Part 12 (1/2)
”No. Shocked isn't the right word.” I realized I wasn't shocked at all. Farah had been flirting with this for a long time.
She lay back on my pillow, silent. I could hear the faint hum of my digital clock. The heat register on the ceiling blew hot air over us.
She sighed loudly. ”Don't you have more lectures?”
”No,” I said. ”Do you want me to lecture you?”
She picked at a piece of loose thread on her sleeve. ”No, but it's something you tend to do. I think you like it.”
”I know. Sorry. Can't help it.”
”It's kind of sweet in a way. Makes me think you care. One person who does, anyway. No, I mean two.”
I nudged her. ”You know I care, Farah. I worry about you is all.”
”I don't mind. It's nice someone worries about me.”
I frowned. ”Your mother was a mess when you were missing.”
”Yeah, yeah. You don't know her, Emili. She wasn't a mess for the reasons you think. She was a mess because she thought I'd pulled one over on her.”
”I don't think so. She seemed genuinely upset.”
”Oh, she was upset all right. It was genuine, but again not for the reasons you think. I'm telling you she doesn't care much about me either way - except it drives her insane when I do something to cause her to lose face. It's a thing with her. Her face.”
She started laughing. At first, it was soft and quiet. But then she got louder and louder until it came out more like a chortle. Tears started to stream down her face. She fell over sideways onto the bed and curled up, still laughing. She was creeping me out.
”Farah.” I shook her. ”Farah, it's not funny. Stop.”
She didn't stop. She coughed out choked sobs and the tears kept falling.
”Farah!” I shook her again. ”Stop!”
Finally, she did. She wiped her eyes with her sleeve and kept lying there as if comatose.
”Are you okay?” I asked. ”What's going on? You're scaring me.”
I remembered how mad she was about her purse the evening of the football game. And on the phone the other night, she said she'd done something she shouldn't have. I wondered if they were connected somehow.
”Farah, please don't be mad. But you never told me what was in your purse. I wanted to ask again, but I never did. Are you doing drugs?”
”No. No drugs.” Her voice was flat.
”What was in your purse?”
She sat up and sniffed, ignoring me. She took a deep breath. ”Everything's okay now. I'm done.”
She pulled up her left sleeve. Angry red slash marks zigzagged across her forearm.
”Farah! What'd you do?”
”I thought I'd show you my new coping method,” she said, bitterness dripping off each word. ”Isn't it lovely?”
”You cut yourself?”
”All the rage now. Haven't you heard?”
I grabbed hold of her arm and my stomach plummeted as I noted the tiny rows of scabs. She yanked her sleeve back down. ”You don't have to worry. The whole experience sucked.”
I grabbed her shoulder. ”You can't do it again. Does your mother know?”
”Emili, have you listened to anything I've said?”
”Okay. She doesn't know. Promise me you won't do it again.”
She shook off my hand. ”I already told you I wouldn't. Didn't see the thrill in it. Besides, I like to show off, making the whole thing self-defeating.”
”Farah, what's with you? Of all the girls in the entire school, you're the one who knows what's what. You're pregnant, aren't you?”
”Emili, we've only done it a few times.”
”You said the other day was your first time.”
”I never said it was my first time.”
”Farah...”
”Pete said he used protection, so no worries. Interesting you mention it, though. I've been thinking...”
”What?”
”Being pregnant would fry my mom.”
”It would fry any mom. You're not seriously considering it, are you?”
”No,” she said abruptly. ”Course not.”
”Then what is it? Because your parents split up?”
”Have you ever felt lost? I mean completely lost.”
The closest thing to me feeling lost would be my confusion over Marc and Lance. And somehow, I didn't think it counted. ”No.”
”Well, lucky for you.” She scooted off the bed and stood up. ”I'm going home. I've been here way too long. Mom will freak out if I don't show up soon.”
”If you need to talk...”
”I don't. I'm fine. It was a temporary blip.” Her smile was weak. ”You know me, I'm always fine. Like you said, I know what's what.”