'd be in the news and she'd roll over and die before blasting it out to the public. What do you think? It'll work, won't it?”

Someone had put batteries into her. She wouldn't stop talking. I watched her mouth moving and her face growing more and more desperate, and I felt nothing. Nothing. I held up my hand.

”Farah, I don't think you understand.”

”Understand what? I know it might be hard, but I'm tough. You know me. I can do this. Together, Pete and I can do this.”

I shook my head at her. ”You don't understand.” I stood. ”I'm sure my mother will let you stay as long as you need to. She's a sap for injured animals. I'll stay in Sarah's room. Let me know if you need anything.”

Her mouth dropped open and a look of horror pa.s.sed over her face. Still, I felt nothing. I walked away from her. Just like that. I held my breath the entire length of the hallway. I didn't hear one sound from the living room, but I could sense a steel gate slamming shut between us.

Sarah came bursting into her room thirty minutes later. She saw me sitting at her desk and stopped short. ”What are you doing in my room? Is Farah still here? n.o.body's in the living room.”

”I guess she's still here, unless she left in the last half hour.”

”Why are you in my room? You have a fit if I go into yours!”

”I know, and you're right. I'm sorry. Can I please stay in here for a while?”

”What's wrong with your room?” she asked.

”Farah is staying in there.”

”It's never been a problem before,” she said.

”It is now.”

She plopped onto her bed. ”What's going on around here anyway? Everything is falling apart.” She kicked off her shoes. ”I hate my life.”

”Oh, save me. Cut the drama, Sarah. You don't hate your life.”

”How would you know? I do hate it. Everything's a mess.” She lay back and threw her arms over her head. ”Is it true?”

”Is what true?”

”Farah's pregnant. I have ears you know. I'm in fifth grade, and I know stuff.”

”Yes, it's true.” I wasn't surprised she'd figured it out.

Sarah's eyes widened. ”What's she going to do?”

”I don't know. Frankly, I don't care.”

Sarah's forehead crinkled. ”What do you mean you don't care? She's your best friend.”

I studied the wall next to me. ”My ex-best friend.”

Sarah let out a groan. ”Like I said! Everything's falling apart.”

For a quick second, I nearly confided in Sarah. My mouth was open and I was ready to tell her about Lance, Farah, Pete, Marc, all of it. Then I stopped short. What was I thinking? She was only a kid.

My insides began to ache with wanting to spill. I needed to talk to someone in the worst way. The shock was wearing off and a piercing emptiness began crus.h.i.+ng my insides. I took short gasping breaths - my lungs didn't seem to be working.

Sarah sat up, looking alarmed. ”You okay?”

I pressed my hand into my chest. I couldn't get my breath. Sarah jumped up and ran over to me. She started pounding me on the back. ”Are you choking?” She was yelling now.

Breathe. Breathe. Slow, Emili, take it slow. Easy. Easy.

I squeezed my eyes shut and concentrated. Breathe. Breathe. I grabbed the edge of her desk with both hands. I willed the air into my body.

”Emili! Emili!”

I swallowed past the block in my throat. A burst of air exploded into me. Sarah kept hitting me. I held up my hand. ”Stop. Stop.” My voice squeaked out with a hiccough. I gasped.

Sarah threw her arms around me, and I started crying. She squeezed harder. The sobs jolted through my body. I buried my face in her shoulder and my body convulsed with tears. I felt Sarah's thin frame trembling under mine. I shoved away from her, gulping in air.

I braced my arms on her desk and leaned into them. Heaving bursts of air shook me to my core. Sarah had backed up and was staring at me, her eyes wide with horror.

I put my hand up. ”It's okay,” I choked out. ”It's okay.”

She rushed to me and grabbed me once more.

”You scared me. Can you breathe? What's wrong?”

I let my head fall on her scrawny shoulder. ”Sorry, Sarah. Sorry.”

We didn't move for a long moment. Then she pulled away, searching my face, checking me. I pasted on a wobbly smile. ”Relax. I'm okay. I just felt sick.”

”Should I call Mom?”

”No, no. It's okay.” I struggled to put a bigger smile in place.

”Okay, but don't do it again. You scared me.”

”I won't, Sarah. I'm feeling better now. Thanks for helping me.”

She perched on the very edge of her bed and kept staring at me.

”Quit staring. Read a book or something.”

She grabbed a comic book off her window sill and opened it, but her eyes were still on me.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket. Marc. I needed Marc. I could text him, and he would call me. He would. My heart started to relax. My breathing was slowing down, becoming close to normal.

Prblms, I punched out. Call me? My finger hovered over the ”send” b.u.t.ton. I gritted my teeth. Push it, Emili. Push it. Push it.

I nearly did.